(Clearwisdom.net) I would like to share my thoughts with fellow practitioners, hoping to awaken those in a similar state of mind.
My attachment to comfort recently has been strong, but I had become numb to it. The sleep demon often interfered with me. Though I still did the three things everyday, I did not do them with the same urgency as before.
I looked inward and examined myself. I was very fearful during the Olympic Games, an event the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) used as a pretext to arrest practitioners. Although I have been strengthening my belief in Master and the Fa and have not stopped doing the three things, I felt it was dangerous to distribute informational flyers about Falun Gong. I felt it necessary to adjust my own state to ensure my safety. Besides the fear factor, there was also a sense of corrupt beings interfering with me. In addition, I still had a strong ego.
Master knew my intention to look inward, but I was not on the right track. So, Master gave me hints twice in my dreams. In the first dream, many people were struggling during disasters. I was not far from them but did not intend to save them. I was just there, oblivious, thinking about my own things. In the second dream, the train still had not started, even though it was time to leave. I urged others to start the train. I was simply waiting to take the train home.
These dreams made me realize that I am attached to time. I felt I had done what I needed to do. The rest of the people did not need to be saved. It was as if I had finished my tasks. I did not want to give more and contribute more. I thought it was time for the Fa-rectification to end. I saw that disasters had happened, so it should be time, that the people we could not save could be given up, that they had made their own choice.
I also thought I had gone everywhere that I could think of and talked to everyone around me. It was good enough for the 90 percent of them who agreed to quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations. I felt I had contributed enough. My ego and my attachment to pride and contentment were so deeply hidden! It frightened me to discover these attachments. How would I be qualified to become a god? How could I reach consummation?
Master says:
"People's True Thoughts determine who of them is to be weeded out, and yes, they can be destroyed in the turn of a hand. But what have I come here for? Why have I endured so much for all beings? [If I did things that way,] wouldn't I have done all of that in vain?" ("Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference")
I suddenly understood everything when I read this and burst into tears. I often thought that I was assisting Master in Fa-rectification and fulfilling my prehistoric vows. Is this how I assisted Master in Fa-rectification? I did not feel the urgency to offer sentient beings salvation and simply waited to "go home" myself. Isn't this completely unworthy of Master's forbearance for all sentient beings? Am I doing things that make the old forces happy? How dangerous it is! I could no longer sit still when I thought about all this. I immediately sent righteous thoughts and went out to distribute flyers.
We should walk well and righteously along the journey Master has arranged for us and follow what Master says. This is our process of ascending and is the process of negating the old forces' arrangements as well. We must eliminate the attachment to time and the attachment to self and steadily fulfill our prehistoric vows!
