Fundamentally Changing Myself

(Clearwisdom.net)

“Question: Only after having cultivated this long have I realized what my fundamental attachment is, which is the attachment to my self.

Teacher: Yes. To put it plainly, that's the fundamental factor of beings of the past. In the past, when it came to this, you all had it, and many people really couldn't realize it. With all of you improving as a whole, it isn't that pronounced anymore.

Question: When we were validating Dafa before, although things were done to validate Dafa, looking at them today they were done on a selfish, self-validating basis. Our question is: why did we become aware of this so late?

Teacher: Validating the Fa is also cultivation. The cultivation process is one of continually recognizing your own shortcomings and then disposing of them. It's only that the earlier a lot of fundamental attachments are recognized the better. Recognizing them is, in itself, improvement. Being able to eliminate them, or overcome them, weaken them, and in the end completely eliminate them--that process is one of continually improving yourself, and it's the fundamental transformation of a being.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2003 Atlanta Fa Conference”)

I have read these lines countless times but never linked it with my own cultivation. Recent events made me see my own fundamental attachments. I am writing about this in the hopes that it will also help fellow practitioners.

I am a veteran practitioner who has been cultivating since 1997. I have always put emphasis on studying the Fa and looking inward when encountering conflicts. Even though I have been able to resolve many issues over the course of my cultivation, my fundamental attachments have not been touched.

Over the past six months, I could feel my attachment to emotion getting weaker and weaker. But I found that after my emotions are removed, I am not filled with compassion; instead my words and actions give an impression of coldness. When we shared cultivation experiences, fellow practitioners pointed out that the starting point of my words, actions and thoughts all focus on my own efficiency. If something is not relevant to improving my own cultivation then I won't consider it at all, let alone being concerned with or caring about others.

I know that this is due to my lack of compassion. But I don't know where the problem originated from. Why weren't my human emotions replaced by compassion? When I sat down and examined myself a few days later, I finally found the reason: it is my fundamental attachment to “self,” hidden deep in my mind. Through the many years of cultivation, I always felt that I had compassion for sentient beings, and this was reflected in my efforts in clarifying the truth and other Dafa work. While on the outside, it seemed as if everything I did was done for others, in the deepest recesses of my mind I only had thoughts of my own consummation. These selfish thoughts had gone unnoticed. The starting point and goal of every thought of mine has been for myself, only this selfishness was covered by my seemingly diligent behavior. Thus, I unknowingly deceived myself.

Master asked us “... to attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism.” (“Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature” in Essentials for Further Advancement) This is the cultivation goal of Dafa practitioners. It is also the fundamental factor that differentiates the new cosmos from the old one. Practitioners are all proactively assimilating to the new cosmos, then what am I cultivating for? By looking inward, I realized that I am the type of person that Master talked about, who goes about unaware of their own fundamental attachments. Thus, even though I have practiced for many years, I did not change myself fundamentally.

Only when I truly tried to rectify myself did I find that the selfish notions formed deep in my mind were unconsciously being reflected in my words and actions. Only when I became truly determined to always be considerate of others did I find how difficult it is to change myself. Once I began trying to be mindful of my every thought and action, whenever something happened I could feel my lack of compassion. Coupled with the cultivation state that I entered three years ago, where I have no thoughts in my mind and so it became easy to forget things, my lack of consideration for others became even more obvious. But no matter what, I know that the problems originated from my heart. I realized that I needed to change fundamentally – from my heart.

After coming to this realization, now, whenever I start doing anything I first think about what I am doing it for. If it is for others then I will do it. Otherwise, I won't do it. Whether I'm doing something large or small I consciously try to think this way. I know I must change my state of selfishness. Through the repeated process of questioning the motive behind my every thought and action, I've discovered a whole new perspective. The many things I did before that, I thought I did to save people, can be said to be completely for my own comfort and to satisfy my own attachments and wishes. In other words, because I had not fully assimilated to the Fa, but acted out of selfishness, I made my cultivation path more difficult and longer. At the same time, on many issues, if I can correct my starting point and consider others, I will find solutions that I would never have realized before. My anxious human mind is becoming weaker and weaker, and in exchange I have gained peace.

In fact, all of our attachments and human notions originate from selfishness. Because of attachments to self, we are reluctant to change the status quo, we are not willing to endure hardship, and we don't like to be criticized. It is exactly because of this unwillingness that a variety of notions and attachments manifested and grew in my mind, which prevented me from seeing the truth of the universe, and instead enlarged and increased my attachment to comfort. Once I understood this, I know that I have to truly change myself. I must get rid of my fundamental attachments and become a true Dafa practitioner by fundamentally changing myself.

The above is what I have enlightened to recently. Please point out anything inappropriate.