(Clearwisdom.net)

I accompany my daughter to her studies in the city and rent out part of the apartment to several students in order to lessen my financial burden. After 9 a.m. on January 12, 2008, I suddenly received a call from a male stranger wanting to rent a room. He asked whether there was Internet access and I said, "No." He said he only wanted to rent it for one day. I heard laughter in the background and immediately became alert and turned off the cell phone. Then I heard the sound of a car door closing downstairs. I looked down and saw a man and a woman both in green army overcoats just getting out of a car. They walked towards my building and the car drove off. It was already dark at that time and I could not see what kind of car it was. I instantly felt suffocating pressure. I realized that the evil was coming towards me and I packed up my things quickly. As their anticipated footsteps stopped on the third floor, they knocked on my door. I ignored them, stabilized my mind, and began to send forth righteous thoughts. They knocked for a while, and after not hearing anything inside the room made a phone call and finally left. In order to avoid persecution, I temporarily moved to a relative's place.

During that period, besides studying the Fa, sending forth righteous thoughts, and visiting my daughter every two days, I hardly went out. Ten days passed in a flash. It was close to the Chinese New Year and my daughter would have a vacation soon. I wondered where we should go. I was very anxious. My daughter told me, "One of the students is worried about being harassed by the police again and is going to move out." She intended to wait for me to discuss this matter when I went back. I was suddenly in shock, thinking I might have an omission, so interference and conflict have arisen. I began to rethink my recent behavior: I felt sleepy when I studied the Fa, practiced the exercises, and sent forth righteous thoughts. The demon of sleepiness firmly controlled me. Moreover, evils in other dimensions had been persecuting me, and not only did I not wake up and send forth righteous thoughts immediately to clear away the evil, but I was numb and allowed it to persecute me. It was only then that the Chinese Communist personnel and police came to my home. Everyday people around me all knew I studied Dafa, but they did not dare to take truth-clarification materials anymore, as they were deeply poisoned by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) propaganda. They saw I was again arrested and could not look after my daughter and unite with my family. After the persecution began, I had not been able to go home for the New Year for three years in a row. I thought that if I still could not go home this year, my father would be unable to pass the test of sentiment between parent and child, and pass away as a result of the persecution, just like my mother. This is not merely an issue of "selfishness!" I am a divine being who saves sentient beings in an open and honorable way; how can I hide due to fear? The evil should hide from me! With that thought, I resolutely decided to go home and at the same time send forth righteous thoughts: "I am an indomitable divine being, and nobody can move me! Nobody is qualified to move me! I simply walk the path of saving people as arranged by Teacher."

After I went home, I felt that everything had remained unchanged, as if nothing had happened! As I was writing this experience-sharing, I had a deeper understanding of what Teacher said in "Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Vancouver, Canada, in 2003:"

"For cultivators, though, when it comes to raising the requirement on your "xinxing" and letting go of your attachments, there's absolutely no wiggle room, and the standard can absolutely not be lowered, because we need to be responsible to the future, and to the cosmos and the sentient beings of the future. Many Dafa disciples will achieve the status of gigantic beings in the future, and they will encompass many sentient beings, even boundless beings. So if your standard is lowered, then that level of the cosmos won't last long and that level of the firmament won't last long, so you have to meet the standard."

The daughter of my neighbor upstairs is in the same grade at school as my daughter. They are usually quite close, and both mother and daughter have a good understanding of Falun Dafa. They also quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations. When the police harassed me, I once stayed in her home for an afternoon. A few days ago, she came to my home and said her daughter no longer talked to my daughter and asked me the reason. After my daughter came home from school, I asked her about it. She was angry and said, "She criticizes me, I just do not want to talk to her!" "You are a practitioner," I said to her," and she is not. How can you be the same as her! Moreover, her mother helped us. We should appreciate her! How can you bear a grudge because of a single comment?" But my daughter replied, "Her mom is her mom. I speak to Auntie, but not her!" The next day, I asked her again, "Do you still hate her and not want to talk to her? You are supposed to behave like a divine being. Are you the same as an ordinary person? Why don't you remember their good sides, and only remember when she treats you badly?"As I was saying that, I realized I was actually talking about myself. After I was forced to leave home to avoid persecution, my husband filed for divorce to protect himself. When I came back, I learned that he was going to marry his new girlfriend. I tried to reconcile with him many times, but his parents kept me out. I had too many attachments at that time, so nothing could be rectified. I had allowed myself to become emotionally upset with both my husband and his parents and judged him to be perfidious. I totally forgot that he had sent me money while I was destitute, that he visited me at the labor camp, and that he had helped me when I was in a difficult situation. Although I explained the truth to him and he quit the CCP and its affiliations, as soon as I thought about his hateful behavior, I berated him with scathing words. I was also tired of his parents and did not want to talk to them when I faced them. I did not think about their good sides at all, As soon as I saw them, I was reminded that they kept me outside for over six hours. My bitterness and hatred were very intense, but I did not detect them. Actually, Teacher used my daughter's incident to help me to abandon my grudge! How much did I cause Teacher to worry? I nearly burst out crying. I said to my daughter, "It is your mother who has a grudge, so it was displayed on you to let me see it. Let's get rid of it together!" My daughter readily agreed.

