(Clearwisdom.net) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1997 and am extremely grateful to Master Li for his abundant compassion and caring protection. I would like to share with fellow practitioners some of my recent cultivation experiences.

In late 2007, a practitioner gave me some material about the issue of a certain practitioner's lust and told me the coordinator for our area had changed. After I read the material, my first thought was, "How can a practitioner still make mistakes in this respect now that the Fa-rectification has progressed to the present stage?" Then I thought, "How could the practitioner be so unkind as to put together such material? Is this the way to help fellow practitioners, by preparing such material?" I found several faults with the practitioner who prepared the material and at the same time developed some bad opinions about the lustful practitioner. I felt that since I didn't know much about the matter I wouldn't get involved. However, since the material was brought to my attention, it would also help eliminate my attachment to lust.

Although I said I wouldn't get involved, practitioners mentioned it to me from time to time and sometimes I also asked about it, so under the pretext "we should be responsible to the whole body," I became gradually involved, unwittingly.

Because my views and understandings about this matter were different from others, a gap developed between us, and sometimes we argued. Worse still, we did not look within ourselves, and as a result I felt distracted and restless. This went on until I studied "Fa Teaching at the 2007 New York Fa Conference" where Master said,

"All Dafa disciples, including assistants, have to look inside themselves when problems arise. When everyone does so, things are sure to go well. It's a problem if all eyes are fixed on the assistants, and everyone is helping them cultivate while forgetting that they themselves are cultivators too. More and more problems will arise when that's the case, since you are looking outward, looking externally."

"But if you are overly attached to his problems, your problems will themselves be exposed through the affair, and you will be made to see your own problems through the affair; and this might lead to his problem not being resolved for the time being as a result of your attachment not having been removed. And if yet more people are mobilized and get involved in it, then all right--all of your problems will be exposed through it for you all to see. Such things will happen. It's not that problems should go unresolved, and it's not that Master's Law Bodies aren't going to address them."

All of sudden I became clear-headed. Many practitioners were involved in what was happening, which also revealed some of the problems we had as a whole. This was to expose our attachments, but we did not look inward. I realized that my mindset was not pure regarding this issue, and even worse, I failed to treat the issue as a good opportunity for self-cultivation. Instead, I set out to find fault with others.

I looked calmly within. Why was it that I initially didn't want to get involved but became involved later on? It was because of my being meddlesome, and my curiosity and liking to hear and spread rumors. I became involved because of my human mentality, which was prone to show off when I was sharing with fellow practitioners, as if I knew more than others, and I wanted to validate myself. I also liked sharing with practitioners whom I got along with instead of those with whom I had conflicts. I enjoyed listening to practitioners who pick out shortcomings of those I previously had conflicts with in the past and felt very comfortable with. When practitioners told me that some of those I previously had conflicts with had changed and improved their xinxing, I felt jealous. Even though I didn't say anything, I thought, "Has she really changed?" I was not truly happy for other practitioners' improvements. I didn't look within myself when I saw others' shortcomings. On the surface, it seemed that I was being responsible to the whole body, while in fact I was nurturing my own faults.

When I found these attachments and became determined to let go of them, I felt light-hearted and clear-headed.

Once, a few of us were sharing our understandings about our cultivation state as one body. One practitioner that I previously had conflicts with came looking for me and asked, "What have you said about me again lately?" Her string of questions confused me. I wanted to explain and share some of my recent understanding, but she waved her hand and said, "Don't tell me this, I don't want to hear it." I tried to suppress my human mentality, but I still felt wronged. She became louder and louder, and pointing at me, she said, "You are just sowing discord. Last time when we helped a fellow practitioner to rectify her enlightening along an evil path, someone told us you were passing rumors, and this time you said I...."

In the face of these merciless accusations, I remembered what she had accused me of the last time, so I also sternly asked her a few questions. As a result, as she left she shouted back at me on street, "You are sowing discord." I did not say anything. She shouted a few more times before she left. My human mentality boiled. What made me most angry was her not giving any thought to the image of Dafa practitioners, and to venting her own anger, even shouting on the street. This was simply damaging Dafa.

