(Clearwisdom.net) In the eyes of other practitioners I have always been a diligent Dafa practitioner. But actually it is not always the case that I can totally look within myself when encountering issues. Very often I would have a lot of complaints, or feel helpless. When I faced a big test the beginning of this year, I was really scared. For a few minutes I could not see anything or hear people speaking clearly. After so many years of cultivation I now understand what cultivation is all about. It is to study the Fa well and measure every single thought we have with the Fa, and completely focus on looking within ourselves. No matter what happens, we should search within to find the cause.

Truly looking within

Before this big test came, I was in a poor good state for quite some time and tended to look outward all the time, feeling that my mindset had been badly hurt. The onset of the test came like a hammer that woke me up. "I’m a cultivator: why am I not looking within! I will walk on the path Master has arranged. I will cultivate myself well." Later I improved Fa-study and tried my best to truly look within, no matter what happened.

Afterwards, in many situations, no matter how right I was on the surface and thinking how much responsibility others should take, or how much trouble they had caused me, by and large, I would wonder what attachment I needed to relinquish from this arrangement of Master's. When I was truly able to do this, Master would give me a hint so that I would become aware of the attachment and let go of it immediately.

There were also situations when I could not find any attachment. When this happened I would not dwell on it. During the process of cultivation, I would suddenly understand the problems I had. Now I feel that, as long as I truly search within myself, I will have no complaint. As I continued to study the Fa, cultivated my heart, and looked within, I gained confidence for my safety for the first time. All things that happen around me have something to do with my xinxing. As long as I cultivate well, I will be able to pass any test with Master's help.

My thoughts on doing more things

In the past I always had a notion that if I got too involved in making truth-clarifying materials and clarifying the facts to people, I would be in danger. I used to remind a number of practitioners: We must put our own Fa-study and exercise practice first; if we have too many things to do we can postpone them, because maintaining our cultivation state is the most important, and only by cultivating ourselves well can we do better in helping Master in Fa-rectification. I held such a notion for a very long time and could not make any breakthrough on this.

Prior to my test at the beginning of the year, I was printing a large quantity of materials for fellow practitioners in a different area. At that time I felt I was making an extra sacrifice and failed to regard this as an arrangement made for me by Master. I did not cultivate my xinxing well, either. After I encountered the trouble, several practitioners asked me if it was because I was too busy doing things and did not have time to study the Fa. I knew I did not cultivate my heart well, but I did not realize that I was stuck to a certain notion for a long time.

Later Fa-study made me realize that the thought “doing too much material work was not safe” was limiting, and being safe or not all depends on if I truly cultivate my heart and mind. Besides, making materials was not making an extra sacrifice, but an honor and a responsibility that even gods envy. Master has arranged our cultivation path. Master gave us this honor (to work on Dafa-related things), because Master believed we were worthy of it, and yet we tried to push it away as a burden. Master allowed us to bear more responsibilities and gave us even greater honor. We should feel extremely fortunate and at the same time be even stricter in cultivating our xinxing so that we will be worthy of that honor.

When I realized this, suddenly I felt my heart and mind's capacity expanding, and many of my views were different compared to those in the past. I had a deeper understanding of the meaning of what Master said in Zhuan Falun, “different levels have different Fa.”

Now I am doing more things than before, and yet I don’t feel I am short of time to study the Fa. I started to recite Hong Yin III and then moved to reciting Zhuan Falun. When I am doing something that does not require much mental work, and when I cannot sit down and read Zhuan Falun, I recite what I remember in Zhuan Falun. I constantly temper myself and cleanse myself with the Fa. Whenever there is an incident I search within myself. The busier I get, the more diligent I become, and I feel that cultivation is really magical and magnificent. For the first time in many years, I feel the peacefulness and happiness of being with Dafa.

My attitude toward practitioners who suffer tribulations

I used to have a wrong understanding about practitioners who experience tribulations, and that was to help those practitioners to look within. This has led to many regrets.

I used to have contact with many practitioners who were suffering tribulations. Many other practitioners and I helped them to look within. In fact, this was all wrong. One will only encounter huge tribulations when he/she is not in a good state for a long time, and those who were experiencing tribulations could easily develop an inferior mentality, thinking that their cultivation was not good at all. Practitioners around them would say they need to search within, and they also wanted to search within. However, huge tribulations usually have rather complex causes, and many practitioners like myself held a wrong understanding about searching within. They tend to limit their searching within to the state of focusing on specific issues. They try to find Master’s teachings that they consider relevant to their tribulations, and recite them again and again, regarding this as the way to resolve the problems. Very often during tribulations, practitioners in question feel they have found all notions that needed to be found, and they have recited all the relevant teachings, but the situation does not seem to improve. On top of this, other practitioners also criticize them, and gradually they become less and less confident and develop a feeling of helplessness. In the end they give up.

Once I had a severe headache, to the point that I even lost consciousness. I felt rather confused. I recited all the relevant Fa teachings, but the headache remained the same. I felt more and more helpless and would lie down when the headache came. Later Fa-study made me aware that the long-lasting headache indicated that I was not diligent enough and had remained at one level for too long. I must become diligent again. Since I could not understand why I had such a severe headache, I stopped thinking about it and only treated it as a reminder that I lacked diligence in my cultivation. I no longer regarded Master’s teachings as a remedy and simply focused on Fa-study and cultivation of xinxing. When the headache came, I would be more diligent. After a while, my headache disappeared. Master hinted during Fa-study that I had such headaches because I was not diligent enough in cultivation, and had given free reign to thought karma while studying the Fa. I felt enlightened all of a sudden.

Now I understand that, very often, the fundamental cause of a big tribulation may not have any direct connection with what is superficially shown. How can those who try to help others look within easily understand what other practitioners are thinking? Therefore, more often than not, the act of helping others look within would turn into a criticizing meeting, and those being criticized would lose confidence to pass their tests. Others' problems that we notice are in fact problems that we should search out within ourselves. We could encourage practitioners who experience tribulations so that they will become more diligent. Master will help them understand where their problems are once they become more diligent.

In retrospect, for many years in my cultivation I often looked for problems in others, and often felt confused or helpless; when big tribulations came, I would try to endure them with the human side of me, feeling that cultivation was truly hard. But now I am filled with inner peace and full of self-confidence as I meld into the Fa. Although I still have many shortcomings, I know how I should cultivate. I study the Fa with a calm mind every day and measure every single one of my thoughts with the Fa. I truly look within when encountering issues and keep walking on the cultivation path arranged by Master.

When tests and tribulations come I do not push them away, but deal with them conscientiously, whether they are issues of everyday people’s society or things that are directly related to our cultivation. I feel my mind's capacity constantly expanding, and everyday people’s notions are being relinquished one after another. I am also making constant breakthroughs in cultivation levels. I feel cultivation is truly a very happy thing to do.

The above is my understandings at my current level. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.