(Minghui.org) I would be dead many times over if I hadn't become a Falun Dafa practitioner and did not have Master. Due to cultivation practice, I've understood the meaning of life, the purpose of my existence, why certain things happen to me, and how to handle them when they surface.
– Author
Greetings Compassionate Master! Greetings fellow practitioners all around the world!
I am a veteran practitioner, and I returned to Dafa in 2008. I would like to report my cultivation experiences to Master and fellow practitioners.
1. Elevating Xinxing, Raising Levels in Dafa
Master talked about “Abundant troubles rain down together,” in “Tempering the Will” in Hong Yin. I've truly, personally experienced them.
My father-in-law passed away several years ago, and my mother-in-law fell ill shortly after. My child was only two years old then, but I wholeheartedly cared for my mother-in-law during her thirty days in the hospital. This effort would have been impossible for me if not for practicing Falun Dafa.
My mother-in-law disliked me since the very first time we met. She monitored the letters I wrote to my husband, and our phone conversations whenever he called me at home. She listened even when I called my brother. After I gave birth and came home, my husband went on a business trip. After he left, she came to my room and cursed at me. Although she bought milk and all sorts of drinks for my nephew, my child was not given any. When my child was sick, I took care of the child for four straight days and nights, and when I finally fell asleep, I slept very deeply. When I woke up, the baby had already made a mess on the bed, so I asked her to help me clean it up. She helped, but then cursed at me again. I don't remember her ever smiling at me, nor could I recall how many times she cursed at me. When my father-in-law passed away, she told everyone in the family that it was all my fault. Her side of the family also mistreated me due to her influence.
It was already enough for me to handle my mother-in-law, yet my husband made things more complicated. From the time that our child was four months old, he had an affair which continued until my mother-in-law was hospitalized. He then began verbally and later physically abusing me.
Master told us,
“Of course, in practicing cultivation in ordinary human society, we should respect parents and educate our children. Under all circumstances, we must be good and kind to others, not to mention to our family members.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
I abided by the principles of Dafa, tried my best to take care of my mother-in-law, and relied on Master's Fa step by step. I recited,
“When it’s difficult to endure, you can endure it. When it’s impossible to do, you can do it.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
I later found many of my attachments, including resentment, the mentality of fighting, jealousy, and complaining, and eliminated them. The home environment was gradually rectified.
My husband once severely beat me again, and I could not understand why. What did I do wrong? Master enlightened me at the time,
“One is that you might have treated this person badly in your previous life.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
With tears running down my face, I felt guilty for what I'd done to him in my previous life. He later beat me again, even worse this time. He seemed to really want to kill me. I was lying in bed crying and thought again, what did I do this time? Master enlightened me again. When the persecution of Falun Dafa first began, I was attached to sentimentality, so the old forces manipulated my boyfriend (now my husband), and he asked me to choose between him or Dafa. I chose him, and the old forces then took advantage my attachment and made my husband commit a sin against Dafa-- and what a sin that was! This was all my fault, and now I know the reason. From that day on, he never beat me again.
With regard to eliminating attachments, there's no room to negotiate. One day, my mother-in-law began criticizing me again. Although I endured it, I didn't search within and she got louder and louder. I could no longer bear it and talked back to her. She stood up and began cursing me with something completely out of context. I realized immediately, recalling Master's words,
“...one should not fight back when being punched or insulted, but should conduct oneself with a high standard.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
I did not pass the test, thinking that I wasn't that kind of person, how could you... then I suddenly understood. Master taught us,
“But normally when a problem arises, if it does not irritate a person psychologically, it does not count or is useless and cannot make him or her improve.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
With this thought, I felt a sudden vibration inside my body and knew that I had improved. The substance that made me uncomfortable was gone. Later, when her comment, “She is the one who caused the death of her father-in-law” was spreading, I thought, “Why did this flare up again?” I thought for a while, then suddenly realized that I'd pursued a good name, hoped for a good reputation, but couldn't handle it when anything affected my reputation. The more I was attached to it, the more it damaged my name. At that moment, my heart felt lighter, and I knew that another attachment was gone.
