(Clearwisdom.net) I recently experienced an incident that helped me better understand what it means to completely negate the old forces' arrangements.
Several months ago, my husband and I took my daughter to the city hospital because she didn't feel well. After examining her, the doctors told us that my daughter had a large tumor in her stomach. They told us to be prepared because the tumor may well be cancerous. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My husband was especially devastated by the news.
Frankly, I'm ashamed of my cultivation state. I started practicing Falun Gong in 1998 and have been a practitioner for 10 years. However, I have not done the three things well. I didn't go to group study and act like a practitioner. I didn't look inward when I encountered difficulties. My understanding of the Fa was limited to its healing effects. I didn't understand what it meant to upgrade one's understanding of the Fa toward rational enlightenment. I only knew that Dafa is good.
That night, I called a fellow practitioner and told her about my daughter's situation. She firmly told me that this was just an illusion and I should not recognize it. We have Teacher and the Fa, so my daughter would be fine. I told my daughter to recite, "Falun Dafa is good. Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance are good." My whole family recited these words. After that, the operation to remove the tumor went smoothly. The doctors said that my daughter's blood was normal and that the tumor may just be a fibroma. However, they needed to conduct further tests in order to confirm their diagnosis. We were quite happy.
During the next several days, I sent forth righteous thoughts whenever I could. I told myself, "Completely negate the old forces' arrangement. I do not recognize anything you arrange. I will only follow Teacher's arrangement." Although I recited this every day, my mind still questioned, "What is Teacher's arrangement? It must be good." I indulged in these types of thoughts. Another practitioner reminded me not to be overzealous or the evil would take advantage of this loophole. Still, I couldn't help feeling happy from the bottom of my heart. I smiled all day and rarely recited "Falun Dafa is good. Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good."
Before the doctors told us about my daughter's test results, my heart was pounding. The attachments to fear and qing emerged. The doctors told us that they still couldn't determine if the tumor was cancerous and would need to do further testing at another hospital. I was shocked!
The practitioner shared with me that this might be caused by my attachment of zealotry. However, even if we have gaps and human notions, the old forces are not worthy of interfering with practitioners. She told me that other practitioners were sending forth righteous thoughts for me and that my daughter would be fine. With Teacher and fellow practitioners' help, my daughter was able to come home and the stitches were removed quickly. After we got home, several practitioners brought a CD of the music of Pudu and Jishi and DVDs of Teacher's lectures for us to watch with my daughter.
We had to wait seven days for the result to arrive. My heart was pounding again. I thought to myself, "What will the result be? It must be good." I waited until the afternoon for my husband to call, but he didn't. As a result, I thought to myself, "The result must be bad." So I called him to find out. He sounded sad on the phone and told me that the tumor was cancerous, and he was still discussing with experts about treatment options.
I felt weak and my heart was filled with despair. "How could this happen? Don't we have Teacher to look after us?" A practitioner was by my side. She reminded me that my heart should not be moved and that I should have strong righteous thoughts. Everything in this dimension is an illusion. How could the old forces control things? The practitioner's words strengthened my righteous thoughts. What the practitioner said was true. My daughter came here for the Fa so it's not important whether the tumor is cancerous or benign.
During the next several days, our neighbors and relatives came to visit my daughter after they heard the news. We used this opportunity to clarify the truth to them. When my daughter's classmates came, she would tell them about Falun Gong. She was not attached to eliminating her "illness", but instead focused on clarifying the truth to save more people. Sometimes she would ask for Teacher's help. Some of her classmates withdrew from the Communist Party Youth League after learning the truth.
My husband was still depressed. He said, "We've been reciting 'Falun Dafa is good. Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.' How come no miracle has happened? Tomorrow I'll take the test results to the first hospital and confirm the diagnosis. If it's truly cancerous, let's take our daughter to the hospital for treatment." No matter what he said, my mind was calm. I remembered Teacher said in the "Teaching the Fa at the Washington, D.C. Fa Conference 2002," "Wherever there's a problem, that is where you need to clarify the truth and save people."
We waited for seven days for the second opinion of my daughter's condition. During this time, we did the three things well. I didn't have any fear, even when my husband went to the hospital to get the results. It turned out the hospital didn't run the tests. I constantly reminded myself not to be overjoyed. When my human notions emerged, I eliminated them immediately. My husband refused to give up and went to Beijing to get a second opinion.
A couple of days before my husband came back from Beijing, I was reading the "Minghui Weekly" with another practitioner. An article mentioned that some practitioners who had bad dreams, had a feeling that something bad might happen or believed in some fortuneteller's words from the past would become scared and lose their righteous thoughts. Then the old forces would take advantage of their gaps and persecute them. It also mentioned that practitioners should not focus on the outcome since Teacher looks at the process. While reading the article, I asked myself, "Isn't this talking about me?" It was like Teacher saw through me and used this article to remind me since I hadn't been able to enlighten to this for a long time. I felt that this was Teacher's arrangement and am very grateful for it.
I found my attachment. I was having bad dreams and had an attachment to fear. This then allowed the evil to persecute me. I was afraid and attached to the outcome of my daughter's illness, which led to the negative results. I realized that my daughter would be fine and that this was just an illusion caused by my attachments. When my husband returned from Beijing, he said that the tumor was benign. He went to two different hospitals and got the same result. He felt so relieved. I was happy too. My husband then changed his attitude towards Dafa. Every morning he burns incense in front of Teacher's picture. He also uses this incident to clarify the truth to my in-laws. This incident also made me more diligent in cultivation.
I was not sure whether I should write this article. I felt that it was not worth writing about since my cultivation state was not good. I was worried fellow practitioners would have a poor opinion of me. After thinking about this for a month, I decided to write it down. The fear of people's judgment is a human notion. Should we stop validating Dafa just because we're worried that people might make fun of us? Isn't this an attachment? I'd like to remind practitioners who are not diligent, like I was, to not feel inferior. All those human notions are attachments we need to get rid of. Teacher has never looked down on us or given up on us. We should not ask Teacher to only push us forward. Teacher said in Zhuan Falun, "The entire cultivation process for a practitioner is one of constantly giving up human attachments."
I'd like to thank all the practitioners who have helped me during this period, especially our local coordinator, who was always by my side and reminding me to give up human attachments and strengthen my righteous thoughts. I'm also grateful for Teacher's compassionate salvation.
Please kindly point out anything inappropriate in my sharing.