I had a dream a few days ago: I went to the toilet, but the floor was covered with urine, and I was unable to put my feet down. I was wearing a colorful satin coat and did not want to get it dirty, so I took it off and hung it on the restroom wall. I looked up and saw that the bottom of my coat was stained with dirty water. I was very upset, and then I awoke from the dream.

I knew merciful Teacher was giving me a hint for sure. I carefully looked inwards and suddenly discovered that I had a very deep omission hidden in the attachment of "qing". Before the persecution, others had envied my marriage: my husband was not only well-educated, but also very capable and handsome. Our relationship had been very good. After I suffered persecution, with Teacher's strength, I escaped from the interrogation room of the public security bureau and was destitute ever since. The CCP personnel from my workplace tried to find me wherever I went. My husband initiated a divorce under pressure. He could not bear being lonely and found a girlfriend to keep him company, but eventually they got married.

I struggled in managing the test of qing for seven or eight years. Although I said I had let go of my attachment to my husband, when I clarified the truth to familiar people and talked about the persecution I had suffered for several years, I always said how good my marriage used to be and how good my husband was. Regret and nostalgia for this was revealed from my words. Although I hung up the label of "qing" and took it off in my outward appearance, because I felt it was good, I honored it and did not let it go completely from my heart. Although it seemed I had abandoned it, I had not abandoned it completely! Didn't I treat myself as a human? I was a human being stained with dirty water and this was a shame.

Teacher said in "Cultivation of Speech" in Zhuan Falun:

"Monks in the past took these things very seriously, because once one started to think one will create karma. Therefore, they would cultivate "body, speech, and mind." The cultivation of body they spoke of meant that one would not commit bad deeds. Cultivation of speech meant that one would not talk. Cultivation of mind meant that one would not even think. In the past, there were strict requirements for these things in professional cultivation in temples."

Monks in the past also needed to cultivate mind. As Dafa practitioners, we should conduct ourselves according to stricter requirements, so that we are qualified to accept hardships under merciful Buddha's personal salvation! I must achieve "abandonment without omission."Only then am I meeting the requirements of the Fa at different levels!

Although I started practicing Falun Gong relatively late, the 610 Office, the local police station, and my neighborhood have nonetheless targeted me since the CCP began the persecution on July 20, 1999. Every time I went to work, the 610 Office arranged for people to follow me; with any festival or holiday, they asked me where I was going to stay. When I was arrested for the first time in 2001, the police said that they had been waiting around my home for a month. When I was again harassed by the CCP in 2004, I was arrested after being monitored for a long time. After I left the labor camp, the CCP personnel continued to tap my phone and monitor me and plotted to arrest me several times, but Teacher turned danger into safety. In this process, I gradually formed a habit without notice: before I went out to hand out truth-clarification material, I looked down to see whether there was any suspicious car on the way to the Fa study site, and I looked around if a stranger walked near me for a few dozens meters or got on a bus at my stop. If I suspected that someone was following me, I would turn left and right, making a big circle on a very short road. If I found a strange car parked downstairs for a bit longer than usual, I became alert and would tell fellow practitioners that my place was not safe and they should try not to come. I was cautious at all times and rarely contacted fellow practitioners. As a result, I was nervous every day and imprisoned by my fears. Although I was doing the three things, I was not very relaxed. I completely did not have the state that Teacher described:

"Gods walk the earth,
validating the Fa"

(from Hong Yin II)

I realized that this state did not reflect the Fa, but I was unable to remove it fundamentally.

I shared it with a veteran practitioner at a practice site, and this practitioner pointed out that I had the attachment of suspicion and should send forth righteous thoughts more and negate it. I studied the Fa at home and read the following passage from Zhuan Falun:

"There is another type of person. Someone was told in the past that he had spirit or animal possession. He felt that way as well. However, upon having it removed for him, his mind still worries about it. He always thinks that the condition still exists. He still thinks that it is there, and this is already an attachment called suspicion. As time passes, this person may bring it to himself again."

I suddenly realized that this paragraph of Teacher's Fa highlighted the crux of my problem! There was possibly a suggestion of danger for me in the past, but through sending forth righteous thoughts, Teacher had already taken it away for me. Nevertheless, I still felt it was there. This was an attachment that I was not aware of, and I thought I was rightfully paying attention to my safety. I brought the danger back to me again as a result of human suspicion and actually created an unsafe environment for myself.

After I enlightened to this Fa principle, I calmed down and sent strong righteous thoughts: "I am a divine being who assists Teacher in Fa-rectification. No evil is allowed to control human beings to monitor and follow me and hence commit crimes towards Dafa." I completely cleared away the interference caused by my attachment of suspicion. Immediately I felt incomparably huge and a relaxation of my whole body and mind. I knew merciful Teacher took out the substance of the attachment of suspicion in other dimensions for me. The manifestation on the human side was that more fellow practitioners came to my home, and I felt a sense of peace which I had never experienced before. A few days ago, a fellow practitioner who had not come to my home before said to me, "It's strange: once I arrived at your home, I felt very relaxed and calm. Before I went upstairs at another practitioner's home, I felt nervous and sensed a kind of invisible pressure." I suddenly understood that when no thought of evil exists in my mind, my corresponding dimensions also become very pure, and people around me will also feel differently due to my single thought.