(Clearwisdom.net) For several nights in a row, I began to feel tired before midnight, which is the time for sending forth righteous thoughts. I lay down to rest for a little while, thinking that I could get up on time. However, I missed the right time, and woke up at around 3:00 a.m. instead. Feeling regret, I asked myself why I couldn't stay up until midnight. It was because my righteous thoughts were not strong enough, and so the attachment to comfort took over.
The notions humans form in this environment of hardship and maze are to pursue comfort, happiness and self-protection. This is based on selfishness. What is "natural" does not exist, especially for Dafa practitioners in the Fa-rectification era. The old forces arranged everything in extreme detail, and they are staring at our every single thought and action. The old forces try to grasp a practitioner's superficial and uncultivated side, intensify it, and make their acquired notions take action. If we do not study the Fa well, and discipline ourselves in accordance with the standards of the Fa, we mistakenly regard these notions as our own original thinking. Then the old forces multiply these notions, strengthen them, and thus practitioners will sink into depressing and dangerous situations.
I learned this lesson from past experiences. When I worked creating informational materials and sending emails, I had many chances to work on the Internet. Occasionally, I came across some bad websites. When I could remain unmoved by whatever I saw or heard, I did not experience interference. However, my attachment to lust was relative heavy, and for a while, I also had slacked off on studying the Fa. I thought that after doing so many informational materials, I could relax for a while. The old forces grabbed the opportunity and for a period of time, my mind was occupied with bad thoughts. My cell phone also received some trashy text messages, and some of my colleagues also said some dirty words in front of me. I even felt good about this and added some comments. Had my righteous thoughts been strong, I should have looked inside: Did Master not tell us "The Buddha-light illuminates everywhere and rectifies all abnormalities"? The pure cultivation field of a practitioner should be able to rectify all these abnormalities that are around us. Why did I have bad thoughts? However, when I tried to return to a righteous state, I also encountered much interference. Those old force factors made me fall asleep whenever I picked up Dafa books to read. To break through that, I thought maybe I could just take a short break; however, I always ended up falling asleep the entire time. Similarly, it also happened when it was time to send righteous thoughts, as I mentioned earlier.
What was I going to do? Studying the Fa would be the only way to help me establish solid righteous thoughts. The Fa created the nature of our lives and our living environment. It is the source of all our righteous thoughts. In "The Issue of Eating Meat" in Zhuan Falun, Master says,
"I once used this example: Have you ever seen a Buddha or a Tao sitting there with a cigarette in his mouth? How can that be possible? As a practitioner, what's your goal? Shouldn't you quit it? Therefore, I have said that if you want to practice cultivation, you should quit smoking. It harms your body and is a desire as well. That is just the opposite of the requirements for our practitioners." (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun, 2000 translation version)
I felt very bad about myself because I had forgotten what I wanted as a Dafa practitioner, and what my historical mission was. I had allowed the acquired notions to control me. How many lives in my other cosmic worlds were eliminated simply because I did not cultivate myself well? How much loss have I caused because of that? After reading all of Master's lectures, I felt that my righteous thoughts became stronger and stronger, and the bad thoughts weakened. Meanwhile, when I send forth righteous thoughts, I focus on cleansing my thought karma, the notions and the interference from outside. Now I have a clearer mind when doing the sitting meditation.
This incident also helped me to understand better Master's teaching,
"For a long period of time the sentient beings in Dafa, especially the disciples, have had a misunderstanding of the Fa at various levels regarding xinxing improvement. Whenever a tribulation comes, you do not see it with the side of your original nature but view it completely with your human side. Evil demons then capitalize on this point and inflict endless interference and damage, leaving students in long-term tribulations. As a matter of fact, this results from an inadequate understanding of the Fa by your human side. You have humanly restrained your divine side; in other words, you have restrained the parts that have been successfully cultivated and have prevented them from doing Fa-rectification. How can the uncultivated side restrain your main thoughts or the side that has already attained the Fa? Having humanly fostered the evil demons, you allow them to capitalize on the loopholes in the Fa. When a tribulation arrives, if you, a disciple, can truly maintain an unshakable calm or be determined to meet different requirements at different levels, this should be sufficient for you to pass the test. If it continues endlessly and if there do not exist other problems in your xinxing or conduct, it must be that the evil demons are capitalizing on the weak spots caused by your lack of control. After all, a cultivator is not an ordinary human. So why doesn't the side of you that is your original nature rectify the Fa?" ("Expounding on the Fa" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
Being practitioners in the Fa-rectification era, we are tested by beings at very high levels. Therefore, whenever problems occur, we must search inside ourselves for the reasons. In the meantime, when we do that, the old forces who use "testing practitioners" as excuses will be eliminated as well. We must understand the Fa from the Fa's perspective, not from those of human notions.
Master says,
"Human consciousness is formed postnatally at the human surface, and it only manifests as a subconscious reaction to things. Consciousness is unstable, it can change anytime, and it changes along with the changes in external conditions and the overall situation in society. If someone completely relies on these things, he doesn't have his own thoughts. In addition, his thoughts are unsystematic, erratic, and he has no upright thoughts and no true self." ("Teaching the Fa at the Discussion on Creating Fine Art," 2003)
Why was I depressed before? Why had I learned from human beings but not from the Fa? Why had I followed human trends? Why did I once waver and compromise under this traumatic persecution situation? Why was my mind so easily moved by even slight dangers? The answer to all these questions is that I did not study the Fa well, had loosened my righteous thoughts and let acquired notions control my main consciousness.
We have to study the Fa well, get rid of acquired notions, strengthen our righteous thoughts, and hold on tightly to our righteous thoughts, so that we can walk well on our path in the last stage of Fa-rectification.