As I sat there, the more I thought about it, the angrier I felt and the more I felt wronged. I called someone on the phone, trying to find out what they said that I had said [gossiping]. I dialed several times, but there was no answer. I became calmer and realized that Master did not want me to call in the first place, and I shouldn't distract fellow practitioners in their doing the three things, simply to verify my innocence. If I interrupted others, wouldn't I be doing the same thing as what the fellow practitioner just did? Especially since one of the practitioners had just come out of a detention center and was still in the process of readjusting herself, how could I disturb her with such things?

Isn't it true that Dafa practitioners should always think of others first? If all of us try to determine who is in the right and who is in the wrong when we feel wronged, how can we reach consummation if we don't let go of these emotions? There would be a space war if we go to heaven with such attachments. I thought that the evil had once again trapped me. I had failed to keep my mind unmoved. I knew I must continue to cultivate myself, at all times.

Just then I remembered Master's teaching,

"A wicked person is born of jealousy.
Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.
A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion.
With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy.
An enlightened person has no attachments at all.
He quietly observes the people of the world deluded by illusions."
("Realms" from Essentials for Further Advancement)

I recalled Master's teaching one paragraph after another. Master told us many times that when we come across a problem we must look within ourselves. Measuring what I had just said, I found myself pitiful and laughable. I could not let go of this "self" and always looked for outward causes. As such, I was almost an evildoer myself. When I thought this way, all my anger toward the fellow practitioner disappeared, yet I still felt wronged even though the feeling was much weaker. I also realized that when the practitioner questioned me and told me what so and so had said about me, it was the evil who wanted to take advantage of this practitioner's certain attachment to interfere with me, causing a gap between us. I then sent righteous thoughts, telling the evil that I would never fall into their trap again, never let the evil use me, and I would not acknowledge the gap they created.

In the evening I went to see my mother in the hospital. There were quite a few people in the elevator, and it would not go up. Someone said maybe too many people were in the elevator and made it malfunction. The attendant tried all the buttons, but none of them was working. The elevator door would not open, nor would it go up. Suddenly I realized, "Isn't this a hint from Master?" The lift door not opening showed that I had not fully opened the door to look within, and from time to time I still felt being wronged. I said in my mind, "Master, I understand now. I failed to maintain an unperturbed mindset today. I have too much of a human mentality and failed to improve my xinxing. I will let go of all my human attachments." Just then, the elevator attendant pressed the button to open the door, and the door opened. He told us to use another elevator. The elevator moved up steadily. I realized that I needed to improve my xinxing and enlarge the capacity of my mind. With Master's help I completely let go of the feeling I was wronged.

At the same time, I also had an insight that there was much human sentiment mixed in with our argument. In the past, members of her family and my family were rather close, including the two of us. In the last year or so there had been conflicts over certain issues, causing much misunderstanding between us and we all thought, "You should not treat me this way." As time went on, we started feeling uncomfortable with each other, and yet neither was willing to point out the other's attachment, being concerned that the other would not be able to accept it and would develop additional negative opinions. We wanted to protect ourselves by being agreeable with others. This is being irresponsible to fellow practitioners. Also I tend to measure the other party against the standards of the Fa instead of measuring myself. The more I behaved this way, the easier it became for the evil to take advantage of me and let her irritate and interfere with me. I thought when we both calmed down we could kindly point out our shortcomings and correct our attitudes. Then I had a feeling of sorrow for what the woman practitioner said and did that were not based on the Fa, thinking that it might be a reflection of compassion in my heart after I let go of emotions.

I felt I needed to dig deeper to see what other hidden attachments I still had. Nothing is accidental, as Master tells us. On the one hand, I might have some predestined relationship with this fellow practitioner, and through what had happened we settled it. But this is not the main part. I found my faults, such as a fighting mentality, feeling being wronged, bearing a grudge against others, jealousy, showing-off and validating myself. On the other hand, I also know that I need to cultivate myself on every single thought. Then why is it that she still came to look for me with such anger? I did not say anything bad about her. Was it my human mentalities that made her come to question me? Did I hold any human notions while sharing with other practitioners? But when we were sharing, we were focusing on the issue, not on any particular practitioners. Then why did she come straight at me?