It was oftentimes very difficult to eliminate the attachment. One day, I couldn't remember something that had happened, but towards the end my mother-in-law called her son in front of me and said, “Remember how your father died.” I couldn't handle it any longer, and felt that I'd reached the limit of my endurance. However, a voice kept reminding me, “Search within, cultivate yourself,” but I also heard another voice, “Why should I, I didn't do anything wrong. Why?” I covered my mouth and cried in silence while listening to the two voices, then remembered Master's words, “When it’s difficult to endure, you can endure it. When it’s impossible to do, you can do it.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
I kept reciting amidst tears, “When it’s difficult to endure, you can endure it. When it’s impossible to do, you can do it.” The substance then disappeared.
I would be dead many times over if I hadn't become a Falun Dafa practitioner and did not have Master. Due to cultivation practice, I've come to understand the meaning of life, the purpose of my existence, why certain things happen to me, and how to handle them when they surface.
The home environment then began changing. My husband changed from physically abusing me to gradually taking care of me, and from not acknowledging Dafa to guiding his mother to learn about Falun Dafa. He said that he wanted everyone he knew to learn about Dafa. He changed from not allowing our child to practice cultivation, to reading Zhuan Falun to him. When I told him that there would be fellow practitioners coming over for group Fa study, he said “Welcome, the more the merrier!” Since he supported Dafa, he also received blessings. One time, his boss rewarded him with 10,000 yuan for good work. I knew well that this wasn't due to how well I did. It was because “Falun Dafa is good!”
2. Solid Improvement in Doing the Three Things Well
When I first ventured out to validate the Fa, I was very fearful. In the beginning, I took only two steps to place the first DVD into my neighbor's mailbox, but I was so scared that I thought my heart would stop beating. Due to my fear, I sometimes wanted to give up. When fellow practitioners brought stack upon stack of truth clarification materials to me, I regretted my behavior and cried. I knew that this was the understanding side of me, telling me, “This is your mission.” I later began distributing materials and posted banners. At times I was so scared that I fell short of breath, and sweated profusely. At those times, I slowed down and recited Master's Fa,
“In life, nothing sought,
In death, regretting naught;
Washing away all wrong thought,
Buddhahood, with less
adversity, is wrought.”
(“Nothing Kept” from Hong Yin)
and,
“The old forces don't dare to oppose our clarifying the truth or saving sentient beings. What's key is to not let them take advantage of the gaps in your state of mind when you do things.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Boston”)
I relied on Master's Fa to intensify my righteous thoughts, and subsequently, my fear gradually disappeared.
I remembered an article in Minghui Weekly, which mentioned secret agents--that they might be sitting in a car, but not necessarily a police car. They might be in plainclothes on the street, they might even hire elderly citizens, children, or women to monitor practitioners. After I read that article, no matter who I saw, they all looked like secret agents. Even at home, I felt that evil would use the monitor in the next building to watch me. I felt scared when I talked, ate dinner, walked, or went to the bathroom, I felt as if the evil would come in at any minute and take me away. The only thing I could do was read the Fa, but even while holding the book, I still felt every cell in my body shaking. After I read, “...your simply sitting here does not mean that you are a practitioner” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun), I suddenly realized that picking up the book and reading the Fa to negate the old forces' persecution was not enough. One must become a true cultivator, and only then can you negate the persecution from the fundamental level.
Master asked us to do the three things well, and I felt my elevation and improvement in doing them. One day, I wrote a truth-clarifying letter to police officers, and thought, “Well, you want to persecute Dafa practitioners, so we will all write truth clarifying letters to expose and eliminate you!” As the letter progressed, I realized that this was not a righteous thought, that I was here to save people, not to fight with them. My compassion emerged.
When I first ventured out to distribute truth clarification materials, I recited Master's Fa to intensify my righteous thoughts. Later, whenever I had a thought like, “Someone is going to report you,” I would negate it. I absolutely didn't allow sentient beings to commit sins against Dafa.
When I made truth clarification phone calls, odd thoughts would surface like, “The police officer is following me, he will soon touch my shoulder and say 'Got you!'” I would then turn quickly and leave when I reached a police station. I later thought that this was caused by my thought karma, and began reciting Master's Fa,
“In Buddhism, it is said that every phenomenon in human society is illusory and unreal.” (Lecture Two, Zhuan Falun)
I later thought that police were there to arrest bad people, not Dafa practitioners. When I approached a police station, I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate all evil factors that persecuted practitioners, and interfered with the salvation of those policemen who did not know the truth about Falun Gong.
