(Minghui.org)
Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
Although I have experienced many tribulations on my path of helping Master to rectify the Fa, I have endured with a firm belief in Dafa. Recalling the past year, although not many significant things happened, I still gained a lot. I feel I truly cultivated myself and passed some xinxing tests and can confidently save sentient beings.
1. Put Fa-Study First
Master said:
“The regions that have done well saving sentient beings and validating Dafa, and where great changes have transpired, are always places where people have studied the Fa well. And the Dafa disciples who have improved quickly are always those who have made Fa-study a priority. That is because the Fa is the foundation; it is what's fundamental for Dafa disciples; it is what ensures everything; and it is the avenue by which a human being journeys toward godhood. Thus I would like to take the opportunity of this Fa conference in Australia to tell all Dafa disciples around the world: Whether you are a new or veteran student, all the same you must not neglect Fa-study on account of being busy. Don't just go through the motions when you study the Fa. You should study with a concentrated mind, and you must really be studying.” (“To the Australia Fa Conference”)
I have fallen many times. The fundamental reason was always that I did not study the Fa well and did not pay attention to Fa study. Although before the persecution started, I read Dafa books every day, I actually only went through the formality. Frankly, I did not know how to study the Fa well at that time. I read the books and knew the Fa principles other practitioners mentioned, but as soon as I put the books down, my mind was full of human notions and I could not clearly recognize my true self.
In 2010, after taking a big detour, I made up my mind to study the Fa well and not just go through the motions. At that time, my employer assigned me a so-so job with wages that just barely covered my cost of living. I followed Master's teachings and let go of my attachment and just focused on studying the Fa. When there was no one at work, I just recited the Fa. Every day I could recite the Fa for four to five hours. The more I recited, the happier I felt, and my heart was full of confidence. I am confident that my future cultivation will be better and better with Dafa's guidance.
After a year, I questioned my job and my employer assigned me a more reasonable position. Everyday people find it unimaginable, but I knew that compassionate Master helped me and gave me another chance to do things well again. I often thought, especially when my attachment to fame and self-interest showed themselves, that my life was given to me by Master. Otherwise I would have already been destroyed. The purpose of my life now is to assimilate to Dafa and to save sentient beings, not to enjoy everyday people's things. I often remind myself of this.
Last year during the Chinese New Year, I went to my mother-in-law's home with my family members to celebrate. (In order to clarify the truth, we went there every New Year). My husband is the youngest of four brothers and sisters. His siblings are all middle and upper class and their finances are much better than ours. Since they were afraid of the evil CCP, even though they helped us at our most difficult time, they also blamed us for causing the family pain and always had disagreements with us, so we always had a hard time clarifying the truth to them. Moreover, I did not pass the xinxing test well. Especially when I was at my in-laws' home and saw how well they treated my husband and how happy the whole family was to be together. Last year, we went back to my in-laws' home again. This time, my mother-in-law mentioned how her other children had high incomes and good family situations. I thought that was unfair, and all kinds of human notions came to my mind, such as jealousy, the competitive mentality, and inferiority. Those bad thoughts upset me. I knew I was wrong, and I needed to suppress those thoughts, but sometimes I couldn't.
One day, I had a conflict with my mother-in-law and my husband sided with her to blame me. The atmosphere became very tense. If this had happened in the past, we certainly wouldn't have had a good New Year, and everyone would have left unhappy. But I was clear in my mind that I came to save them and that I could not have conflicts with them. I knew that if I did not change my mind and get rid of the bad thoughts, the situation wouldn't improve. I tried to do more housework to fulfill my duties, as well as study the Fa with focused mind.
Maybe it was because I had the desire to change that I studied “Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference in Australia” and read that Master said:
“So, regardless of the setting or circumstances in which you run into problems, you must maintain a compassionate and merciful heart in handling everything. If you cannot love your enemy, then you cannot reach Consummation. (Applause) Then why is it that when an ordinary person angers you, you cannot forgive him?!” (“Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference in Australia”)
I was shocked and my mind became clear. I had found my problem. When I had conflicts with others, I did not “maintain a compassionate and merciful heart” but always thought bad things about them and assumed they must think badly of me and say bad words about me, too. When I truly found my attachment, suddenly my mother-in-law treated me nicely and it was like nothing bad had ever happened between us.
When I stayed at my mother-in-law's home for the New Year, I studied Master's lectures from before 1999. I truly felt that Master already talked about what might happen after 1999 and how we should treat things and improve our xinxing. But why was I still taking a big detour? It was because I did not study the Fa well. Therefore I paid more attention to studying the Fa.
I now study the Fa diligently. Every day I attend group study as well as recite the Fa by myself. In the beginning, I only recited a few paragraphs. Later I could recite a few pages. Every day when I study the Fa with a calm mind, I have new understandings. While either reading the Fa or reciting the Fa, I often suddenly understand what Master means. As long as I study the Fa with a calm mind, I have moments like this every day. I read an article on the Minghui website saying that every sentence of Master's enabled the author to understand a Fa-principle. I also have the same feeling and it is really great.
2. Truly Cultivate Myself in the Home Environment
My family members are all practitioners, so we don't have any disagreements regarding doing the three things well, but we still have a lot of conflicts at home. Before, I did not pay attention to cultivating myself and valued my own feelings too much. I had many big conflicts with my husband regarding our children, parents, and in-laws. We argued frequently.
