(Clearwisdom.net) When I look back over my cultivation path, it is just like Teacher said,
“Whatever persecution may have been perpetrated, it has merely served to temper our Dafa disciples to maturity.” ("Fa Teaching Given at the 2010 New York Fa Conference")
After more than ten years of cultivation, and when practitioners are celebrating the 19th year after Dafa's introduction, I wish to also share how I overcame tribulations. I am grateful to Teacher for offering me salvation.
I began practicing Falun Dafa in early 1999 and just about six months into my practice, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) banned Falun Gong. I was not clearheaded for a while and signed a statement promising to renounce Falun Dafa. It took me four to five years before I returned to the practice.
In late 2003, I met a fellow practitioner who gave me all of Teacher's lectures since 1999. I read the lectures and began to understand what happened. I got in touch with fellow practitioners and we studied and shared our understanding of the Fa. I was very happy and felt that I was progressing quite rapidly. Later, I bought a computer and a printer and made truth-clarification materials and went out after work with practitioners to nearby villages to distribute the materials.
In the autumn of 2004, when we were distributing materials about Falun Gong in a village, a villager reported us to the local 610 Office. We were illegally arrested and held at a brainwashing center for forty days. Upon returning home, my environment changed. I lost my job and my family thought I had gone crazy. My husband, who was a simple and honest man, became very irritated because the 610 Office tried to extort money from him and threatened him.
My husband monitored me around the clock to stop me from practicing Falun Gong. I was afraid to get near him. To get me to give up my practice, he made me work very hard. At that time he had also lost his job. He decided to raise chickens, so we built a chicken coop on the top of a hill, which meant that we had to move bricks, mortar, cement, and other materials, to the top of the hill. By the first day I already had blisters on my shoulders and feet. The next day, it was very painful to carry anything on my shoulders, but I didn't complain. Instead, I recited,
“A Great Enlightened One fears no hardship
Having forged an adamantine will
Free of attachment to living or dying
He walks the path of Fa-rectification
confident and poised”
("Righteous Thoughts and Righteous Actions," Hong Yin II)
Near the end of the year, we took the chickens to market and I had to get up at about 4:00 a.m. One day, I was a little late, and my husband was rude in front of my father-in-law. The minute I got on the three-wheel motor-vehicle, he took off. I was about to fall off, but my father-in-law grabbed me. I was worried and fearful, and my face was soaked with tears. It was then that I realized that Teacher was in charge of my life. I had nothing to worry about. As I calmed down, my husband slowed down. My father-in-law smiled at me and I felt much more at ease.
This went on for about two years. Despite the tough life, I was at peace whenever I thought of Teacher. Being unable to study the Fa, including Master's recent articles, or get in touch with fellow practitioners, things were very tough, and I had no idea how to negate the arrangements made by the old forces or how to do the three things well. Finally, practitioners in my area formed a study group and I landed a job, which allowed me more freedom. When I participated in the local group study for the first time, it was as if a lost child had returned home. There was friendliness, trust, and warmth.
I have been participating in the study group after work. Whenever I returned home, my husband treated me badly, though he didn't know that I was meeting with practitioners. Then, why was he so angry? Through diligent Fa study I realized that the dark minions of the old forces were using my husband to prevent me from cultivating, or it was my karma that caused the problem.
As I continued my study of the Fa principles, I began telling friends and relatives about withdrawing from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and gave them materials about Falun Dafa. I was fearful at first.
