(Clearwisdom.net) When the persecution against Falun Gong first began in April 1999, I had just begun practicing. I developed this attachment that, because I started practicing later than other practitioners, I was not qualified to make suggestions to other practitioners. This attachment has caused me deep regret and irretrievable losses. I'd like to bring it out into the open today, in hopes that other practitioners can learn from my lesson and do better in the limited time that remains. Let us let go of our human attachments and harmonize our group. On the path of cultivation, let us not leave any regrets.
For a long time, I thought I was not qualified to make remarks or suggestions about other practitioners. When I saw that other practitioners obviously had attachments, I was too timid to point it out, because they began practicing before me. When I saw that they had omissions, I thought, "I started practicing late and have no credentials to speak of. I should let the coordinator do his job." When I saw that the group had omissions and fell behind during the Fa-rectification process, and after discussing it with other practitioners, things still didn't change, I thought, "Forget it. There is one Master and one Fa. Whoever enlightens will gain. However much one enlightens to, one will gain that much. Why should I be the one to make others upset?"
Because our group had omissions for a long time and did not improve, I knew terrible things would happen, but I hid in a corner and sent forth righteous thoughts by myself, feeling quite alright. I thought, "I've already tried my best. I can only do so much. It's up to them if they want to listen. They have all been practicing for longer than I. What can I do? As long as I have done nothing wrong, I am OK."
The old forces ran rampant. In two days, eight practitioners were arrested, and 21 were implicated. Two Falun Gong informational materials production centers were sabotaged. There were great losses to equipment and resources. One practitioner was killed and one injured. Three were forced to leave their homes. I was stunned by the outcome. I wept and my heart bled. I fell into deep regret and guilt. Why didn't I say something more serious earlier? Why was I so impatient? Why was I so afraid of things getting complicated? Why was I so afraid of others saying that I had an attachment to showing off? Why was I only passively hoping that things would improve? Although I had a sense of responsibility, I didn't have any compassion for fellow practitioners. Is this the right state for a cultivator? Am I truly not at fault? Have I truly been responsible?
When sharing with other practitioners, I told them, "We are the safest when we rely on Master and on the Fa. We have to keep up with the Fa-rectification. The more we keep up with it, the safer we are." But in reality, my actions fell far behind.
Having written the above, I suddenly realized that I didn't really have any sense of responsibility, either. All I was thinking was, "If something goes wrong for you, I am not at fault." How was this being responsible? This is actually deeply-hidden selfishness. Of course there is no compassion to speak of in such an attitude. Thinking about the practitioners detained in labor camps and prisons, I feel truly ashamed.
If I had even just a little sense of responsibility out of compassion, I would not have been so impatient with fellow practitioners' attachments and omissions. I would not have feared the work involved in correcting the omissions of our group as a whole. I would not have feared that others would think I was showing off. I would not have sent forth righteous thoughts alone, or only wishing passively for a good outcome. I would have been able to communicate well with fellow practitioners and we would have avoided the serious losses we suffered today.
We are the main body of Dafa practitioners. We should remind ourselves at every moment, "We are disciples of Master Li Hongzhi. We are cultivators of Falun Dafa. We are gods that can reach the heavens. Our powers are boundless." When we truly eliminate all human attachments, the Chinese Communist Party will not have any opportunity to survive and run rampant. It only takes one thought of Dafa disciples for the CCP to completely disintegrate.
