(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings respected Master! Greetings fellow practitioners!
My physical health was poor before I became a Dafa practitioner. I was urged by my parents to practice Falun Dafa and after doing so my health gradually improved. Being young, I had few human notions. I thus could obtain the Fa at age five, in 1997. I continuously studied Master's lectures, and gradually came to understand the true meaning of obtaining the Fa. I further understood the principles of Dafa, the greatness of Master and Dafa, and my good fortune to be able to obtain Dafa. Looking back on my past 12 years of cultivation, I have many thoughts which I would like to summarize and report to Master and fellow practitioners.
When I first started cultivating, all of my family was very diligent and participated in group Fa study every day. As I was very young, I played with my hassock while listening to fellow practitioners read the Fa. To ensure that I was listening and could keep up, my mother often questioned me about the paragraph we were reading. (I later learned from Master's lectures that children have different states than adults). At that time, I not only memorized "On Buddha Law" and Hong Yin, but had also read Zhuan Falun in its entirety. Being able to know so many words at such a young age was something that verified the extraordinary power of Dafa. It also laid a solid foundation for my cultivation later. However, I was very lazy. I often went to the restroom to excuse myself from practicing "holding the wheel above the head" in the second exercise.
Master said,
"A person with more virtue has better comprehension, and he can take hardship--'working the body, tempering the will'--and even if he endures more with his body and less with his mind, he'll still be able to increase gong." (Zhuan Falun)
After learning what Master said above, I thought that I would rather challenge myself to mental tests than endure physical suffering. (In fact, this was my own attachment - the pursuit of comfort.)
The persecution of Dafa by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started two years after I began cultivating. I had just started my first year of elementary school at the time. Since I didn't have too many human notions, I was not misled by the scenes on TV showing the slander against Dafa and Master by the evil. I continued practicing cultivation with my parents. Sometimes I went out with them to distribute truth clarifying materials. I didn't study the Fa diligently my third grade year. Despite my parents' advice, I wasted time for almost six months. The old forces eventually exploited this loophole. One day after the school lunch break, I was hit by a taxi as I walked across the road to catch up with my classmate. The taxi driver got out of his car and asked me if I was alright. I told him in front of a large crowd of bystanders that I was fine, even though I had a big bump on my forehead. My father and aunt rushed to the scene after a phone call from my classmate. The taxi driver came back and offered my father some money. He also offered to take me to the hospital. My father told him "We Falun Gong practitioners are good people. My child is alright. You can go now." The driver left with deep gratitude. My parents and I looked inward after we came home, and I realized that the evil had taken advantage of my slacking in Fa study to attack me. I was fortunately protected by Master to escape this huge disaster. (Thanks to Master!) The big bump on my forehead disappeared that afternoon after I returned to school. My teachers and my classmates were flabbergasted and couldn't tell that I had been hit by a car.
Reciting the Fa is a process of elevating xinxing. Encouraged by my parents, I started memorizing the Fa in the summer of 2005. I did it together with my father at first. I almost cried at every single reciting because I didn't want my father to remind me that I didn't do well. Actually, it was an attachment elimination process. At that moment, I felt a twinge, as if my heart was being cut and my bones pierced through. I let the tears flow down my face. I tore up a few pillow covers when my demon nature became evident. My xinxing was very bad at that time. My father even tried to entice me with material goods. I finally finished the entire Zhuan Falun book in nine months.
My xinxing improved quickly following much reciting practice. It started with my crying and throwing a temper tantrum in the beginning, to forbearing superficially but with grievances, and finally to remaining unaffected with no attachments at all. I gradually became mature in understanding and resolving problems. I was constantly interfered with by the notion of romantic love stories at my middle school age. I tried to hide this attachment from my parents in the beginning, but after a while, the evil took advantage of my loopholes to persecute my physical body. I had measles with a high fever on one occasion. I started looking inward. I also discussed with my parents my notions of love, and I studied the Fa more. After a couple of trials, I finally broke through the old force's arrangement and turned bad things into good. I also got into a first-tier high school.
Learning became much harder in high school. The school started at 7:00 a.m. and ended at 10:00 p.m. daily, with only two days off each month. I still studied the Fa for an hour every night after school. I alternated between reciting Zhuan Falun and learning Master's lectures. My parents also repeatedly reminded me to recite the Fa and send forth righteous thoughts more often at school to eliminate the old forces' arrangements.
