Validating the Fa by Looking Inward

(Minghui.org) Greetings, honorable Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!

Two years ago I went to a Fa conference abroad. My husband, who is not a practitioner, gave his full and supported me in my decision.

During and after the conference I felt how Master was rectifying my body, but I knew nothing of the test awaiting me at home.

When I returned home, my husband behaved coldly towards me, and one day he said, "Listen, I am sick and tired of all this. I want a divorce."

At first I thought I didn't hear him well or that it was a joke, so I asked him to repeat what he had said. He repeated the same sentence and his face was very serious. I asked him to explain what had happened and why he wanted a divorce. His answer was that he had just had enough and that was it. When I asked him to explain what exactly he was sick and tired of, he couldn't specify. He just kept repeating the same sentence over and over again.

I felt as if thunderstruck. All of a sudden I was engulfed by many different emotions. The fact that I was being "dumped" hurt my ego profoundly. All my fears surfaced and I felt as if I was choking. What will happen to the children? How will I manage to do by myself all the housework we used to share? It will take a lot of precious time. How will I manage financially without my husband being the main provider? How can I, a Dafa disciple, get divorced? I will also have to deal with all kinds of reactions of the people around me.

It was clear to me that I had to talk to my husband. I thought that by talking to him I could resolve everything. I told him that he was dear to me, and I was sure it was reciprocated. I told him that divorce was wrong in general, and wrong for me as a practitioner. I told him it was not good for our children. His response was telling me that he had no intention of changing his mind, and that I should look for the necessary papers so we might turn to a lawyer in the next few days. I saw that he was serious and completely determined.

I broke down crying. At that moment I had no idea how I was going to handle this. My wounded ego and all my fears filled me completely and in those moments it was very hard for me to be clearheaded as a Dafa disciple should be. All the same, deep inside I knew that a thing like this wouldn't happen without a reason.

I went to another room and started to send forth righteous thoughts. Little by little my thinking became clearer and I felt that after I had gotten so much at the conference, the time came to undergo a test.

In "Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference" Master said,

"For a cultivator, looking within is a magical tool. Monks and certain cultivators used to say, 'Buddha is found in the mind.' It told of the need to cultivate one's mind--that's the real meaning it expressed. And indeed, that's how it works."

I started looking inward. Suddenly I recognized all the ugly thoughts that surfaced in my mind. I realized that in the current situation I was only thinking of myself, and I didn't even have a moment's thought about what my husband was going through. I was talking about my suffering, about the children's suffering, but what about my husband and his suffering? What does he feel? I totally forgot that I was to treat him as a living being to be saved, so where was my compassion? Maybe, in my effort to do more, I was burdening him with too much work, and it was hard on him.

I suddenly realized my husband's distress and a feeling of deep compassion for him engulfed me. However, my fears were still bothering me from the inside, so I decided it was time to let them go.

In the article "Eliminate Your Last Attachment(s)" from Essentials for Further Advancement II Master said,

"If a cultivator can let go of the thought of life and death under any circumstance, evil is sure to be afraid of him. If every student is able to do this, evil will of itself no longer exist. All of you are already aware of the principle of mutual-generation and mutual-inhibition. If you are not afraid, the factor that would make you afraid will cease to exist. This is not to be self-imposed, but is achieved by truly and calmly letting go of it. Whenever I see you suffering, Master feels even more troubled than you; whenever you do not take a step well, it really pains my heart. Everything that the evil has done has actually targeted the attachments and fears that you have not let go of. You are future Enlightened Beings who are becoming Buddhas, Daos, and Gods, and you are not concerned with the losses and gains of this world. So you should be able to let go of everything."

I started looking inward to see what really frightened me. I saw that it was hard for me to get used to living alone. I said it in my heart that I acknowledged only Master's arrangement, so if this was what Master was planning for me, I will live alone. Many practitioners live alone, so, what's so frightening about it? It is true that I will have to do more housework, but then, it's a way to advance in my cultivation. I now felt slightly relieved. The financial situation was still bothering me strongly, though. So I thought that I would have to give up certain things and economize. If this was what Master was planning for me, I'd take it as part of my cultivation.

Little by little I dismissed my fears until they were all gone.

A feeling of lightness appeared. I felt I was no longer dependent on anything. Compassion filled my heart. I left the room, approached my husband, and asked him when he wanted to see the lawyer. My husband looked at me in an odd way and asked me what I was talking about. His look was the look of a person who really, totally, did not understand what was going on.

All of a sudden I realized that the whole situation was an illusion created to test me, let me improve my xinxing and validate the Fa. All the communication between us from that day to now continued as if the conversations about the divorce had never taken place.

I thank honorable Master for his enormous compassion!

I thank all fellow practitioners, it's a great honor to walk next to you on our way of cultivation.