(Clearwisdom.net) I am a young practitioner. I have not previously experienced disease karma, so I don't have many thoughts about it.
Recently the skin on my fingers has become fragile, dry, and cracked, and they bleed, swell, and itch. In a word, uncomfortable. I have thus begun to look inside to understand the attachments which led to this illness karma. I first identified my competitive mentality and pursuit of comfort, but my fingers showed no signs of recovery. I continued looking inside and found that I didn't make the best use of my time to save sentient beings. I started doing better in this, but my fingers still didn't show any improvement. I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate karma, but it didn't seem to help. I was quite confused and wondered, "What on earth is my problem?"
I mentioned this to another practitioner. He said, "Don't be moved." I was somewhat enlightened after hearing these words. It seemed that I took it too seriously, worrying about my fingers consciously and unconsciously every day. I hoped to recover as soon as possible. This was also an attachment!
Teacher said,
"For a long time now some students just haven't gotten rid of their fundamental attachments! And as things have piled up, at the end they aren't able to overcome them and their tribulations get big. When problems occur, instead of searching for problems in their xinxing, fundamentally improving themselves, or truly letting go of the matter and coming through in an open and dignified manner by another route, they focus on the thing at hand--'Goodness... why is it that I still can't overcome this thing? I've done better today, so it should have improved a little. Tomorrow I'll do even better and it should improve some more.' He can never let go of that thing. On the surface it appears that he's letting it go--'Look, I'm doing well now.' You're doing well now but you are doing well now for its sake. You aren't doing that for the purpose of doing what a true Dafa disciple should do! "
("Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference")
Teacher also said,
"Of course, as you go about cultivating, you--who are cultivators--are sure to meet with tests, for you need to elevate. When someone doesn't handle things well, troubles will constantly arise. But those who do handle things well will constantly meet with tests as they cultivate. If you categorically regard all of them as interference and try to resolve the troubles just for the sake of resolving them, then you won't be able to resolve them, because they come about for the sake of your improvement. " ("Teaching the Fa in Canada, 2006")
It seemed that I was cultivating and looking inside during that period of time, but I was actually trying to resolve the troubles just for the sake of resolving them. This is pursuit! It is not a cultivator's state. I also found that such a state manifested not only in treating illness karma but also in other tests.
I often contemplate the purpose of passing tests, hoping that the tests will disappear immediately. This has become an attachment, but I have not been aware of it. Actually, behind this hides another attachment, which is the reluctance to see what I don't want to see and the unwillingness to suffer any pain, hoping that everything goes smoothly. I've read some articles by practitioners on the Minghui website (Chinese version of Clearwisdom.net), in which practitioners stated that things evolved positively as soon as they identified their attachments. My personal understanding is that, on some occasions, things do turn out better as soon as our righteous thoughts emerge, but it's not absolute, because the depth of each practitioner's attachments is different, as is how they go about removing their attachments.
In my opinion, we shouldn't take these tests seriously. It's very important and necessary to look inside, but we shouldn't regard it as the omnipotent key and expect the disease karma to disappear immediately. If things don't improve, doubt and negative thoughts may surface, especially when dealing with serious disease tribulations. Some practitioners look inside, but still don't overcome the "disease," and sending forth righteous thoughts also doesn't help. They develop ideas about taking medicines and going to the hospital, and some have even doubted Dafa. Some practitioners have been dragged away by disease karma, and I think this is part of the reason. I believe that whenever we are in trouble, we should make great efforts to do the three things well while looking inside, and we will overcome them sooner or later. We shouldn't focus on the trouble itself nor develop attachments. It's not a big deal even if we suffer the pain. We should just do whatever we should do.
This morning, Teacher's words in Zhuan Falun came to mind:
"As a practitioner, if you assimilate yourself to this characteristic you are one that has attained the Tao--it's just such a simple principle."
Actually, as cultivators, our goal is to assimilate to the characteristic of the universe. During the process, all things we encounter are just superficial phenomena. They are nothing. The key is that our attachments are exposed and removed in the process and we finally assimilate to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
