(Clearwisdom.net)

I left Dafa over ten years ago on July 20, 1999. In June 2011, I came back to Dafa and cultivation again. During the past 100 days since I came back to cultivation, I have had mixed feelings. I deeply regret that I had left Dafa and I have felt ashamed of myself. I also have had the joy of improving very fast within the Fa. Most importantly, I have had the happiness of coming back to Dafa again.

I wrote down my cultivation experience and hope it will wake up the practitioners who are still deluded within the human world. Please come back to Dafa and join the Dafa disciples to validate the Fa. Please bear the great responsibilities of Dafa practitioners in the Fa-Rectification period, fulfill our prehistoric vows and cherish this cultivation opportunity that has happened only once in millions of years.

1. Left Dafa for Ten Years, Finally Came Back to Dafa

I acquired the Fa in the winter of 1998. I was a senior in high school. I felt Dafa was very good and wanted to cultivate. However, when I ran into conflicts, I handled them with human notions. I could not measure everything with the Fa and the improvement of my xinxing was slow. Since I did not study the Fa well, when the persecution against Dafa started half a year later, on July 20, 1999, I could not bring myself to step forward and validate the Fa. I just silently felt sad and sat back. I even said in front of my school teacher and other practitioners that I wouldn't cultivate anymore.

Soon, an acceptance letter from a university in Beijing arrived. Before I left for school, I obtained Zhuan Falun from the practice site and brought it with me to the new city and new living environment. Facing all the new people and new things around me, I felt cultivation was very far from me. I occasionally studied the Fa, but I could not study with a calm mind. Right now when I look back, I realize I was driven by the desire for comfort then. I did not understand the Fa and I also found excuses for myself to deny the true meaning of life and the horrible possibility of both body and soul being destroyed. Later, I fell in love and was ruled by emotions. My character changed dramatically. After I started to work, I chased fame and personal gain, and I totally went back to being an everyday person, full of emotion and desire.

During past ten years, compassionate Master never gave up on me and enlightened me many times to give me a chance. The practitioners in my hometown gave me Master's new articles and Fa-Lectures. Some practitioners gave me audio tapes of Master's Fa-Lecture in Dalian and the exercise music. I received informational materials about Falun Dafa, as well as software to break through the Internet blockade. However, I was deeply deluded in the human world and I still did not wake up. I was following society in a downward spiral and did not realize it. Finally one day, when I had some spare time at work, I listened to the song Coming For You that practitioners gave to me years ago. As I listened to it closely, tears fell all over my face. I was deeply touched by Master's great compassion and deeply regretted that I had become deluded among everyday people without realizing it. After that, I firmly made up my mind to start cultivation again and catch up with Master's Fa-Rectification progress.

When I had just made up my mind to cultivate, one morning after practicing the exercises, I clearly saw another dimension made of stone. The mountain over there was a big stone and there were golden lights shining on the top. The sentient beings there were also humans. All the people sat in front of stone tables, confused, and did nothing. It was like they were waiting for something. I realized that Master was encouraging me by letting me see other dimensions. Meanwhile, he asked me to save the sentient beings as soon as possible. During those few days, when I calmed down, I could hear the exercise music in my ears. I knew compassionate Master was encouraging me again and again to seize the time to practice the exercises.

After I acquired the Fa, the sitting meditation was always a big barrier for me. Sometimes I even used human notions to think that I did not have enough endurance and I could not achieve Consummation. Before July 20, 1999, I could only sit in meditation for a few minutes. This time it was totally different. The first time I did the full lotus position for almost 40 minutes and I did not feel much pain, which actually caused my attachments of zealotry and showing off to emerge. A few days later, it became very painful as soon as I started to sit in meditation. Sometimes I could only sit in the full lotus position for ten minutes. I understood that in the beginning, Master encouraged me and strengthened my confidence to cultivate. Later, I needed to endure some pain to eliminate karma during the sitting meditation. Currently I can steadily do the full lotus position for half an hour and I am working on breaking through to being able to do it for one hour.

2. Purifying My Mind, Returning to Cultivation

When I just came back to cultivation, I only knew that I needed to clarify the truth, but I did not know about sending forth righteous thoughts. In the beginning, I just listened to Master's Fa lecture audio and practiced the exercises at night or quietly at some place without other people around. I soon realized that was not right. I should cultivate righteously and do the three things well that Dafa practitioners should do during the Fa-Rectification period. After I adjusted my practice, I found my worry was not necessary. My family members were not against my cultivation. I studied the Fa, practiced the exercises and sent forth righteous thoughts openly at home.

In the beginning, I had difficulties discussing the facts about Falun Dafa face to face. So I used some instant messaging software to send informational materials on the Internet and I clarified the truth to my classmates, friends and colleagues. During my truth-clarification on the Internet, a colleague asked me in private if I was a practitioner, since his mother is a practitioner too. I finally found the first fellow practitioner in Beijing.

