(Minghui.org) Thank you, Master, for arranging the 9th China Fahui for us, so we can improve as one-body in our cultivation! As in previous such Fa conferences, I have submitted my article to the conference and also read other practitioners' experience-sharing. I greatly benefited from this. Once again, thank you, Master, for your grace and compassion! Also, thank you, fellow practitioners, for your contributions!
On the last day of the conference I finished reading all the articles. Taking this opportunity, I would like to report to Master and fellow practitioners what I have gained from this Fa conference.
For a long time, the state of my cultivation has been very contradictory. On the one hand, my divine side has followed Master unshakably during the process of Fa-rectification. Through studying Master's lectures, my understanding of the meaning of Fa-rectification has been very rational and clear. On the other, my human side has not allowed me to believe in Master and the Fa completely. Because of this, I have not been able to strive forward diligently in my cultivation and fully immerse myself into the Fa. To put it plainly, I couldn't face the fact that the ultimate choice of my being was to thoroughly assimilate to the Fa. I never thought that I had this problem. I know it is absurd for a Dafa disciple with a solid understanding of Fa-rectification to encounter such a low-level problem. But this is the reality I have been facing.
I know I have a lot of noticeable attachments, and I have not been able to look inward. Why is that? It is because I have treated “I haven't found my attachments” as “I couldn't find them.” As time passed, feeling discouraged, I avoided them. That's why I kept stumbling in my cultivation, even to this day.
For various reasons, I could only read the Fa Conference articles once every three days. But when I read, I usually finished all the articles from the previous three days at once. Every time I finished reading the articles, I was greatly affected by the energy. Gradually, I have started using practitioners' experiences to gauge my cultivation and look inward. And, gradually, the root cause of my hidden problems started to surface.
My breakthrough point came when I was reading an article in which the practitioner said the root cause of his attachment was high and low self-esteem coming from his deeper attachment of minding the existence of others. I suddenly realized that I was too attached to practitioners' attitudes in a project all because I lacked self-confidence and steadfast faith in Master. Thus, I had no righteous thoughts or actions.
As I tried to dig deeper, I found that the root cause of this attachment was still deeper than it appeared.
When I was a kid, I was kind and pure. If I inadvertently hurt someone, I would let him or her hit me, and I would have no resentment. Because my father was a victim of Communist movements, to protect me, my mother deliberately forbid me from engaging in any kind of disputes. Even if I was right, my mother asked me to give up. Gradually, the seed of distrust was planted in my heart. Although my kind and pure nature remained, a distorted psychological barrier inside me started to take root.
I began practicing Dafa in the winter of 1993. Just six months before I obtained the Fa, I met a disciple of the Yellow Sect of the Tibetan esoteric Buddhism. We became very good friends. However, my trust in him later led him to interfere with me. Since then, I have come to believe that if ever there is a person in this world that I would wholeheartedly trust, it would be Master.
After being interfered with for about a year, I again came back to cultivate in Dafa. I was determined that Dafa would be the only way I would follow in this lifetime. Although I had already chosen my path, interference from within never ceased. Due to the interference, I was tormented to the point that I almost gave up my life. Every time I was ready to take a stride forward in my cultivation, the restless interference from within held me back.
My state while studying Zhuan Falun hasn't been good. The fact that I am still lingering in Dafa is because I can rationally understand Master' teachings. When I was reading the “Lectures in the United States” that were published in 1997, my thinking, which was once sealed off, began to broaden. After I read “Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Singapore,” I was taken by Master to a new realm of sublimation. By following Master's arranged path, I have penetrated a lot of levels in the colossal firmament.
Every Dafa disciple's path of validating the Fa is different. During Fa-rectification, I have also shouldered the responsibility of validating the Fa. In the process of honoring my vow, Master has bestowed upon me supreme glory. I haven't failed to live up to Master's expectation. I have successfully completed some of the projects I have undertaken.
However, some of my hidden attachments have not been disclosed. For example, my thought karma (of finding fault with Master) still exists but is suppressed. This thought karma has never been completely eliminated. I have come to understand that the fundamental cause of this thought karma comes from my humanness, that is, my distrust in Master.
This distrust in Master manifests in my thought karma and my lack of understanding of the seriousness of “No second cultivation way.” I understood that in Dafa cultivation, there are automatic mechanisms that guide all true practitioners to an incredible, straight-path ascension. At that time, I unconsciously used my previous cultivation school to judge all this, thinking that Master was simply too compassionate and that Dafa cultivation is “The great way that is simple.” Then, right after I was contemplating how great Dafa was, a thought from inside called out: “No, that's impossible.” I was instantly awakened to this thought karma and quickly tried to catch it.
After that, I realized that this “distrust” of people was, in fact, a human thought. This hidden “ego” was simply absurd and pathetic. The secular manifestation of this human thought was to view Master as an ordinary person and to distrust Him; I built a wall to guard against this. Although it appeared to be weak and insignificant, it was certainly enough to harm me. When I was going through a huge test of sickness karma, I begged Master to help me, but this human thought of distrust in Master was still having an invisible effect. I have now come to deeply understand the seriousness of “cultivating truthfulness.”
I remember having read an influential article online written by a practitioner who later went astray. In the article, he said that, at his level, he viewed Master as someone no different than other gods. He had no special reverence for Master. When I was reading this passage, I felt that the author's understanding was wrong, but didn't think any further. Shortly after that, he went astray. Just one wrong thought, especially after being put to paper, can lead to serious consequences.
Now when I look at this person's problem, I feel that all beings on all levels are probably likely to be making the same mistake in how they treat Master. Whether or not a being makes such a mistake depends on how he gauges himself according to the Fa. Before the Fa finishes rectifying the whole universe, whether or not a being makes this mistake depends on whether we, as Dafa disciples, also make this mistake.
Now I understand why ordinary people don't believe that Dafa is really good and say that Master is involved with politics. It is all because of my ignorant, ordinary thoughts.
As I tried to find my attachment of distrust, and where it originally came from, it got very complicated. I couldn't find where it began. After putting everything into perspective, I clearly came to understand the old forces and their arrangements. When I thought about it, I got really scared. I still remembered that I was exhausted from two to three years of tribulations.
I finally obtained a copy of Master's lecture in “Teaching the Fa at a New York Meeting.” Master said:
“This is because the Buddha Fa is boundless. What does 'the Buddha Fa is boundless' mean? It has unlimited ways; It has plenty of ways to save people, according to each person’s situation.” (“Teaching the Fa at a New York Meeting,” Lectures in the United States)
After reading this passage, I sent forth a very strong thought, that is, no matter what, Master's Fa can offer me salvation. A few years have passed and I have repeatedly tried to recall the kind of “thinking” I had behind this thought. I found that this “thinking” was pure and from the heart. That's why, subsequently, Master arranged a special path of Fa-rectification for me.
After I dug out the root cause of my attachment, I had peace in my heart. This attachment didn't belong to my real self. I now can finally kowtow to Master.
Thank you, Master, for hinting this to me at the last critical moment! Thank you, fellow practitioners, for helping me! I will seize this precious time to eliminate the corrupt substances I have and the deeper attachments derived from it, and immerse myself into the one body.
