(Clearwisdom.net) I have been working for practitioners-run Media for many years, enabling me to learn many lessons on the path of cultivation. Here I would like to share these with fellow practitioners.

I often remind myself that working for the media is also helping Master save sentient beings and rectify the Fa. However, after doing this work for a while, sometimes I began to take it as normal work, allowing my strong human mind to grow, especially when I felt that I was very capable, that I had done a good job or when I obtained achievements. Such a human mind grows, accompanied by various attachments. But if I were not having difficulties, I wouldn't even be aware of the existence of these attachments.

For a while I was in a state where I couldn't listen to any criticism. If a practitioner suggested that something was wrong, I would have one hundred reasons to justify it, but none of these reasons were me. After a long time, I felt my environment was not smooth, and there were more and more conflicts between me and other practitioners.

It was exactly like Master said in his lectures. Finally, the conflicts became serious. Once we worked on a project and I had different opinions from practitioners in other departments. When I look back now, what they did was deficient but I also made mistakes. At that time, I just didn't like their idea. The only thoughts I had were that they couldn't make it, they didn't admit to their own problems. Neither did I want to admit to my own problems complaining about them, and I did not cooperate with them. The situation was getting worse and I felt others were picking on me for everything. No matter what I did, there were always many problems. According to what normal people say, I felt: “When my luck is bad, nothing ever goes smoothly. I can even get cold water stuck between my teeth.”

As my state got worse, I complained more and more. Once several practitioners were discussing something, and I thought they were talking about me behind my back. These kinds of thoughts often appeared and it got out of control. I felt that the entire environment was against me.

Once when I was driving, the thought of others denigrating me came to my mind again and I was very angry. Then I turned on the audio lectures to listen to the Fa. Master said,

“But normally when a problem arises, if it does not irritate a person psychologically, it does not count or is useless and cannot make him or her improve. Accordingly, his mind cannot get over it and is still bothered by it. It could be that his mind is hooked on it. He always wants to turn around to look at the faces of those two people.” (Zhuan Falun)

Suddenly, I felt very ashamed. I couldn't imagine that my xinxing had dropped to such a low level. I really appreciate Master's enlightenment.

After I finished Fa-study at home, I looked at my entire situation carefully. Below are some points that I thought about:

The first thing that came to my mind was that I concentrated more and more on making excuses. Whenever I encountered difficulties, I measured them with everyday people's thinking. Gradually, I seldom looked at the difficulties or conflicts from the point of cultivation practice and the Fa. When I was in a conflict, I tried to solve it with merely ordinary ways. Although some problems can be solved, we are practitioners and are different from other people. Besides that, our goals are fundamentally different. Everyday people's ways cannot solve problems from the root because they might be aimed at our attachments to help us elevate.

Secondly, it is dangerous to feel good about ourselves. In “Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference”, Master said,

“Some are more capable when it comes to one thing, others with another--you definitely shouldn't let your thoughts run wild based on that. You say that you have such great abilities and so on and so forth, but that was all bestowed upon you by the Fa! Actually, it wouldn't work if you failed to attain that level of abilities. Fa-rectification required your wisdom to reach that point, so you definitely shouldn't think that you're so capable.”

My understanding is that as a practitioner, whenever we do well, this is what we should have done because our ability is given by Master and the Fa. If we didn't do well, we should feel ashamed. Furthermore, no matter how good we feel about ourselves, if we compare ourselves to what the Fa requires, do we meet the requirements? If I think this way, how can I feel good about some minor achievement?

Thirdly, I measured things according to my feelings. I rejected the opinions of others simply because I didn't like their ways of doing things, or their ways were foreign to me, or I didn't think they were good enough. In the past, I had a lot of negative thoughts toward others' suggestions or other practitioners. I didn't think from other people's perspective or measure things with Dafa. What I did might have caused losses. If so, I am very sorry.

Fourth, when I encountered difficulties, I looked externally for the reasons. When I heard a different opinion, I thought that was someone else's deficiency or felt jealous or angry. In the article “Digging Out the Roots” in Essentials for Further Advancement, Master said,

“Why did you act irrationally with so much anger? Couldn’t that mental state enable you to recognize that strong attachment of yours? Let me tell everyone: This Fa is inconceivably enormous, and you will never completely know or understand its laws and principles.”

My understanding is that when I was resentful, it meant that my xinxing or my understanding of the Fa might have been far from righteous. When my xinxing or my understanding of the Fa was off, I would be resentful. Actually, this was a hint to myself and people around me. Now, whenever I feel resentful, I know it is a good opportunity to look within.

Now, I realize that I have a huge problem in my cultivation. I am determined to totally let go of self. No matter what others say, I try to be cooperative from the bottom of my heart, without dissatisfaction or complaints. I wrote emails to the practitioners mentioned above, admitted my problems and expressed my will to be cooperative. Maybe because of my advancement, their attitude changed too, as I felt that the environment at work immediately changed.

From the root, it was a problem in my cultivation. I must learn and use my work environment and the management methods of everyday people, but whenever we encounter difficulties or conflicts, we cannot use everyday people's ways to resolve things. If we can't improve ourselves according to the Fa, it will cause problems with the overall cooperation of the one body, which will really result in losses to Dafa projects. My understanding from the Fa is that, currently the old forces are making use of practitioners' human notions to amplify their attachments and cause conflicts and other problems.

The above are my shallow understandings from working for practitioners-run Media. Please kindly point out anything that is inappropriate.