(Clearwisdom.net) I am 76 years old, and became a Dafa practitioner in March 1995.
My husband was diagnosed with cancer in November 2007, and passed away within two months. His death hit me awfully hard, and I couldn't get over it for a long time. I still shed tears whenever I think about it. I really regret not having been able to help him understand the truth about Falun Gong and withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) before he passed away. Even though I was doing this every day for other people, I still couldn't help my husband. When I thought about this, I realized that I had let the old forces take advantage of my attachments, and allowed this tragedy to occur.
On the morning of November 1, 2008, when I returned home from clarifying the facts about Falun Gong to local residents, I was leaning over to get something for lunch, when suddenly I couldn't lift my head up. I had a pain in my chest, and my upper body felt very tight. I immediately shouted out loud, "Teacher, save me, save me!" Then I fell unconscious on the floor. The moment I came to, I started vomiting. I had difficulty breathing and coughed heavily. I felt really awful. This terrible feeling lasted for twelve days, but during that time, I did not let up in studying the Fa.
By the thirteenth day, I felt somewhat more relaxed, and renewed my efforts to clarify the truth to people and help them withdraw from the CCP and its affiliated organizations. My condition, however, was still very serious. I didn't have an appetite and wasn't able to sleep well. I would start coughing the moment I lay down in bed, so I could only sit up straight to take short naps. I kept thinking that I must live in order to save more people, so I begged Teacher for strength. I needed to do better to save sentient beings, and must remain steadfast for their sake.
I suffered like this for five months. Then, things got even worse. My whole body became swollen, my legs felt like lead, and I had no energy. I was breathing heavily with every movement I made. But, I still insisted on clarifying the truth every day.
Right after sending righteous thoughts at midnight, one time, my chest suddenly felt very uncomfortable. I held Zhuan Falun in my hands and looked at Teacher's picture, crying. I said, "Teacher, I do not want to die, I want to follow you back home, please save me. I can't take it any more!" Eventually, I had to go to the hospital because the pain was unbearable. After an examination they found a lot wrong with me: my blood pressure was extremely high, my kidneys weren't working properly, I had a lot of fluid on my chest, and I was anemic. They recommended that I stay in bed for three months.
As a practitioner, I knew these symptoms were not from a real sickness, but that the old forces had taken advantage of my attachments in order to persecute me. At this critical time of Fa-rectification, it is urgent to save people, as Teacher has mentioned in the Fa lectures. How could I stay in the hospital? What did I come to this world for? What have I been waiting for, for thousands of years? When the tribulation came, instead of looking within, I regarded myself as a non-practitioner. My incorrect thoughts would not only ruin me, but also jeopardize the sentient beings in my realm. How could I repay the karmic debts that I had accumulated throughout generations of reincarnation? I wanted to firmly continue cultivating in the Fa, and knew that it was up to Teacher to determine my future!
Although I was in serious condition, I resumed trying to help people understand the truth about Falun Gong and to help them quit the CCP.
With my thoughts now on the correct path of cultivation, gradually, all my illnesses disappeared. A fellow practitioner, also a medical doctor, said, "To see you fully recover from your serious illnesses is really unbelievable!"
Cultivation is serious and painstaking. Every careful step in cultivation is of the utmost importance. Teacher has mentioned so many times about our magical weapon - to look within ourselves. Why did such serious sickness karma elimination happen to me and last for so long? I didn't do well in passing every xinxing test, and that, along with the attachment to emotion regarding my husband, left gaps for the old forces to take advantage of, as they wanted to push me to my death. Cultivation practice is really cultivating the mind. This is my understanding after going through this gigantic tribulation.
May 24, 2010