One day, I was clarifying the truth to one of my husband's relatives, when she rejected me. I began searching within. I hadn't made any mistakes, and my attitude was right as well. Why didn't she accept the truth? I remembered that my husband was still sleeping when I got up that morning, and I thought, “I work hard every day taking care of you and your family. Today is your day off, so you should get up and take care of her.” I realized that this was not on the basis of the Fa - no wonder she rejected me.
On another occasion, a fellow practitioner mentioned that a certain Dafa materials site lacked funding. I wanted to donate some money, and when I offered it to him, he refused with an attitude. I knew that this must be my fault; otherwise, why would he treat me this way? I searched within quickly, and realized that my heart was not pure. This practitioner mentioned in the past that when practitioners with financial difficulties still helped out the materials site, Master would help them in other ways. I thought that my financial situation was very tight, so if I donated, Master would then compensate me in other ways. With this improper thought, of course the fellow practitioner would treat me the way he did.
Master affirmed the effect of saving sentient beings in my writing truth clarification information on paper money. I also wanted to do that. First, others gave me some paper money with truth information already written on it, but later, I did it myself. After I saw truth messages on the Minghui website, I added new information such as “Sentient beings all recognize the nature of the evil party.” I incorporated them into the printer text, mixed the colors well, and printed the messages on the money. I adjusted them many times and in many ways in order to make them look perfect. I printed the same message on five different denominations. In order to help sentient beings understand more truth about Dafa and the importance of the “three withdrawals” from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), I set a system for printing one hundred paper bills at a time, with different messages. That way, if I distributed three bills, they'd contain three different sets of information. I made truth-clarifying paper money on new and old bills. I felt that it was not an accident that I obtained this money.
I later felt that in order to increase the circulation time of the paper money, older paper cash would not be appropriate, so I stopped using the old cash. I never ran into any problems after having this idea of not printing on old cash and wearing out the printer. Sometimes, when the paper was stuck in the printer, I cleared it out without problems. Once I started doing too many things, and developed the heart of just doing things. I didn't keep up with Fa study, and when I didn't pass a xinxing test well, my printer gave me trouble. I knew that it was my fault, so I changed the printer head, and acknowledged the issue to fellow practitioners, of how printing old cash jammed the machine. I gave all the old cash to fellow practitioners. One practitioner told me that it took her a long time to spend the money because no one wanted the old bills. I knew that this was again my fault, as I was selfish in giving the old money to others. From that point on, I began printing on old paper money again.
Printing truth clarification information on paper money was a process of elevation. Fellow practitioners suggested that the information should not be too much or too little. Some suggested printing on the empty spot, others suggested printing in a spot where the words would blend in easily. Since practitioners also wanted to clarify the truth with their suggestions, I didn't know who to listen to with so many suggestions. Whenever I was stuck, I began studying the Fa, and Master enlightened me immediately,
“In this world, the ordeals that Master faces, as with the accompanying pressure, come in numbers greater than tens of thousands each day, yet no one has managed to make me waver, and that cannot be done.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2008 New York Conference”)
I let my heart settle, and fellow practitioners stopped their suggestions.
When I distributed the truth-clarification money to fellow practitioners, they all wanted small denomination bills. Whenever I went to them, they repeated this request, and I developed resentment after so many requests. Since the small bills were scarce, I asked them to save them for me and then I would print truth information on them. I thought about why they wouldn't save the small bills and exchange them with me when we met. Each time, they just kept asking but never offering. Master saw that I was not enlightened to it, and used a fellow practitioner to remind me, “I've noticed that practitioners in our area don't cooperate with each other. Everyone operates on their own.” I felt that this was so true. However, another practitioner said, “It is obvious looking outward. What is cooperation? It is when something comes up, we all accommodate it. Should we call it uncooperative when others don't help or support us?” Wow, I realized that I took myself too seriously. I should let go of the attachment of whether others support me or not. I should just try my best in doing everything. Subsequently, no additional conflicts surfaced. The truth clarification money I printed was very delicate and beautiful, and practitioners liked it very much. One day, I came across something which completely changed my mind. When I purchased a bus ticket, the conductor returned change of one yuan – which was truth-clarification money. The money was very old and something I wouldn't use. The slogan on it was “Heaven eliminates the CCP, Quit the CCP to safeguard your future.” The ink was blue-black, and the message seemed to float above the paper. A non-practitioner on the bus wanted to exchange for this one yuan. She took my “old and indelicate” piece, folded it carefully, then put it into her purse. I understood what Master said,
“Validate the Fa with rationality, clarify the truth with wisdom, spread the Fa and save people with mercy—this is establishing the mighty virtue of an Enlightened Being.” (“Rationality” from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
As long as I saved sentient beings wholeheartedly, they would know. If my heart wasn't in it, then sentient beings would not acknowledge it - no matter how pretty and delicate the piece I made.
