(Clearwisdom.net) For more than 10 years I have been practicing Falun Gong and walking on the path to return to my true home as directed by our compassionate Teacher. During this process I have experienced the joy of raising my xinxing but there have been times when I would take one step forward and two steps back due to interference by the old forces. Sometimes my understanding of the Fa is better than other times. I would like to share my experience of cultivation.
Teacher said in "Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference,"
"Compassion is an enormous energy, the energy of righteous gods. The more compassion that is present, the greater this energy becomes, and it can disintegrate anything that is bad."
There were times when I could not prevent the interference of evil and times when I even followed evil when faced with tribulations. For example, when I was persecuted, interference came from my family and I did not have time to study the Fa because there were so many chores and other work to be done. Why was evil able to interfere with my cultivation? I realized it was because of my many human attachments, impure thoughts and lack of divine mercy.
A few days ago I had a runny nose when the weather changed. I had everyday people's thinking that I had seasonal allergies. Other people taunted me saying that my exercises don't work. I understood that it was evil interfering with me; allowing people to see my situation so that no one wanted to hear about the truth of Dafa. Because of this, the salvation of sentient beings was affected. I realized I would be to blame if they were not saved. I started to look inward and found that I have many attachments. For example I had attachments of suspicion and desire and I lacked compassion for sentiment beings. I was only thinking of myself and did not consider other people's feelings. Even though I was upset when I heard words that attacked Dafa, I did not clarify the truth about with compassion. This was the reason for my runny nose. After I found my attachments, I adjusted myself according to the Fa and eliminated my attachments. I clarified the truth to people with compassion and I realized that I can stop interference from evil.
Recently I fell asleep while studying the Fa after I got off work. I felt so sleepy when I studied the Fa, as if the Fa were a lullaby. I realized that I did not respect Teacher and the Fa enough. My thoughts were wrong and this was why I could not study the Fa properly. I looked inward deeply and found:
1. My actions disrespected Teacher. I sat on a comfortable bed wearing only my underwear when I studied the Fa. I was absent-minded and did not concentrate. I did not read Teacher's new teachings after I had had them for a long time. I did not truly pass when faced with tribulations. I did not cultivate diligently. When I realized this, I corrected it immediately.
2. I had many attachments, including the attachments of money and fortune. These caused interference during my Fa study. How could I enlighten when I had such impure thoughts?
3. I also had the attachment of fighting. I did not accept the opinions of others. I always thought I was better than others. When something bothered my heart or other people criticized me, I was accepting on the surface but I didn't feel peace in my heart. If someone said something to me, I endured it at the time but afterward I felt it was very unfair, and even criticized others behind their backs. I thought I was much better than others.
Especially when I had fights with my husband, I thought I was better than him and I could do many things he could not do. Thus I did not allow him to criticize me. Because of this I had fights with him at home and even in front of our neighbors. I started to search inward and found I have attachments of fighting, greed, fame, fortune and so on. I dug to the roots of my attachments and eliminated them. I asked Teacher to strengthen me to disintegrate them. I kept calm when my husband scolded me. I sent forth righteous thoughts to dissolve all the evil elements controlling him. I searched inward to find why he scolded me. I eliminated my attachment of thinking that I'm better than him. I think to myself: I am a practitioner and must keep righteous thoughts all the time. My husband no longer searches for my faults and our home is now peaceful. I realized this is because my human notions were eliminated and instead I have righteous thoughts that dissolve all evil factors.
As I improve my xinxing I understand the principles of the Fa. Before when I studied the Fa about of the structure of the universe, I did not associate this with my cultivation. Now I study Teacher's lecture, "Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference." Teacher discusses the structure of the universe again in the lecture when Teacher mentions searching inward. I realized from Teacher's lecture that practitioners come from different systems of the universe to assist Teacher with the Fa-rectification and every practitioner is representing a system of the universe. Looking inward means cultivating inward, rectifying the unrighteous in our universe's system, and rectifying our body. Then we can do the three things smoothly.
Teacher enlightened me to combine my cultivation with the Fa. Everything is merged in Teacher's great mercy.
Heshi.