Soon after that, I went to the practitioner's home and we shared experiences together. She firmly believed in Dafa and had followed Master and the Fa-Rectification for many years without being left behind. She did the three things very well. Every time I shared experiences with her, I was deeply touched by her unmovable faith in Master and the Fa, and her endurance and compassion under the enormous pressure. I deeply regretted leaving Dafa and blamed myself for not studying nor understanding the Fa well.

During that period of time, every experience sharing, every Fa-study session and even every truth-clarification, deeply touched my heart. Why was my mind not stable? There must be something hidden behind it. I looked inward and found many examples of my selfishness. I was attached to thinking there was not enough time left to cultivate. I worried whether I could achieve Consummation. I wondered what level of cultivation I had achieved. I was sad about missing previous opportunities to save sentient beings. I feared the difficulties which caused enormous pressure on my mind. I regretted wasting so much precious time for cultivation. I was even jealous of the practitioners who cultivated firmly all the way through. All of these dirty human attachments came out frequently and shook my determination for cultivation and my righteous thoughts of saving the sentient beings.

After I studied Master's Fa-lectures over the past few years, I realized more and more that Dafa disciples during the Fa-Rectification period are a special cultivation group. We are not cultivating for our own achievement and consummation. We have greater responsibilities. To save sentient beings is the goal and why we came to this world. Master said,

“And this holds true for the human body of Shakyamuni, Lao Zi, and Jesus, all of whom are now among Dafa disciples. The mighty virtue that they accumulated would suffice for them to achieve Consummation, and the same is true for other Dafa disciples—it’s plenty enough for them to achieve Consummation—and it is thus that I’ve said your Consummation is not a question. What is a question is [your fulfilling] the enormous mission of saving sentient beings. It’s only this question, of your managing to fulfill this mission, that counts as critical. Your own completion is not the goal. You already established that mighty virtue in the past, and it is on those grounds that you are worthy of being a Dafa disciple.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2010 New York Fa Conference”)

Along with a clearer understanding of the Fa, I dug out the roots of those dirty attachments and repelled the degenerate notions of selfishness. My mind became much purer and I had a stronger determination to cultivate. I knew Master had helped me to remove all of those dirty elements. I also realized the regrettable things I did were in the past. I should let go of the attachment of regret and focus on doing things well right now, one step at a time. Regret is also a human notion. I should change regret to motivation, walk the future path well and try to make up for lost time. After I adjusted my attitude, I should redouble my efforts to advance diligently, cherish my path of cultivation for the future and do the three things that Dafa practitioners should do in the Fa-Rectification period well.

3. Cultivate Oneself Well While Validating the Fa

Since childhood, I did not pay attention to human conflicts. My parents, neighbors and colleagues all said that I had good character. But when I left Dafa before, I fell into the big dye vat of everyday people. Especially after I fell into emotions, my character changed dramatically. I had many attachments, including suspicion, lust, jealousy, a mentality of doing things and a bad temper. I was puzzled by the emotions. After I started to work, I also began to have strong attachments of pursuing fame and personal gain. I also developed the bad habits of smoking and drinking.

Before I returned to cultivation, I felt that I was not too bad. For a while I even thought that although I did not cultivate, I was not too far from practitioners. After I started to cultivate again, when I compared myself with Dafa's requirements, I was shocked. I has strayed from Dafa very far! It was horrible. It is just as Master said,

“What ordinary people say is good isn’t necessarily good, and what ordinary people say is bad isn’t necessarily bad. In this age of twisted moral values, when a person is doing something bad, if you point out to him that he’s doing something bad, he won’t even believe you! To be a cultivator, you have to judge things by the nature of the universe, and only then can you tell what’s truly good and truly bad.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)

When I first came back to cultivation, I cultivated myself and validated the Fa at the same time. I had quite a few tests to pass. During a conflict, how well I passed the test directly related to the effectiveness of validating the Fa and clarifying the truth, and it was a reflection of my cultivation state. I firmly remembered every day what Master taught us,

“If your mind is always that peaceful and compassionate, when problems suddenly come up, you’ll usually have a buffer and room to think it over.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)

Below are two examples.

Passing the Test of Emotion

After I restarted cultivation, my husband listened to Master's Fa-Lecture audio tape and he even had the thought to cultivate in Dafa. But later, he used modern science and human notions to measure Dafa and felt Dafa was unbelievable. Although I talked with him about it many times, it looked like it would be hard to change his mind. After he studied the Fa, he had a strong misunderstanding about practitioners. He could not accept that practitioners give up common emotions, and he thought I had no feelings for him. He often insulted me and fought with me over this issue. I treated him with compassion and patience and did not come down to the same level as him. I tried my best to take care of him and our child. Meanwhile, I told him the beauty of letting go of emotions. Compassion is a much greater state, and emotions are selfish. For example, if you did not treat me well, I might not treat you well either. But compassion is different. Finally my husband no longer said I had no feelings anymore.