3. Master's Tender Protection at Every Moment Along the Cultivation Path
My celestial vision was not open in the past. Before the persecution I could only see Master's fashen vaguely. After I returned to Dafa again, I had two episodes of illness karma. The first time, Master enlightened me in the form of a dream, and later opened my celestial eye to intensify my righteous thoughts.
The first time I had a severe, high fever, and could not even read the Fa. The first night I saw Master in a dream - His size was enormous. I couldn't see Master's entire body except for two hands. A few fellow practitioners, who had also had tests that they hadn't passed well, were with me, and we were standing on Master's hand. When I awoke the next day, I realized that Master tried to let us know that he was around us at every moment protecting us. The next night, I dreamed of two small demons attempting to drag me down into hell. I suddenly remembered what Master mentioned - when we run into trouble, we could call out to Him for help. I immediately shouted, “Master! Help me!” Master's hand appeared, and with just his finger, the two demons fell into hell.
Another time I was attached to sentimentality. I developed illness karma and needed surgery. When I was lying in the operating room before the surgery, I suddenly saw Master looking at me and crying. I also began to cry, and knew that I was wrong. Afterwards, Master opened my celestial eye during one of my sending righteous thoughts sessions. I saw a narrow silver path in the sky. Every so often you would see a small crossroad, one side towards the silver path, and the other side was where we came from. The path rose up and down. When it reached the end, it went up into the sky and you could see the path touch the sky. I could not see the final destination. I realized that Master was enlightening me: The cultivation path is very narrow, and one must walk a righteous path in order to make it. During our cultivation, we will naturally have ups and downs. Our cultivation state will be good or bad, which is normal, and the tests are just like those small crossroads. One has to be aligned with the Fa in order to reach the final path - then truly return to his or her heavenly world.
Every true Dafa practitioner has experienced Master's protection during their cultivation. We have nothing to repay Master with. We can only cultivate diligently, do the three things well, save more sentient beings, and not let Master down.
4. Dafa's Power
I had the cassette tapes of Master's Jinan lectures before the persecution. One tape seemed stuck, and repeated itself every three to four minutes. How could I listen again? One day, I very much wanted to listen to the Fa, so I kept listening. After the tape repeated seven times, it returned to normal and played through. Another time, I wanted to print Master's scriptures after the persecution began, so I borrowed a computer and printer, then began printing. After I finished, I noticed that I had missed one book, so I set up the printer again. However, the computer indicated that there was no ink, and the printer showed an error, but I continued clicking “print,” and after four times, it began to print! After I finished, the paper looked perfect and the ink cartridge only had a drop of ink left. It was amazing, that a printer without ink could print a book!
Another time, my printer was malfunctioning so I was quite worried and couldn't sleep that night, thinking about what to do. I remembered that there was basic information about materials centers on the Minghui website, so I accessed the website. The very first information I saw was exactly what I needed. I followed the instructions and fixed my printer. The next day, I searched the information again, but the information I got the night before wasn't there. I realized that Master helped me the day before.
Writing experience sharing is also a process of improvement. I thought that I had passed some tests well, but when I wrote about them, I could still recognize my human heart and attachments. I am very happy to participate in the online Fa conference. I learned a great deal through experience sharing.
Thank you Master, for this opportunity for mainland Dafa practitioners online experience sharing each year. Thank you fellow practitioners who share their experiences with us.
Please kindly point out any shortcomings.
Thank you Master, for your compassionate salvation!
Heshi
