(Clearwisdom.net)
Tribulations
I am a teacher. Since I was four years old, I had suffered from serious psoriasis, causing gaping wounds on my skin near the joints and severe pain. Because I took medicine in large doses, which my body did not handle well, I almost died when I was six years old. I also went into shock twice in my 20s. Even though I took a lot of medicine, none of it was effective; worse still, it caused me to suffer more illness. After I married, my husband tried everything possible to treat my psoriasis, having me visit many doctors throughout China. As a result, we spent all our earnings. However, my psoriasis was still not cured.
As my health condition became worse and worse, my mood and temper, likewise, became worse and worse. More and more conflicts arose between my husband and me. Additionally, pressure arose from my work. I did not have the courage to live anymore. One night in the winter of 2002, I took over 100 sleeping pills, trying to kill myself.
My husband saw what I did and sent me to the hospital. I was treated for a whole week and ultimately survived. But it left me with a handicap. I couldn’t use the right side of my mouth anymore. (This handicap disappeared after I started practicing Falun Gong.)
Obtaining the Fa and My Body Becoming Very Light and Free of Illness
My mom asked me to practice Falun Gong with her in 1997, saying that many people had recovered from their illnesses after practicing Falun Gong. I didn’t believe it at the time. Because I was working very hard to earn money to treat my illnesses, I said to my mom, “How can I have the time to practice? Let’s discuss it after I retire.” My mom then gave me a book, saying, “So, just take a look at this book.” I took the book, seeing that it was entitled Zhuan Falun, and brought it home, but I didn’t take the matter seriously.
On October 11, 2004, my mom came to celebrate my birthday. After dinner, I began to take medicine as usual. My mom said, “See, you don’t recover, although you have taken so much medicine. Worse still, the medicine causes you to suffer more illnesses. Why not practice Falun Gong with me.” I didn’t know why, but I immediately agreed this time. Then my mom taught me to sit in meditation. I learned for about ten minutes, and then I sat in meditation by myself for over ten minutes. Although I just kept my legs folded loosely Indian-style, it was so painful that I trembled all over. But I still insisted on continuing for over ten minutes. In this way, I fortunately obtained the Fa.
After that night, I sat in meditation every evening. Although I could last for only ten minutes, Master still let me experience the miraculous effects of healing and fitness from Falun Dafa. At that time, there was a small tumor on my right leg, bringing me great pain. Every night, I couldn’t fall asleep until my husband gave me a massage for a while. However, after I started doing the sitting meditation, I forgot about the massage. Five days later, I suddenly remembered it and wondered why I didn’t feel pain in my right leg any more. I felt my right leg and found in surprise that the tumor had disappeared. My husband was also amazed.
Two months later, all my illnesses and pain had completely disappeared. The following summer, I wore a short sleeve shirt, which I hadn’t dared to wear for many years. In addition, my skin became delicate and reddish-white. My body was light, as though treading on air. I really experienced feeling very light and free of illness.
Studying the Fa and Clarifying the Truth
I studied the Fa by reading and reciting the Fa. So far, I have finished reciting Zhuan Falun once from memory, as well as Hong Yin and Hong Yin II. Regarding Master’s other teachings, I have read through all of them over ten times. Because I had a lot of free time in the first two years after I obtained the Fa, I studied a lot, laying a good foundation for my clarifying the truth in the future.
One year after I obtained the Fa, I set up a materials production site at home. During this process, I gained a lot of experience and gradually became a technician for projects to validate the Fa in my local area.
One morning in January 2010, I went to a rural area to distribute truth-clarifying materials. When I reached a gate, a man said resentfully, “What are you distributing?” I hurried to pass some materials to him, saying, “Good fortune for you. You are really fortunate this year. I am bringing good fortune to you personally.” The man became happy, asking for more copies. I then gave two Shen Yun DVDs to him, telling him, “Spread them among your relatives and friends. Then your good fortune will be multiplied.” He said he would and then happily left. That scene was pretty moving. How urgently the sentient beings were looking for the truth about Falun Gong!
Enlightening to the Wonderfulness of Looking Within
Master has asked us to look within in almost every one of His teachings. I also knew that I should look within when encountering problems. However, when conflicts came, I still looked outside. Sometimes, even though I looked within, I felt that I didn’t do well or enough. I didn’t know how to look within. This was the case until the end of last May, when I went to the home of practitioner A. It was then that I really learned how to look within, and for the first time, I enlightened to the wonderfulness of looking within.