My husband was not against me cultivating Falun Dafa. One day, however, when he found I was distributing money with truth-clarifying messages written on the bills, he said he wanted to divorce me. He said I could only cultivate myself, but not go out to pass out truth-clarifying materials. His reason was that he did not want to worry every day. I thought it was a test of my determination of cultivating in Dafa and at the same time a chance to give up the attachments to emotion. The relationship of husband and wife is predestined. It cannot be easily destroyed, even if one person wants a divorce. Everything is up to Master. I considered that my family members did take on a lot of mental pressure. I did not blame my husband. I was not moved or angry. I just told him about the beauty of Dafa peacefully and told him we are doing the most righteous things. Dafa has been persecuted by the CCP and we want people to know the truth in order to stop the persecution. At the same time, I also told him that I did not agree to divorce and I cherished our predestined relationship as husband and wife very much. One month later, my husband told me he wouldn't mention divorce anymore. He said I should pay attention to safety. He also took the initiative to withdraw from the CCP and its related organizations. He then helped his father and grandfather, who had passed away, to quit the CCP. After I let go of emotions, it is really is “After passing the shady willow trees, there will be bright flowers and another village ahead!”

I recall when I recently discussed Falun Dafa with a few people. They all knew Dafa before to a certain extent, but none of them truly cultivated in Dafa. Master said,

“They absolutely won’t let anyone in if he is not worthy. This manifests as people themselves saying that they don’t want to become a part of it; as the circumstances around them preventing them from coming in, with people saying this and that and asking them not to go; as their not being able to set aside things that are bothering them; or as one difficulty or another, something not working for them, or their not being able to let go of something. All of which results in their not being able to come in.” (“What is a Dafa Disciple”)

I am so fortunate to come back to Dafa. My task and responsibility could not be taken by others. I can only redouble my efforts in doing the three things well, cultivating myself well and saving as many people as possible. I cannot again let down the sentient beings who have entrusted their lives to me. Moreover, I cannot let down Master's compassionate salvation.

Passing the Test of Fame and Personal Gain at Work

I used to work as a sales person. About six months ago, I was promoted to a management position. After the year end bonuses, two persons on my team had disagreements about the amount they got. The total amount of additional bonus they thought they should get was exactly the same as the bonus I got. I understood that as a leader among everyday people, I had the responsibility to resolve conflicts between the company and its employees. It was also to get rid of my attachment to money. According to the group's performance, the company won't give more bonuses. I took the initiative to communicate with the leader and give my bonus to those two persons.

About a month ago, due to a business adjustment, I was arranged to do sales work again. I needed to report to a colleague who used to be at a lower level than me. At the same time, my title and salary were both reduced. This adjustment was very unfair from my colleagues' perspective. If it had happened before I returned to Dafa, I would have also gotten angry and tried to find those who could change it. Maybe I would have even resigned. Since I am now a practitioner, I wasn't moved. I knew Master arranged this to help me remove my attachment of pursing fame and personal gain. At the same time, he used this to let me pay back the inappropriate earnings I received before in the company. In addition, I needed to report to a person who seemed to be “below” me to help eliminate my deeply rooted jealousy.

When I let go of fame and personal gain, my heart felt very peaceful. Every time when I talked to those involved, I always discussed the facts about Falun Dafa to them from different angles. I understand that Master arranged things like this to give me the chance to contact more colleagues and clients during work, tell them the facts about Falun Dafa and give them the chance to position themselves for their future. When I let go of the attachment of pursuing fame and personal gain, I felt my xinxing had improved and I saw dramatic changes physically and mentally. I have a joy and happiness after improving within the Fa, which is hard to describe. I understand the Fa principle Master said,

“When one is attached to nothing
The path underfoot is naturally smooth” (“Unimpeded”, Hong Yin Vol. II)

4. Clarifying the Truth and Saving Sentient Beings

After I came back to cultivation again, I realized the urgency of clarifying the truth and saving sentient beings. I utilized all possible opportunities to clarify the truth to the public using different methods. Sometimes, I did not do it very well and had some regrets. But I believe that I will do better with diligent Fa-study, strengthening righteous thoughts, and with Master's arrangement and strengthening.

I also want to use this opportunity to report to Master and fellow practitioners some of the ways we currently use to spread the facts about Falun Dafa. Please point out anything inappropriate or ways we can improve.

(1). Using instant messaging software to send informational materials and clarify the truth. This mainly targets acquaintances.

(2). Clarifying the truth face to face to family, friends, colleagues and strangers. This is the most direct and effective way and has the biggest challenges to human notions.

