(Clearwisdom.net) I had mixed feelings after reading the articles from the November 24 edition of Minghui Daily. The first article that I read was "Dafa Books and Truth-Clarification Materials Are Not 'Evidence' for Persecution." The article said: "We should all look within ourselves. Is our first thought a righteous thought? Is this righteous thought strong, like a diamond? Whatever we do we should ask ourselves, 'Would a god do it this way?' Master has asked us to learn positive lessons, not negative ones. My understanding is that positive lessons teach us to measure everything based on the Fa, rectify our words and actions within the Fa and deal with the persecution with righteous thoughts. Using negative examples, on the other hand, is looking at problems with human notions, avoiding the persecution using human methods and protecting oneself using degenerated human ways."

In the article "Your Thinking When Facing Danger Reveals Whether You Are a Cultivator," a fellow practitioner wrote: "I have tearfully asked a fellow practitioner, 'Why is my cultivation so difficult? Why is it so hard? I see that you have been more relaxed than me in your cultivation.' Now I see that 'difficult' and 'hard' are just that. The key issue when facing difficulty and danger is your thoughts. If your first thought is human reasoning and your first approach uses human ways, and only later you remember that you are a Dafa practitioner, then you don't have the right perspective on the relationship between yourself, Dafa, and Master."

These articles touched my heart. I have often pondered: Why do I always experience interference? My cultivation has been difficult and I have been hesitant in saving sentient beings. Deep in my heart, I felt that I had not done as Master required. I went to Beijing to validate the Fa in 2000, was illegally sentenced to forced labor in 2001 and detained again in 2009. Whenever something happens, my first thought is to protect myself from harm using human ways, but I also know that I could not give up cultivation. So, I was compromising with the evil to the extent that I could tolerate. For example, when the evil people in my company asked me whether I would continue cultivation, I replied: "I have nothing to say regarding whether I will continue cultivation, but I can tell you that I will be doing a good job at work. I only want a peaceful living and working environment." I knew that I had replied out of fear instead of using righteous thoughts. I would even thank the company leadership using the CCP-instilled mentality. My goal was to reduce the tension, so that they would not be evil enough to hurt me. I would remain silent when facing pressure in the evil's den. I was thinking of avoiding the evil instead of using righteous thoughts to eliminate it.

Over the past ten years, I found that whenever I have the Fa in my heart, I can feel Master's compassionate care. In fact, Master is looking after me all of the time. In the past, I was foggy-headed and not cultivating within the Fa, which caused Master to worry. I often felt a sense of shame about the shortcomings in my cultivation. Later, I realized that my negative thinking was not correct and that I was lacking when compared to my fellow practitioners' solid cultivation and maturity.

Recently, I have realized that I was not acting in accordance with Master's requirements and not able to distinguish my true self from other entities. Also, I was not able to immediately eliminate external interference. When the persecution started in 1999, I saw fellow practitioners vowing to do well in front of Master's image. I felt this was good and also wanted to make a vow, but a thought appeared in my head: "Can you fulfill your vow? You can't!"

When Master's instructions for sending forth righteous thoughts were published in 2001, fellow practitioners made efforts to send forth righteous thoughts. Especially in the evil's den, practitioners sent forth righteous thoughts every hour. But I was reluctant to send forth righteous thoughts and only wanted to study the Fa and do the exercises. I was not clear on how to eliminate the evil during the time periods designated for sending forth righteous thoughts. During the first five minutes in particular, I only recited the verses but was not very clear about eliminating the bad thoughts in my mind, such as thought karma, bad notions, and external interference. For a long time, my mind would wander when sending forth righteous thoughts and I did not achieve any positive results.

Master said,

"The beings that gods respect the least are those who can't find themselves and whose righteous thoughts are lacking whenever they do things. If somebody can't find himself, if he doesn't say what he means, if he goes to extremes when he does things, and if the real him isn't in control, then tell me, who would I be saving? Which one is you? Gods have the least respect for beings like that. Even though those people have joined the ranks of Dafa disciples, they're actually not part of Dafa. That's truly sad. They have no righteous thoughts." ("Teaching the Fa at the Meeting with Asia-Pacific Students")

In addition, Minghui Daily's article "The Attachment to Wanting Approval and Being Afraid of Others' Misunderstanding" has also exposed my attachments. The fellow practitioner's thorough analysis made my shortcomings very clear to me.

The two other articles, "Do the Three Things Well and Fulfill Our Vows" and "What Should We Do When Fellow Practitioners Face Evil Interference?" also greatly helped me in dealing with the problems I currently face. I was puzzled by my own minor sickness karma interference and incidents of fellow practitioners facing sickness karma, but now I have gained a new understanding from fellow practitioners' experiences. I know that I need to unconditionally look deeply within myself in my cultivation and when I become affected by fellow practitioners' cultivation states. We cannot be superficial about it. Truly studying the Fa well is what fundamentally ensures that we eliminate all forms of interference.

I want to thank fellow practitioners for their candid, insightful experience sharing. No words can express my gratitude for Master's boundless compassion. Master, I will do well!