(Clearwisdom.net)
I am in the import and export business. I recently had business transactions with a customer in his sixties from New Zealand. Perhaps due to his age, the business seemed to be too much for him to handle. He often made mistakes on the order forms and import/export documents and on simple calculations. Those mistakes brought me much trouble, and it often needed several revisions to complete one contract.
After a while, I lost my patience, although I managed to maintain basic courtesies in our communications. Yet, my language was overbearing, and he told me in an e-mail that "we seem to be at cross purposes." I still did not pay attention to this warning sign and did not think of myself as a cultivator. I only considered my job and had a complete lack of tolerance and decency as a cultivator. I even referred him as a "dotard" and often used other unkind words such as "he is so old, why hasn't he retired?" during phone conversations. As I write this article, I realize how unkind I was and recall that my husband told me many times that I was sharp-tongued. I still did not take this seriously either and even boasted that I was kind and tolerant all the time.
However, yesterday and today, I received two staggering blows that woke me up: First I missed putting the official seals on import/export documents and then I made some mistakes filling in the import bill of entry. Fortunately, the mistakes were discovered in time and the consequences were not serious.
I kept thinking of my recent behavior and felt deep regret. I realized that Teacher knows that I was not behaving like a cultivator and that he used this method to make me recognize it, because I had never made this type of mistake before. On the contrary, whenever my mind was pure in the past, I was able to find my mistakes in time and avoid serious mishaps with these trade documents. My unkind remarks about my customer all returned to me.
I had not previously understood that my cultivation was so poor. I am not really tolerant or kind. I do not always consider others first, I have strong a mentality for showing-off, I do not always cultivate my speech, I do not always cooperate with fellow practitioners and I seek an easy and comfortable life. All of these originate from my selfish nature.
Although I was aware of some bad things in my cultivation in the past and tried to amend them, I have not really eliminated these bad thoughts. They continue to exist in my space and they have grown and are controlling my behavior. Although I studied the Fa every day, I did not really absorb it. I did not measure each one of my thoughts with the standards of the Fa to cultivate away those human mindsets.
I'd like to express my gratitude for Teacher's teachings! I will study the Fa more and consider myself as a cultivator, and walk well on the cultivation path.
