(Clearwisdom.net) I consider myself a cultivator, so when I come into contact with everyday people in society, I know to search inward and cultivate xinxing; yet I seem to forget this when I am at home, because I take it as a place of relaxation. This attitude is even more pronounced, since some of my family members are also cultivators. Subsequently, I haven't maintained righteous thoughts at home, saying and doing as I pleased without regard for xinxing.
For instance, I endure workplace conflicts that were intended to elevate my xinxing, but once I'm home, I began to complain to my husband about this or that person being so bad, just for the sake of conversation. In reality, it is no different than scheming against an ordinary person. When I'm outside, I know to treat others with goodwill and with a kind attitude. But at home, I often yelled loudly at my husband. When he didn't do things the way that pleased me, I even sarcastically criticized him. My son is a child practitioner. I strongly exerted my adult authority over him. I failed to adhere to Teacher's standards to educate my son with reason, and I constantly raised my voice to criticize him. My child's behavior was just a reflection of my own. He also learned to raise his voice when talking to me, which was something I really didn't know how to respond to. As a matter of fact, I couldn't cultivate my own xinxing while educating my child.
Oftentimes, I did not cultivate my speech at home. I had a serious attachment of showing off in front of my husband, along with a terrible temper. I thought that my husband was weak and incapable. I even felt that I was a little too good for him. In reality, these are all manifestations of human feelings. I believed that gains and self-interests were things I could let go of, but I would go to extremes in arguing with my husband over my interests at home. I thought that there shouldn't be any problem with this, because it was between family and fellow practitioners. Therefore, I would act as I pleased over the slightest bit of self interest. On a day when I verbally offended my husband, Teacher pointed out to me that I should maintain the same harmonious and compassionate heart when engaging with my own family. However, it's only now that I have realized that I should take this matter seriously.
Now I understand that true compassion is the product of cultivation, and is not something that's simply expressed, much less pretended. Compassion is not something that changes with a change in environment. My behavior was good outside the home, but at home it was completely different. In reality, I was just doing false cultivation, not fundamentally changing myself. I didn't actually cultivate compassion, but rather I pretended to be compassionate; since it was pretended, once my environment changed my true nature was revealed. A piece of gold is still gold no matter where it is placed. If there's anything else inside or outside of me, then it means that I did not truly, fundamentally change myself. What a frightening thing it was, to see that all that time cultivating back and forth, it all turned out to be false.
However, I discovered that it wasn't just me. There are many fellow practitioners around me who have similar issues, and who are not cultivating their xinxing when dealing with members of their own family, or each other. Husbands and wives are both practitioners, but treat one another with attitudes worse than with ordinary people. Some women practitioners would treat their husbands rudely with un-ladylike tempers. They behaved slightly better in front of other practitioners, but at home it was the same old attitude. It's really just like performing one way in front of people, then another way behind their backs. There are also some husbands who act the same way toward their practitioner wives. Some daughter practitioners would talk anyway they pleased to their mothers, even verbally wounding them at times. Mothers would in turn point out the faults of their daughters without maintaining a compassionate attitude, resulting in more sarcastic responses from their daughters. This is really a sign of the lack of xinxing cultivation at home. There are other cases where both parties were equally obsessed with money and kept heavy attachments to self-interest. Many of my fellow practitioners have these sorts of issues at home. These people are not new practitioners who just started cultivation, but seasoned practitioners who weathered the storm for many years. Some are veteran practitioners who have been cultivating for well over ten years. It wouldn't be appropriate to say that these practitioners don't know how to cultivate, but perhaps they simply neglect this issue!
In reality, our human family isn't a part of our real home. We shouldn't regard it as a safe harbor to take shelter from the everyday storm. We shouldn't relax our requirements for ourselves just because we're at home, for it is also a place for us to cultivate our xinxing. This should definitely not be overlooked.
This is my personal experience. Please point out any shortcomings.
Composed: October 28th, 2009
