(Clearwisdom.net) I was very impressed by Master's poem "Stirred by Reflection," and truly shaken by it as well. I asked myself, "Have I really done well according to Master's teachings?"
1. Eliminating Competitiveness
Although I persisted in doing the three things daily, my human attachments still interfered with me. I went to Chinatown every day to tell people the facts about Falun Dafa and help Chinese people to quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliated organizations. As I met all kinds of people, my human attachments were exposed. One day, I was clarifying the truth to four young men and talking about the large gap between rich and poor in China. I told them that Deng Xiaoping wanted a few people to be rich first, however, those who got wealthy were all children of high-ranking officials. Before I was able to finish my sentence, one of them interrupted me with rude words, and I retorted angrily. As soon as I spoke those words, my face was burning red and I left. Master asks us to "not hit back when attacked, not talk back when insulted" (Zhuan Falun). Fighting with an everyday person is definitely an attachment to competitiveness. Additionally, it adversely affects our efforts to save people. Shouldn't we eliminate it? I have cultivated myself for more then ten years, so how could I say such dirty things? Competitiveness not only hurts others, but also myself. Thus I must eliminate it.
2. Eliminating the Attachment to Prestige, Personal Gain, Showing Off, and Being Overzealous
I always thought that I was not attached to fame and profit. However, when I was clarifying the truth, I noticed that this attachment had been hidden deep down in my heart. For example, one fellow practitioner was very good at helping people to quit the CCP. She even helped dozens of people quit in one afternoon. I envied her very much and wanted to catch up with her. Once that kind of thought emerged, a notion formed which caused me to focus on the number of people who quit the CCP every day. I was happy when more people quit and depressed when fewer quit. I didn't put the priority on saving people, but rather on my own accomplishments.
The purpose of helping people to quit the CCP is to clarify the facts about Dafa and offer them salvation. Although I only helped one or two people to quit every day, they knew the truth about Dafa very well, so I knew that they were truly saved. However, I wondered how I could clarify the truth well and save more sentient beings with all my attachments. Master states in "Stirred by Reflection," "With kind thoughts they save people, Evil specters they vanquish." I realized that only with great compassion could we help people to enlighten while in delusion and thus save them.
3. We Must be Free of Jealousy
I thought that I had eliminated my attachment to jealousy. Nonetheless, when I dug deep into my heart, not only did I realize that it still existed, but it was also sometimes very strong. For example, when I saw another fellow practitioner doing very well in helping people quit the CCP, I didn't feel happy for her, nor did I "compare in studying, compare in cultivating." ("Solid Cultivation" from Hong Yin) Instead, I felt unbalanced and tried to find her shortcomings. "Oh, she has the mentality of showing off." When I acknowledged her weak points, I felt better and thought in my heart, "She is just so-so." Wasn't this jealousy? I realized that I still had such a bad attachment. With jealousy, I would have gaps when dealing with fellow practitioners, which then weakens the power of being one body. Moreover, this would interfere with saving sentient beings.
I have exposed my serious attachments here and thus hope to eliminate them. I will definitely rid myself of them.
Please kindly point out anything inappropriate in my understanding.
