(Clearwisdom.net)
Changing My Human Notions
I first went to a practice site and started to practice Falun Gong on the morning of July 2, 1997. At that time, my fiancé had already been practicing Falun Gong for more than a year. But for me, I was influenced by atheism and empirical science, so I didn't believe in qigong. As a result, I often fought with him about such topics.
In order to stop fighting with him, I decided to look into Falun Gong to see what kind of practice it was. I went to the practice site at my school, did the exercises, studied the Fa, and communicated with the practitioners every day. I found that what the practitioners spoke about every day was how to improve their xinxing and how to discipline themselves according to the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. Falun Gong indeed teaches people to be good. With the wish to become a good person, I continued to go to the practice site.
At that time, I most liked to study the lectures that addressed how to improve my xinxing. I thought that as long as I improved my xinxing and did not have conflicts with others, I was cultivating myself.
In July 1999, the persecution started. From the prior two years of Fa study, I deeply knew that Master and Dafa were most righteous, so I wanted to let the government know that Dafa had been misrepresented. However, I did all these things with the group, and my own human notions and attachments weren't challenged at all.
In a very short time, the persecution escalated. Facing the test of life and death, I began to step back. Although I went to Tiananmen Square with other practitioners, I didn't dare to step up and shout, “Stop persecuting Falun Gong!” Later on, when my husband went to Tiananmen Square to hold up truth-clarification banners, I didn't go with him. At home, I heard my husband speaking with other practitioners, and I suddenly wondered, “Why are they so close to Master and why do they go to Beijing even if their lives are in danger, and why am I so far from Master? How can I become closer to Master?” All of a sudden, a practitioner pointed at me and said to me with surprise, “Wow, I saw a golden light emitting from your head and reach all the way to the top of the sky.” I was stunned. Was it true that one thought could be so miraculous? My belief in atheism was truly challenged. What was Falun Gong? Didn't it only teach people to become good? Was it really so miraculous? I began to think about these questions related to cultivating my heart.
I compared myself to the Fa, and I discovered my fundamental problem: I was not truly cultivating. I had started my cultivation on the basis of protecting my personal interest. I still had the notion of being a good person, and I couldn't let go of myself. I began to ask myself, “What is cultivation practice? And why do I want to practice cultivation?” After that, when I read Zhuan Falun again, I found that this book didn't only teach people to be good, but it guided people to cultivate toward high levels. Only then did I begin to truly understand the meaning of “cultivation practice.”
When I first obtained the Fa, I didn't have a pure purpose for cultivating. I was practicing because I wanted to stop fighting with my fiancé. I had such a strong attachment to sentimentality between me and my husband. Beginning in October 2007, after we had been married for 10 years, discord began to emerge between us.
I started to complain. I felt aggrieved that, as a cultivator, he was so unkind to me and wasn't tolerant of me. I almost lost my faith and motivation to cultivate. Although I kept studying the Fa, I had severe interference due to my attachment of sentimentality. Finally, the painful feelings helped me realize my fundamental attachment to ordinary people's emotions.
Master said:
“Also, let's talk a little about human beings. Nowadays people consider emotion really important, yet emotion is one of the most unreliable things. 'When you're nice to me I'm happy, and when you're no longer nice to me the feeling is gone.' Then how could you count on that thing? Could emotional ties sustain a marriage? With human beings there's not just moral obligation involved, but also, between man and wife, you are indebted to each other.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Meeting with Asia-Pacific Students”)
Later on, a practitioner told me a reincarnation story about a young Dafa disciple's family members in different lifetimes and the predestined relationship between husband and wife. I was shocked by those stories. As my belief in atheism was further shattered, I had a new understanding about the predestined relationship between me and my husband. Actually, my husband didn't treat me very badly. It was just that sometimes when he saw my attachments, he wanted to help me rectify my actions; where could I find anything better than this?
Just like my belief in atheism, my attachment to personal gain and the attachment to sentimentality for my husband were removed, and I gained more and more clear understandings about cultivation practice.
Becoming a Fa-rectification Period Dafa Disciple
What is a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple? I had never truly thought about this question before. After the Communist regime started the persecution, I went out to clarify the truth to people and cooperated with fellow practitioners to distribute materials. But I always felt that when I was doing these things, I didn't have enough compassion for sentient beings. I saw truth-clarification and saving sentient beings as tasks to accomplish, and I did them for my own cultivation, not for the purpose of being good to others.
Master said in "Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference:"
“You should always remember this: I don't acknowledge any of the interference that's occurring among Dafa disciples today; all of the things that shouldn't happen are the old forces' arrangements. They see your personal cultivation as the first priority. Of course, personal Consummation is the first priority, since there's nothing more to talk about if you can't reach Consummation. But today's Dafa disciples are doing something different from the cultivation ways in every other period in history, and that's because you are shouldering a greater responsibility that surpasses your personal Consummation. Saving sentient beings and validating the Fa, these far surpass your personal cultivation, they're even greater things. And that's something that the old forces can't handle correctly, and they're interfering with you. Negate them, and face all of it with the right thoughts!”
