(Clearwisdom.net) For the past several days, I have not been able to calm my mind when sending forth righteous thoughts or studying the Fa. Instead, I am busy thinking about what has recently happened to me at work.
I have been in charge of an important project at work for the last 10 years. However, as the Beijing Olympics near, several managers at my workplace feel that I should no longer lead the project because I practice Falun Gong. They wanted another person, who had just transferred to our workplace, to replace me. Instead of telling me directly, they secretly arranged for her to go to an upper level management meeting that I usually attended. When I accidentally found out about this, my heart was moved and I didn't know what to do.
Although I don't really enjoy going to the meeting because it takes up a lot of time, I still couldn't let go of the fact that someone else would be doing my job. I constantly reminded myself that I am a practitioner and should be considerate of others, but I still felt I was treated unfairly only because of the ongoing persecution. Thus, I felt I should not give in to the situation or acknowledge the arrangement. I decided to go to the meeting with my coworker. Originally, only one person could attend the meeting, but I was able to request for both of us to go. I told myself that I would not acknowledge the persecution no matter what happened and I would not hand my job over to someone else. At that time, I felt righteous about my action and believed that I was negating the persecution.
However, I still felt uneasy, so I told a fellow practitioner about my situation. Before I could finish, the practitioner said, "In this matter, I see you still have a lot of human attachments." I wanted to argue my point that I shouldn't acknowledge such persecution, but the practitioner earnestly said, "It is not up to them to decide if you are going to keep this job or not. But why is it that you are being interfered with in this matter? Isn't it because you still have human attachments that are being used by the evil as an excuse [to persecute you]?" It suddenly became clear to me and I started to look inward.
I have been doing this job for a long time now and have become comfortable with it. Also, I had the thought of, "If I do give up my current job, what if my manager puts me in a position I don't like?" Thus, I am reluctant to give up my position. I realized that I had developed an attachment to my job and I had the attachment of fear. I didn't want to do any work outside of my field, as I am proud of my work. It seems that a person can develop an emotional attachment to anything over time.
I also developed an attachment to hearing praise from my manager. I felt uncomfortable to suddenly give that up. This is due to my attachments of fame, reputation and desiring others' approval.
Furthermore, I feel this project is important and want to keep doing it. I realized this thought is an attachment of vanity and the mentality of showing off. I wanted to show others that I was more capable than them.
The coworker who went to the meeting with me has indicated to me on various occasions that she wants my job, even though she is new to the company. This made me feel uncomfortable and I even complained about her. I realized that I still have the attachments of jealousy and the competitive mentality. In fact, her behavior was due to my attachments, but I still complained about her. No wonder I could not convince her to withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party and its affiliated organizations. When my heart is not pure enough, how can I save others?
By this time, I felt ashamed of myself. Having cultivated for almost 10 years, I still have so many attachments when it comes to minor issues! I realized again the seriousness of cultivation. We cannot let a single thought pass by without examining it.
Just because we do not acknowledge or cooperate with the evil persecution, it does not mean we should forget to cultivate ourselves or hide our attachments with the excuse of negating the persecution. We know that when we have attachments and don't let go of them, then the evil will use this loophole to persecute us. Yet how could I have forgotten this? Looking back over the past year, my heart was unsteady. Many things happened because I didn't cultivate myself. I should study the Fa more and let it guide my thoughts and actions. Teacher said, "Let each and every thing be measured against the Fa. Only then, with that, is it actually cultivation." (Hong Yin, "Solid Cultivation")
I truly feel that the evil is closely watching our every thought and action during the Fa-rectification period. When our thoughts or actions are unrighteous and not aligned with the Fa, the evil will use that as an excuse to persecute us. It will magnify our attachments and deepen our unrighteous thoughts so that we will depart further from the Fa and be ruined in the end.
In this process, if we cannot be clearheaded and cannot look inward to find our attachments, then we are allowing the evil to enlarge our attachments, and to interfere with our Fa-study and sending forth righteous thoughts. Therefore, we are unable to put our whole heart and effort into saving sentient beings. Yet, if we still think all these thoughts are our own, then we have walked into their trap and are in real danger. My understanding is that no matter if it is the three things that we are doing, or in our daily work and life, we must walk our paths righteously and follow a cultivator's standard. We should use "Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance" to measure everything we do and avoid leaving any loophole for the evil.
I hope other practitioners find my experience beneficial.