I kept asking myself, and in the end I found my other attachment. While sharing with others, when I raised some issues, I did hold the thought of exposing her and complaining about her, even though I didn't mention her name. This loophole was used by the evil to make a fellow practitioner who participated in the sharing pass her a wrong message to widen the gap between us. I went on to ask myself, "What was the mentality that made me want to expose and complain about others?" It was because some of her ways of doing things did not conform with my notions, meaning I only wanted to change others instead of myself. Then why is it that she also mentioned the things that happened at other times? As for the conflict we had a year ago, through numerous Fa-studies and sharing, the few of us who got involved exposed our own human attachments, and I myself also let go of many attachments through much pain during that incident.

Then what other attachments do I need to let go of? Is this a hint for me to do better in cultivation of speech? I realized that sometimes I like talking about other practitioners' things with the fellow practitioners who are my relatives. I feel relatives are more reliable, and they wouldn't go around and talk about it. This is differentiating practitioners and an attachment to sentimentality. I quietly sent righteous thoughts, eliminating all evil elements that interfered with my looking within. Suddenly, I remembered what Master said in Zhuan Falun in relation to cultivation of speech, "It should be fine as long as one grasps what should or should not be said."

I thought about it from every angle. Then I realized it was a hint, telling me that I needed to pay attention to the way I spoke with fellow practitioners. I must speak in consideration of others, and I must keep a pure mind and consider others' xinxing levels to avoid situations that could cause misunderstandings. This will help to avoid unnecessary gaps between practitioners.

Because Chinese people's minds have been deeply poisoned by the Party culture, and practitioners still have some human attachments here and there, I must cultivate well and develop wisdom in this respect.

I realized that I was also attached to vanity and saving face, and was concerned that others might say something bad about me. I realized that even in everyday life I was someone who cared much about saving face and reputation.

After I began cultivation I was still rather cautious in this respect, especially with those practitioners who had arguments with me before. I took an overly cautious attitude towards them. It is not wrong for an everyday person to behave this way, but for a practitioner, this is an attachment to protecting oneself, worrying that one will be hurt or worrying about this or that for self-protection. All these mentalities are based on selfishness, and they should all be relinquished through cultivation. In addition, being wary of others is also an attachment. If it is kept for a long time, it would form a kind of matter in other dimensions between practitioners, which would block us and cause gaps between us.

Being wary of others is also an element arising from the Party culture. We must disintegrate these dirty substances. When I complained that the fellow practitioner didn't give any thought to Dafa's reputation when she shouted in the street, while there was an element of being responsible to Dafa, I was mostly thinking of myself, worrying that her shouting would damage my reputation. I tried to protect myself with the excuse that the fellow practitioner showed no concern for the image of Dafa. In fact, if I had no attachment to protecting my reputation, other people might not have heard anything she shouted.

Sometimes, when looking within myself, I also unconsciously find others' shortcomings, which are then used to set off my good points. This is also validating myself, showing that I'm better than others and protecting a postnatal selfish "me." This selfishness and the postnatal degenerate notions can be well hidden and rather hard to detect sometimes. We must carefully detect them and take hold of them instead of letting them manipulate us.

I analyzed myself bit by bit and eliminated my attachments and human notions one after the other, like getting rid of those specters that caused illnesses in my body. I felt very light as if I could float. All that was left in my mind from the conflict I had with that fellow practitioner disappeared completely.

Through Fa-study, looking inward and sharing with fellow practitioners, I have truly eliminated the gap between that practitioner and myself. If we can all regard the Fa as teacher and look within ourselves, truly cultivate and purify ourselves, and see through the tricks of the evil and not give it any foothold, then the gaps between us will disappear and we will form one indestructible body. Let us do well what we should do as Dafa disciples.

May 15, 2008