One time my husband found a copy of the Minghui Weekly. Before I entered the door I could hear him yelling, but he didn't beat me because our daughter was there. I remained calm and prepared dinner. He grabbed me and took me to our bedroom with my daughter following us. He pushed me onto the bed and closed all the windows. He then went to the kitchen and returned with a can of natural gas. He opened the can and said, “We can't live this way anymore. Let us all die together.” He then closed the door and left and we realized that he wanted us to die. Very soon the smell of gas was very strong. I was calm and covered my daughter with a blanket, telling her that there was no need to be afraid, because Teacher was looking after us. After about ten minutes my husband returned, opened the windows, took the gas can and said, “Although you don't want to live, we do.” Although I was afraid of my husband, in this life and death situation, I remained very calm, because I knew that Teacher was looking after me. It is like what Teacher said,
“Debts have to be settled. So on your cultivation path some dangerous things might happen. But when these things happen you won’t be scared, and we won’t let you get into real danger.” (Zhuan Falun)
From then on, I could practice the exercises, read Falun Dafa books and Minghui Weekly at home without any problem. But, my husband still tried to stop me, by threatening to leave me, committing suicide, or wanting a divorce. One night he was trying to suffocate me and I asked Teacher for help. My husband stopped and went to sleep. Every time I was within the Fa, my problems were resolved.
I strove forward diligently and gradually learned how to look within. I found many attachments, including resentment, jealousy, fear of criticism, and losing face. I also learned how to reject the old forces' arrangements. The key was to be within the Fa. It was just as Teacher said,
“If you are always compassionate and friendly to others, if you always consider other people when you do things, and whenever you have issues with other people you first think about whether they can take it or whether it will cause them harm, then you won’t have any problem.” (Zhuan Falun)
I forgave my husband and tried to see things from his point of view. I took care of him and ignored his occasional outbursts. As I changed, he seemed to change along with me and his facial expressions became more peaceful.
He came home one morning and started to look for Falun Dafa books. This happened because I had advised one of his friends to withdraw from the CCP. He found one book and started to tear it up. I tried to grab it from him and he threw it onto the floor. When I knelt down to pick up the pieces, he hit me repeatedly with his belt buckle. Suddenly, I felt dizzy and fell to the ground. I heard him crying and yelling, “She has passed away! She has passed away!” I forced myself to open my eyes and sit up. I saw blood all over the place, on my clothes and on the floor. I said “Don't be afraid. I am all right.” I held the book tight and took a piece of tissue to stop the bleeding. He appeared to be worried and said, “I have the book Zhuan Falun in the storeroom. Let me get it for you.”
The blood stopped flowing from my head. I changed my clothes, washed my face, and cleaned the blood stains from the floor. While trying to glue the pages of the book together, I realized that this happened because I held fearful thoughts when I asked his friend to withdraw from the CCP. He asked me, “When I hit you, why didn't you run away?” I said that I didn't want him to accumulate karma by tearing the book. He was moved by my reply and stopped hitting me or tearing Falun Dafa books after this incident.
Before the Olympics my husband made an investment without telling me about it and lost everything within a month after the Olympics. He had taken out a large loan, and had also obtained loans for his friends. He was deeply in debt. He finally told me about it and I became very angry. We had been married for over ten years and he rarely took any money from home. He lost his job and couldn't find another one. Anything he tried failed and we lived on my salary and unemployment benefits when I lost my job. Now, when things seemed to have turned for the better, he went into debt. I first yelled at him. After I calmed down, I understood that there was a reason for this, as nothing happens without a reason when one is cultivating. I just couldn't figure out why this happened.
When I shared with fellow practitioners, they suggested that this was just a test of my understanding of Dafa principles. Indeed, Teacher said,
“Whatever you experience during your cultivation--whether good or bad--is good, for it comes about only because you are cultivating.” ("To the Chicago Fa Conference")
Later, when my mind was at peace, I read,
“When your family or friends are suffering, are you affected inside?”
I finally understood that this was a test. I had become angry. I looked within and found a deeply concealed attachment. I wanted a much more comfortable life and I was resentful because my husband could not provide me with a better life. I worked on eliminating these negative emotions although it was quite difficult. But I persevered. Regardless of how my husband acted, I was determined to save him.
I was able to overcome my tribulations because of the wisdom Dafa bestowed on me. It was the power of Dafa that helped me succeed in eliminating my attachments. I consider myself lucky to be a disciple and to help Master save sentient beings. I still have to let go of my attachments, but I will focus on saving sentient beings. I shall not disappoint Teacher.