(Clearwisdom.net) I am a 23-year-old female Falun Gong practitioner. I started to practice Falun Gong with my parents when I was 11 years old; however, I was not steadfast and did not know how to search inward. After passing a tribulation, I learned how to search inward and realized more about the magnificence and meaning of cultivation in the Fa rectification.
I was engaged three years ago. After the engagement, I heard that he had a girlfriend and that they had dated for a long time. However, I felt that this situation was very common and he also promised that there was no future for him and his ex-girlfriend. My parents and I thought that I should not easily reject his offer of marriage, so we got married a year later.
After our marriage, he left home twice without telling me why. He tried to commit suicide by taking pesticide but recovered after hospitalization. After he left home for the second time, I heard that he was staying with his ex-girlfriend. When he came back, his relatives pressured him and he came to my home to beg for my forgiveness. I decided to give him another chance.
During this period of time, I could not do the three things well. I became trapped by my emotions and couldn't pull myself out. In the beginning, he behaved well. Gradually, he became colder and colder, and ignored everything I did for him. I could not stand the situation and decided to get a divorce. I cried in front of Master's picture, "Master, I understand that it's not right to get a divorce, but I cannot stand it any more."
My mom is also a practitioner. She was interfered with by this also. My dad disagreed with my decision, but I really couldn't listen to him. At that moment, a fellow practitioner asked me to come stay with her for several days. During that time, we discussed how to look inward and did not mention anything related to my current problem. After studying the Fa and reading practitioners' sharing articles, I found several attachments and decided to get rid of them.
After I went back home, I studied the Fa whenever I had free time. In the beginning, I could not help but use the Fa to measure other people. Thoughts that other people did not behave well always appeared in my mind. As I started to be aware of them, I asked myself, "Do I cultivate myself or other people?" I started to let go of all my expectations of others and concentrated on studying the Fa.
Master's every word was exactly for me and I clearly found my attachments. I had a thought: "No matter what my behavior was, I will follow Master's request from now on. No one is allowed to impose any test on me. Only the arrangements of Master count."
Through continuously studying the Fa and looking inward, I found my attachments to emotion and lust. Gradually, I found that I had expectations for a wonderful ordinary person's life and attachments to jealousy and fame. I started to realize Master's arrangements. Every time I found an attachment, Master always gave me enough time to get rid of it. When I have almost completely let go of an attachment, another one will surface. I kept learning the Fa and recited the Fa whenever I had time. When I sensed a conflict, I always looked inward and found out which attachment needed to be let go. Then, I would recite relevant Fa again and again. After understanding my situation from the Fa, I did not feel in pain anymore. No matter what attachment would surface, the corresponding Fa would always guide me to get rid of it. I had a thought: "When I feel uncomfortable, it's the time to let go of an attachment. I am not afraid of uncomfortable feelings. I must let go of my attachments."
Because our attachments are relinquished layer by layer and Master keeps separating the part of us that is fully cultivated, we often feel that our attachments that had already been gotten rid of have surfaced again. Therefore, we should kept studying the Fa and looking inward.
I felt a joy from my mind that could not easily be described. Master said,
"If something is yours, you will not lose it. If something is not yours, you will not have it even if you fight for it." (Zhuan Falun)
The joy in my mind is the comfortable and confident feeling after attachments are gotten rid of. For sure, his behavior was not right. Since we cultivate benevolence, I could not let him keep doing wrong. With a compassionate mind, I told him that his behavior would result in bad consequences. However, the decision was up to him. Through this incident, I realized that real cultivation is to cultivate the mind. When a conflict occurs, instead of looking inward superficially, I try to find the root cause buried deep in my mind.
When I studied the Fa well and kept cultivating myself, the interference gradually disappeared. My mind could not be interfered with anymore. The environment was also changing. I started to actively clarify the truth and do work to save sentient beings. I helped fellow practitioners to pass through sickness tribulations and saved detained practitioners. I helped my parents do housework. When my parents saw my changes, they did not worry any more.
I would like to thank Master for looking after me and continuously giving me hints, and thank my fellow practitioner for her help and sharing at the right moment. I will study the Fa well and cultivate myself in order to accomplish the historical missions of saving sentient beings and assisting Master in the Fa-rectification period.
June 5, 2009
Category: Improving Oneself