I knew practitioner A for almost five years. She did very well in clarifying the truth to others face to face. Therefore, I admired her very much. However, she received a lot of complaints about me. I didn’t know why. Then I got a chance to visit her. We started to exchange cultivation experiences. She plainly told me that she had a bad impression of me. Later, she mentioned that practitioner B also had many complaints about me. Practitioner B lived in my home for a while. During that time, I had conflicts with my husband and was experiencing a xinxing test. After practitioner B left my home, I wrote a letter to her, sincerely asking her to point out any shortcomings she saw in my cultivation. She only said that I was not compassionate enough.
Although I obtained the Fa late, I did a lot of clarifying the truth to people. Many practitioners praised me for doing so; I also felt that I strove forward diligently. Practitioner A’s tone of voice stayed calm. However, her words were like claps of thunder, rumbling in my ears. I admonished myself, “Don’t explain, look within. Look within, look within unconditionally!” Although many things arose in my mind, I still kept smiling and ended our conversation with a smile.
After I returned home, I continued looking within, and I indeed found many attachments. It was not accidental for me to encounter this matter. It is because I liked staying together with practitioner B, and I had heavy sentimentality towards her in the past, that Master took this opportunity to help me remove the attachment. As soon as I realized this, I felt suddenly enlightened. The bad things in my body were eliminated, and I felt very light. On the following day, when I did the morning exercises, I was able to sit in meditation for a whole hour. Since then, I could sit in meditation for an hour every time. Before that, I could last for only 40 to 50 minutes; I also felt great pain. It is because I enlightened to how to look within that I had such a great change. How wonderful looking within is!
Examining My Loopholes After Being Persecuted
I was arrested by officers from the local 610 Office this summer. Although I successfully got out of the evil den on the same night, I couldn't return to my home and became homeless. I wondered what attachments caused me to suffer this persecution. I kept on studying the Fa, sending forth righteous thoughts, and looking within. As a result, I found the following attachments.
First, I had had a strong attachment to doing things since I first obtained the Fa. When I first began to distribute materials, I asked for a lot of truth-clarifying materials. After I set up a production site at my home, I spent a lot of time making materials. During that time, I could still seize the time to study the Fa. No matter how busy I was, I spared some time to study the Fa at my workplace. However, after I worked on a new project last year, I became much busier. Sometimes, I had to work until 3:00 a.m., so I didn’t have enough time to study the Fa, and I also stopped doing the exercises.
In addition, I still had the attachment of zealotry, the mentality of showing off, and the mentality of validating myself. Master gave me wisdom and the ability to work on several projects. I understood that everything was granted by Master. However, when I was praised by fellow practitioners, although I said that it was because of Master, I still felt very happy in my heart and developed the attachment of zealotry. When I managed to learn to use some new technology, I sometimes showed it off in front of other practitioners.
When I read practitioners’ experience sharing articles on the Minghui website about how they had righteous thoughts and acted righteously, I sometimes thought, “If I really faced this situation correctly, I would also perform righteously.” As a result, it led to my being persecuted. Now I realized that it was actually a mentality of pursuing persecution, as well as a mentality of showing off and validating myself.
Moreover, I didn’t pay attention to safety. I had many times asked my husband and my son not to open the door for strangers. However, neither of them listened to me. Then I scared them, saying, “There are so many things in our home. If you let the police in, it won't be good.” This acknowledged the persecution and was pursuing the persecution. As a result, what I said came to pass. My husband opened the door for two plainclothes officers. They arrested me and ransacked our home, forcing me to stay away from our home to avoid further persecution. Afterwards, I considered this matter many times. Why didn’t my husband and my son pay attention to safety? Why didn’t they listen to my warning, although I had told them so many times? Their behavior must be related to mine. Didn’t I pay attention to safety? I kept on looking within. It turned out that their behavior was really because of me. In my daily life, I always had the idea that I might be lucky, feeling that I was a new disciple and wouldn’t be registered by the police. Therefore, I didn’t put Dafa books and truth-clarifying materials in a safe place. Before I was arrested, three practitioners suggested that I put my things in order. But I didn’t do it with the excuse that I was too busy. Master has asked us to pay attention to safety issues many times. Why didn’t I follow Master’s direction?
Last but not least, I was attached to sentimentality. Since I began to practice cultivation, getting rid of sentimentality has been the hardest for me. Regardless of the love for my husband or love for my son, I haven’t gotten rid of sentimentality for anyone. Now I am homeless and I can’t see any family members or friends, so I must get rid of this attachment.
During the six years of practicing Falun Gong, I have felt the happiness of upgrading my xinxing and also the pain of experiencing tribulations. What’s more are my appreciation to and my firm belief in Master and Dafa. Thank you, revered Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners who gave me selfless help!
