(Clearwisdom.net)
Get Rid of the Notion of “Caring for Others”
I used to be proud that I was very kind, willing to help others, and self-disciplined. Ever since I started practicing Falun Gong in 1994, my xinxing has continually improved and many of my human attachments have been purified in the Fa.
Our area’s truth-clarification materials production center was destroyed by the police in August 2007. Our local coordinator asked me to rent an apartment and establish a new production center. Seeing the persecution that fellow practitioners had suffered and ordinary people's need for truth-clarification materials, I knew what I had to do. I went to check with another practitioner who had expressed willingness to work at a production center and also knew how to use a computer. After I explained the situation her, her answer was simply: “What are we waiting for? Let’s find an apartment!” Within a week, we had rented an apartment and set up a computer and a printer. The new materials production center was operational. The local coordinator also invited a practitioner with some technical ability to come study the Fa with us. We would be better off with more people and also be able to resolve technical issues promptly. Soon our production center was operating smoothly.
The practitioner working with me at the center was fifteen years younger than I. She had a regular job, so I thought that I should take a bigger share of the work. Since she handled most of the technical and typing tasks, I tried helping her with matters in her daily life. My attachment to “helping her” only seemed to create interference in her life. She felt that she was being restricted. For example, one day she came back early. I said happily, “Oh, you finished work early today.” But the next day, she didn’t show up at her regular time and didn’t answer her child’s phone call either. While I was worrying about her, she and another practitioner came. I then said unhappily, “What happened to make you so late today?” She immediately replied, “How come I can’t finish work neither early nor late?” After something like this occurred a few times, I started to realize that my “affection” had made her uncomfortable. She is an independent person. How could she not feel uncomfortable when I interfered with her life! Though a little sad, I gradually realized how my “caring for others” had actually hurt them.
To help me see my attachment to caring for others, Teacher had other practitioners endure it, “because whoever has acquired the karma feels uncomfortable” (Zhuan Falun). When writing this article, I found that I still had the attachment to caring for others and a desire to make decisions for others. It is time for me to completely get rid of it. I must let it go.
Get Rid of Human Notions
That same practitioner’s teenager was preparing for the college entrance exam. After talking it over with the coordinator, the practitioner moved out of the material center. At that time, my biggest test was dealing with my fear of loneliness. On one particular occasion, while I was quietly producing truth-clarification materials, I heard some noises outside and my heart started beating fast. As I started printing, someone suddenly pounded on the metal door--and they kept pounding. To avoid attracting attention to the others, I quickly cleaned the room and opened the door, pretending to have just woken up. A man and a woman stood outside. The man asked me if he could sublease a room. I said “no” and then closed the door. But then my heart started beating fast, as I thought: “Who are they? I didn’t post anything about a sublease, so why did they pound on the door to ask about it? There has to be some other reason.” I was very worried. Then I started sending forth righteous thoughts: “This worrying is not really me. Teacher, please strengthen my righteous thoughts!” Later I told the other practitioner that sending forth righteous thoughts really helped strengthen my resolve. Otherwise, I don't know if I would have dared to continue.
Since my mind was not always calm and stable, the printer kept having problems. Later we replaced it with a new printer. But after a few days, the new one also started having problems printing in color. I was very worried. One of the practitioners who had come over to fix the printer suggested that I look within and pointed out that I was too eager to get things done. I agreed, but I was still impatient, since I felt that I had a responsibility to produce the materials. The printer was fixed by nighttime, but immediately started having problems again the next morning. The practitioner who had helped me to fix the printer was frequently busy. I felt embarrassed to keep going to him for help, so I asked another practitioner for help. That practitioner repaired it twice and then showed me how to unload the cartridge to release the air. In the end, a third practitioner found that there was a tiny hole in the cartridge, causing the air to flow in and the printer to stop working. Patching up the hole fixed the problem.
I realized that I was being too passive with my cultivation. I was a technical person at work. So I should have learned how to repair the printer after I had started working at the materials production center. But I didn’t break through my human notions and attachments to fear, comfort, and reliance on others. Why was there a hole in the printer cartridge? I really feel that it indicated a hole in my thinking! I was looking for excuses. After repeatedly studying Teacher’s “Fa Teaching Given at the 2010 New York Fa Conference,” I was shocked when I applied it to myself. My cunning mindset had covered up my pure nature, but I never realized it. I used to think that I was very responsible and had a lot of self-discipline, so I didn’t need others to point out my weaknesses. In actuality I was protecting myself from criticism. Not letting others point out my weaknesses helped me “save face” and preserve my self-esteem.
After several years of tribulations at the materials production center, the coordinator taught me how to set up a computer system, so that I might share other practitioners’ workload. I was able to get rid of my attachments to self and my fear of criticism. Now we have established three more family-run material production centers, and each supplies materials to about five practitioners. This has greatly reduced the workload at the first center. All of these centers coordinate with and support each other well. They also serve as a boost to everyone's cultivation. They fully reflect Teacher’s intention of having material production centers everywhere, letting all of us do the three things well.
