(Clearwisdom.net) I'm not quite diligent in my cultivation. Although I have been practicing Falun Dafa over 10 years, I still have attachments to things such fame and interest, competitiveness, selfishness, and lust. I have been trying hard to get rid of those attachments for years, and thought that I was lucky not to have any jealousy, since I seemingly never felt jealous toward anyone. Thus I didn't pay much attention to the attachment of jealousy. However, a recent event aroused my attention, which made me realize how dangerous and severe my jealousy has been.
I work at a government office in China with 40 to 50 employees. We have plenty of annual funds to operate on. The leaders in my work unit spent a lot of money on meals and entertainment. They never cared how much money they spent on business dinners and entertainment, but were very stingy when they had to spend money for items employees needed, such as office supplies - paper, pens etc. They even tried to calculate how much water an employee drank each day and how many sheets of paper were used per day, and I always felt that this was unfair. I felt that it was not necessary for them to be so stingy. The expense of one business dinner was more than the cost to cover a few months of office supplies. I believed that it was not worth skimping on such a minor expense. Sometimes I thought of it from the angle of a practitioner. Being faced with such a thing may not have been accidental for me. This may have happened in order for me to realize that I needed to get rid of something. However, I was not serious about looking within and digging out my attachment and was therefore unable to get rid of it.
At a recent meeting, the leaders from the work unit asked all employees to express their concerns. I raised the subject again and criticized the director of the general office for trying to reduce the paper supplies. Later, her had a big argument with me and refused to back down. It became a serious conflict and I started to think harder and to find out which of my attachments had caused such a conflict. I realized it was my jealousy. Frankly speaking, when I saw the leaders eat, drink and play causally with business money, while I had a hard time getting enough paper to do my job, I felt it was really unfair. Master said,
"A wicked person is born of jealousy.
Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself."
("Realms" from Essentials For Further Advancement)
I realized that when I feel unfairly treated this way, it is because of my attachment to jealousy. Here, I like to suggest to others who feel similarly unbalanced to look inward and see whether you experience jealousy. No matter whether in your work place or at home, as long as you feel unbalanced over something, it must be your jealousy playing a role.
For example, you have carefully been taking care of your parents and your parents-in-law, but your sisters, brothers and those in-laws haven't done anything but always point their fingers and complain about something. This may cause you to feel unfairly treated. You might think that they have taken advantage of you and at the same time show off their cleverness. Sometimes, our parents may favor a particular sibling over us, which can also cause us to feel unfairly treated. Some people may even work very hard at work without complaining, but others still point fingers at them, causing them to feel wronged. All such feelings are caused by jealousy.
Let us think about it. Master mentioned a case in Zhuan Falun, where a person was capable and did well at anything at work, but another one in the same office, who was unable to do anything well, was promoted. Isn't this similar to ours? We put forth an effort, but didn't get what we thought we deserved, therefore, we felt unfairly treated; others didn't do anything but received more, thus we felt jealous. In fact, all unbalanced and jealous feelings are due to us judging with human principles and in the human environment. Would a god think in the same way? Would he feel unbalanced? You didn't get what you thought you deserved; he did get something without having put forth any effort. Master taught us that everything has its predestined relationship. That person received it because he was supposed to have it, it was his fortune. On the other hand, because he did get something and we didn't, could it be that he helped us to improve our xinxing and thus transform our karma into virture, and therefore improve our gong? Looking at it from this angle, should we not appreciate him instead of feeling jealous of him? Gods do not experience jealousy. We should get rid of all our jealousy and unbalanced feelings.
The above is just my personal understanding. Please point out anything improper.
November 6, 2009