It appeared that I could keep my mind clear only if I studied the Fa well. Any school hardship was eventually resolved naturally. My test results were not always good and my mind became depressed if I neglected Dafa and focused too much on the test scores. It was time that I actually exposed my strong self-verified notions for personal gain. The old forces also used this shortcoming to interfere with my validation of the Fa. They caused my test scores to drop, reduced my confidence, and then made me depressed. Looking back on my cultivation path, I basically had nothing to brag about at all because all my abilities were bestowed by the Fa. My good grades in school were also given by Master for validating the Fa. I can validate the Fa better only if I persistently look inward for my shortcomings and improve myself. When I was arrogant about my good grades or when I was depressed due to my low scores, I asked myself, "Is your study just for yourself? Aren't good scores for validating the Fa and saving sentient beings? Do you practice Dafa for gaining fame and comfort? Can you bear the elimination of those countless sentient beings who have put their boundless hope in us?" Repeatedly asking these questions of ourselves will lead us to discover the roots of our attachments.
I have done poorly in clarifying the truth and saving sentient beings. My biggest obstacle was my attachment to vanity. I was afraid of talking to people. I was worried about being disliked. I didn't let people know that I practiced Dafa even though it is the most sacred thing. I behaved shamefully, with disrespect toward our compassionate Master. I could save sentient beings much better when I studied the Fa well. I first introduced Dafa, and of course, the person was often surprised. I then told them the truth about the persecution of Falun Dafa, including facts about the self-immolation, the reason for the persecution by the evil, and how commonly Dafa is practiced around the entire world. I would further explain the reason and meaning for quitting the CCP, and expose the genocide conducted by and the brutality of the vicious party. And I finally would ask if they would agree to quit the CCP with an alias. Since the people I talked to were my close classmates, they usually quit right on the spot. However, one classmate did not quit. She wanted to think it over. After being asked several times, she responded to me that she was not ready yet. She was later convinced by my mother when she visited my house once, but she called to ask me not to process her withdrawal after she got home. My mother patiently clarified the truth to them several times and, finally she and her mother agreed. They were saved. I realized from this event that clarifying the truth to sentient beings must go along with their minds. It must be done with great compassion, and one must not easily give up on anyone.
I learned from Master's most recent lectures and discovered many unnoticeable attachments. I found that I had strong vanity and jealousy. I couldn't take criticism. For instance, I showed my pride when a pretty girl looked at me at school. I instantly had fickle thoughts like, "I am prettier than she. I have learned better than she has, and I am more steady, generous and honest." My notions at those moments weren't different from, or even inferior to, those of everyday people. I questioned myself afterward, thinking "how can a future enlightened person like me be so envious of sentient beings and vainly compete with them? Is this something a final-stage Fa-rectification Dafa disciple should have? I walk a divine path. I am a Dafa disciple during the Fa-rectification period. I have great responsibilities and missions to save sentient beings in my region. My thoughts should be righteous."
Master said,
"A person who doesn't get rid of jealousy while cultivating cannot achieve a True Fruition--he definitely won't achieve a True Fruition."
"And since he didn't get rid of jealousy he'd probably start trouble with Buddhas. Could that kind of thing be allowed there? "(Zhuan Falun)
This actually had to do with my protecting the notions of fame and lust. The appearance that Master gave me was for validating the Fa. Unfortunately, the evil used this notion of appearance to expand my attachments and further destroy me. I had a notion for vanity since my childhood. I cared so much about the comments of others that I could easily be moved by even an unintentional glance. This was not about Fa validation but about myself. It would not be good if I only realized my fundamental attachments at the last moment of Fa-rectification. This explained the reason that merciful Master didn't finalize the Fa-rectification. He has been waiting for bad disciples like me. I should no longer immerse myself in the big vat of fame and lust. I shouldn't take Master's compassion as a joke and destroy the countless sentient beings who have placed their hopes in me. I should take this unusual opportunity in Fa-rectification to straighten my behavior from the heart, do the three things well, and righteously walk the validation path arranged by Master.
I thank respectful Master for letting me reincarnate into a family where I was often guided by parents to study the Fa, cultivate my character, and do the three things well. It is because of them that I can steadfastly walk my cultivation path. I am very fortunate to still have the chance to improve myself again although I have not done enough in many areas. I sometimes wonder, considering what I have done, if I am worthy of being mercifully saved by Master. I am extremely fortunate to be a Dafa practitioner during the Fa-rectification period. I am unable to pay back respected Master for what He has given me. I can't express my gratitude in words to respected Master. I only can continuously cultivate myself well, walk my cultivation path diligently and cause no damage to Dafa. I will never let respected Master down.
The above mentioned topics are some things I have realized on my cultivation path. Please comment on anything that is not proper. Thanks to respected Master! Thanks to follow practitioners. Heshi.
