(Clearwisdom.net) Recently I have had a profound experience and would like to write it down for sharing.
At the end of 2004, I regained my freedom after being illegally detained for more than two years. At that time, I felt there were big divisions between the practitioners in our city. Dafa related information was not being passed on, and sometimes practitioners were spreading rumors. We were relying on practitioners from other cities for Master's articles. The local coordinator had financial problems and had to work very hard to look for a job to support his family. Many practitioners had many things to say about his situation and some even said that he was no longer practicing Dafa.
I know this fellow practitioner very well. Before I was illegally detained, we had been making Dafa truth clarification material together and exchanging understandings with each other. I know that after our truth clarification material production center was destroyed and several fellow practitioners were arrested, he got in touch with practitioners in other cities to ensure that Master's new articles and other information were available in our city. This work lasted until I got out from the detention center and set up an information center in my home. This fellow practitioner is always a cautious person and was not very good at expressing himself. So, there were always some practitioners who misunderstood him. In fact, he has a deep understanding of the Fa and has cultivated well.
However, I found it hard to understand his attitude of being busy with his life and not doing a good job of coordinating. I had the same understanding as the majority of the local practitioners. It seemed that he had quietly agreed with the arrangement of the old forces and did not put Fa rectification as his first priority. Every time he went out to look for a job, I tried to persuade him that his mission was to save the people here and that he should not leave. I told him that even if he did leave, he would still have to come back. On several occasions, he went other places to work, but he always had to come back for various reasons. I felt that my own understanding was correct.
Because Dafa disciples were separated by the old forces, the Fa study environment was not good. Because of this situation and the comfortable circumstances, I gradually changed step-by-step. I was still making truth clarification materials, but since only a few practitioners came out, there was limited need for them.
I was not being diligent. My cultivation state was sometimes good and sometimes poor. I always felt that I could not be diligent and that my righteous thoughts were not as strong as they had been when I was in detention. I did not feel that I was in the state of melting into the Fa, like I did when I was just doing personal cultivation. I even felt that I was almost not in the state of Fa validation at all. I was very distressed and began looking inward. I asked myself: "Why do I feel so unsettled in my mind? Where did it go wrong? Why am I in a bad state? Why don't I get up and do the morning exercises?"
Then one day, a fellow practitioner brought news from a nearby area. He said, "They have resumed the group practice over there." My heart was deeply moved. The next day, I got rid of the interference from other dimensions and went for a two-hour experience sharing with two other local practitioners. After the experience sharing, I suddenly understood the root causes of my not being diligent for such a long time. The problem was that I was seeking solutions from others, not setting my mind straight, and did not break through the division among practitioners.
My "seeking solutions from others" was focused on the coordinator. By doing that, I was cooperating with the arrangements from the old forces. The old forces were intentionally interfering with his coordination work and thus caused the separation between the local practitioners. We did not send forth righteous thoughts to eradicate the arrangements and the persecution that the old forces put on him. Instead we blamed him for not doing a good job. In this way, we were fooled by the old forces, allowing them to find excuses to increase the level of persecution against him. Now I understand the pressure he was under. At the time, I did not take it seriously. In fact, every practitioner who thought this way about him was adding to the persecution against him.
The point is, I found that continuously looking inward was the key to my own improvement. When the whole body was facing the problem of being separated, I was still worrying about my own improvement. Isn't this just "selfishness?" How could I improve this way? Dafa disciple's cultivate in the Fa rectification period. We should continuously demand ourselves to maintain higher and higher standards.
I now know that my own improvement is linked to the improvement of the whole body. Breaking through the separation between Dafa disciples, diligently cultivating together and improving as a whole body is the requirement from the Fa. I must do a good job of it.
This is my limited understanding. Please kindly point out my mistakes.