(3). Using multiple ways to save sentient beings such as passing out informational materials, putting up posters, sending out text messages and sending letters. Although communicating face to face is the most effective way, the quantity is limited by time. We have cooperated as a team to use other ways to spread the truth about Falun Dafa.

(4). Sending name lists to the Minghui website for group emails.

5. Overcoming Emotion and Establishing a Material Production Site

Among our group of practitioners cooperating together, we have two material production sites. We often have material shortages, especially after passing out the informational materials on a large scale. So I had the thought of establishing another material site. Master encouraged us to have truth-clarifying materials sites like flowers blossoming everywhere. I had the thought of establishing the material site at my home, but my family members were so concerned about the money I used for truth-clarifying, would they agree to establishing the materials site? I had some doubts, but when I had the wish, Master helped and arranged things for me.

During that period, it was very painful to practice the exercises and sometimes I even had the thought of not cultivating anymore. When that thought arose, I recited

“Physical pains count little as suffering,
Indeed, cultivating mind is hardest.” (“Tempering the Will”, Hong Yin II)

I repelled this thought, but it still emerged sometimes. Finally one day, since my determination for cultivation was not strong enough, I was taken advantage of by old forces.

One weekend when I attended group Fa-study at a fellow practitioner's home, we also planned to hang up informational banners after finishing Fa-study. Suddenly, my husband called me and told me my child woke up, was crying loudly, and needed to be breast-fed. He told me to come back home immediately. We knew this was interference, so we sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it. After a while I called back home again and heard that my child stopped crying. I told my husband I would be home a little later. But after half an hour, my husband called again and told me my child was crying badly. It was 6:00 p.m.. I sent forth righteous thoughts and then went back home to take a look. On my way home, I became stuck in a traffic jam. I got my husband’s call again. He urged me and even scolded me.

As soon as I entered the door, my husband shouted at me loudly. He also said that if I continued to cultivate in Dafa, he would break my legs. I saw the situation and realized that this tribulation was an opportunity for me to improve. I was very calm. My husband grabbed a black plastic bag and said some disrespectful words about Dafa. I saw it was the Dafa books that practitioners gave to me in the bag and they had been destroyed by my husband. I immediately understood that I was being taken advantage of by the evil and I immediately sent forth strong righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil. I also felt pity for my husband, seeing that he was being controlled by the evil, lost rationality and committed sins against Dafa without even knowing it. I thought that I should treat sentient beings who were controlled by the evil with compassion since they were also victims. I did not get angry, but told my husband seriously, “You destroyed Dafa books, and that will do nothing good for you.” I felt sorry that I did not do enough to protect the Dafa books. I went to comfort my child, who was crying loudly. She had been crying for over an hour. Her eyes looked ferocious and she hit me, which had never happened before. I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil factors behind her. My mother-in-law, who was a Christian, also criticized me and said something disrespectful about Dafa. I treated her with compassion and told her the facts about Falun Dafa. I also explained that there is nothing wrong with cultivating Dafa and being a good person. My husband then threatened me with divorce and left our house. I took the initiative to call him and ask him to come back. At that moment, I truly experienced what Master said,

“Physical pains count little as suffering,
Indeed, cultivating mind is hardest.
Each and every barrier must be broken through,
And everywhere does evil lurk.” (“Tempering the Will”, Hong Yin II)

The second day, my husband said he cried for a whole day. He said he destroyed the Dafa books and scolded me, but I faced him with a smile and peace in my heart. I told him that he committed a crime against Dafa and created karma for himself by doing those things. It was not good for him. I told him how precious Dafa books are and how much risk and hard work that fellow practitioners endure. I also told him that the evil in other dimensions will target irrational people and asked him to be rational in the future. My husband said he wanted to do something to compensate for the damage he caused and he said he wanted to buy some Dafa books or make some Dafa books. I immediately proposed that we buy a printer. My husband gladly agreed. So I established a material production site at my house.

When physically producing truth-clarifying materials using printers, which looked simple, I truly experienced the difficulties of doing so and saw the importance of the support from practitioners who are technically savvy. I understood that our Dafa disciples are one body and it is vital to cooperate with each other. The first thing I did every day after work was to turn on the printer and start the production as soon as I could. At the same time, I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate all the evil elements which interfered with the truth-clarifying materials production and strengthen the printer to print more and better material to save sentient beings. After I passed the test, my determination for cultivation became very strong.

Above is my experience sharing after I returned to Dafa and cultivation for about 100 days. Compared to most of the practitioners who advanced diligently, my experiences are trivial. I hope that sharing my experience helps practitioners who are still deluded within human ideas to come back to Dafa as soon as possible. Please let go of all attachments and do not use any human notions to measure our cultivation. Please come back to fulfill our prehistoric vows and the great responsibilities and tasks that history has bestowed upon us.

My level of understanding is limited. Please kindly point out anything improper.

September 2011