I finally understood that I mistakenly held the view that cultivation was all about personal cultivation. I had thought that studying the Fa, sending forth righteous thoughts, and clarifying the truth would guarantee that I would reach consummation. The starting point for my cultivation was selfish. That's why I had a passive attitude towards saving people and was easily interfered with by all kinds of human notions. Only after I changed my starting point was I no longer interfered with by my human notions and attachments.
I remembered that at the beginning of Fa-rectification, several practitioners and I went to a university to distribute some truth-clarification brochures. We went to the classrooms in the morning before classes started. One time when I was distributing some materials in a classroom, a student suddenly came in. I thought that since he had seen me, I'd better talk to him in person and that it was good for him. I said to him very calmly and openly, “Please read these materials about the truth of Falun Gong.”
Another time when I was placing truth-clarification discs into mailboxes, an elderly lady was unhappy about it: “What are you distributing? Is it more advertisements?” I said to her very calmly, “It's not an advertisement, it's about the truth. Where is your mailbox? How about I also give you a copy?”
On another occasion, a practitioner who was working with me was arrested. My thinking at the time was that the things for Fa-rectification couldn't be delayed, and I continued doing what I should do. Several years later, a police officer told me that the practitioner had given my name to the police long ago. However, because I was thinking about Fa-rectification, the old forces didn't have any excuse to persecute me.
All along the way, I have been protected by revered Master. In particular, when I was rescuing my husband several years ago, I gained a deeper understanding of this point.
When my husband was initially arrested, I talked to the police officers directly involved. At first, I was afraid and didn't fully negate the old forces' arrangements. Although I went to the police station, I only spoke to them about the specific case of my husband and didn't dare to talk about the beauty of Dafa and how evil the Communist regime was. Very quickly, some practitioners found me and helped me improve based on the Fa. So I started to clarify the truth at each level of the police department, the Procuratorate, the court, and the 610 Office. In the end, I could talk to those people in person very calmly about the beauty of Dafa and all the crimes the Communist regime has committed. For those people I couldn't meet in person, I made phone calls or wrote letters to them.
During this process, I gradually put down my attachment of being selfish. I did those things not only to rescue my husband, but also to save those people who were related to his case. I no longer thought about whether my husband would be sentenced or not; I only focused on the things that I should accomplish. And then the situation changed: the court returned the case to the police station for lack of evidence.
Looking back on those days, I was doing things for Fa-rectification, and the old forces didn't dare to interfere with me. I remember one time when I met a police officer in the elevator, he asked me, “Why do you come here?” I told him about my husband's case. He said that Falun Gong practitioners should be strictly sentenced. I looked into his eyes and thought that I couldn't let him leave with such negative feelings about Dafa, so I asked him very seriously, “Don't you have a conscience? Falun Gong teaches people Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, and Falun Gong practitioners are all very noble people. Where is your conscience?” Then he said, “I don't know about your husband; his case doesn't have anything to do with me.” After that, he left the elevator very quickly. At that time, many people in the elevator were quietly listening to our conversation, I had the feeling that what I said had shocked them. If we keep Fa-rectification in mind and do things without thinking about our personal interests, then many things will turn out well.
There was another time where a practitioner was arrested and detained for almost a year awaiting his hearing. During that time, I went with his mother to the court and asked them to release him. We only met with one of the judges once and had a short conversation with him. After that, when we went to talk to that judge again, he wouldn't see us, so we talked to the door attendant, and he agreed to quit the Chinese Communist Party and its affiliated organizations. Then we also made phone calls and wrote letters to the presiding judge, and persuaded him not to make any mistakes by persecuting Dafa. Meanwhile, that practitioner also started a hunger strike in the detention center. I thought that regardless of how it seemed on the surface, we should take every opportunity to clarify the truth and save sentient beings. In the end, on the day of the hearing, the practitioner wasn't summoned to appear in court. Very soon after that, he was released. Actually we didn't do anything earth-shattering, we only corrected our starting points and fulfilled our responsibilities as Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples. It's like what Master said:
"When disciples have ample righteous thoughts
Master has the power to turn back the tide”
(“The Master-Disciple Bond” in Hong Yin Vol. II)
After I came to understand the correct starting point for Fa-rectification cultivation, when I look at my attachments or the tribulations in my personal cultivation, they are really nothing.
It is indeed like what Master said in “Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Switzerland:”
“For a person to melt into such an immense Fa… I’ll give an example. It’s like if a wood chip or a piece of sawdust were to drop into a blast furnace of molten steel: instantly you’d lose sight of it. As you melted into such an immense Fa, your body’s karma, thought karma, and all kinds of things would be gone in an instant.”
Now I am following the great tide of Fa-rectification and stepping forward.
I am thankful for revered Master's protection and for my fellow practitioners. I welcome fellow practitioners to point out to me anything improper.