I had a strong attachment to feelings. My husband discriminated against people and found it easy to look down on others. It happened that the people he looked down on were my parents and the children. My parents were against Dafa ever since I acquired the Fa. My dad was a Party secretary. My mom is not a Party member, but she was very familiar with the Party culture and was very comfortable with it. According to my husband, my mom had the typical evil CCP thinking. No matter how we clarified the truth to them and told them how we cultivated Dafa to be good people, they did not believe us and said we were fools. They also said my husband had ulterior motives. Over ten years passed, and we lost all hope of saving them. At the same time, my husband could not understand my mom's snobbish thinking and really looked down on her.
Relatively speaking, my in-laws are much better. They acknowledge Dafa and truly know that the CCP is evil. My husband differentiates between our two families. This upset me. In the beginning, I endured it and did not say anything. After a while, since I did not truly cultivate myself within the Fa, I could not endure it anymore. I started to complain and criticize my husband. My husband could not endure it either and got angry at me. He said I could not tell the right from wrong. We all looked outward and blamed others. We refused to compromise and argued a lot. The problems could not be resolved and stood in the way of our improvement during cultivation. It also gave the evil an excuse to take advantage of us and interfere with us.
For the past two years, my husband and I both noticed that every time we had an argument regarding our children or our parents, the security section of our workplace or the residence committee members came to talk to us. We each understood that, since we did not do well according to Dafa's requirements, the evil took the advantage of that and controlled everyday people to interfere with us. It was our own problem. Fortunately, we could realize the root cause of the problems and paid attention to studying the Fa. We started looking inward. In the group Fa study, we talked frankly about our attachments and did not avoid any contradictions. We thought over our problems calmly. My husband pointed out that I was too attached to family affection and could not tolerate any disagreement regarding my children or parents. I thought he was right and that I did think like that. I was too concerned with how others evaluated my parents and children and I did not want others to say anything bad about them, even though I knew that they did not do certain things well. My attachment was so strong that the practitioners in the Fa study group could not point it out to me since they were afraid that I would be unhappy if I heard it. I felt that it was time for me to truly give up the attachment of sentimentality.
Master said,
“Since a person’s true being is his master soul, only the mother who gave birth to your master soul is your real mother. In your cycle of rebirth, if you want to count the mothers that are human and nonhuman, they’re just countless. And how many children have you had over all those lifetimes? They’re countless, too. Who is your mother? Who are your children? When you take your last breath no one recognizes anyone, and you still have to pay back the karma you owe. People just can’t let go of these things when they’re lost in delusion.” (The Sixth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I am a Dafa practitioner and I know the Fa principles. I should not be attached to human feelings and the small things in front of me. The predestined relationships of parents and children for this life are all because of the Fa. If we can acquire the Fa and cultivate within the Fa, it will be the best thing. We should treat our relatives with compassion, just like we treat all other sentient beings. Maybe some were our parents or children in previous lifetimes. We should not differentiate and should not focus on this so much that we are interfered with by our human notions. A being honed by the Fa is a god and should not be affected by feelings within the Three Realms. I finally let go of the resentment towards my husband, my jealousy of his family, and the sentimentality towards my parents and my eagerness to change their minds.
When I passed the test in the home environment, it also reflected many of my attachments, such as the attachment to self-interest, the competitive mentality, jealousy and the attachment of feeling inferior. I realized these things while studying the Fa, and I tried my best to get rid of them one by one. My body became light only when I cultivated myself to get rid of the attachments.
3. Passing Out Shen Yun Performance DVDs Face to Face
When the Shen Yun DVDs were released in 2011, I tried to pass them out to people on the street, but only very few would take them. They were all very apprehensive. When this year's Shen Yun DVDs were released, practitioners shared their experiences on the Minghui website that we should hand out them out face to face. This is also to keep up with Master's Fa-rectification progress.
Master said,
“Actually, when Master wants something done a certain way, it’s not simply that he thought of something and then that’s it. I have to do a tremendous amount of preparation, which you cannot see, and all of those gods work on it too. Everything has been prepared, and all that’s missing is for you to carry it out.” (“Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa - Fa Teaching Given at the 2011 Washington DC Metro Area Fa Conference”)
I understood that we were required to hand out the DVDs in peson. Everything must already be prepared. I made up my mind to do this well and give the DVDs to the predestined people.
When I first started, I felt that it was hard to talk to people. First, I was fearful and was afraid that others would not accept it. Then I started to send forth righteous thoughts and eliminate all the unrighteous factors that prevented people from being saved. After I started to talk to a few people about the DVDs, I no longer had the fear or the worry. Whether the person accepted the DVD or not, I kept looking for the next person to hand one to. It was very natural. I just tried my best to tell people how precious the DVDs were and I had the righteous thought in my mind to save the sentient beings. Soon I had passed out a dozen.
I truly felt that this year was different than last year. The more that I passed out the Shen Yun DVDs face to face, the more I felt that people could accept it. Young or old, there were always people who would gladly accept it.
Some practitioners said that every DVD that was handed out had a story. I truly felt the same way. When we passed out the DVDs in person, everyone responded differently. I told them that this was the overseas Chinese people's international performance to show 5,000 years of our traditional Chinese culture, that it was a first class performance and had toured around the world giving several hundred performances, and that soon they would come to Mainland China to perform. I told them that we were promoting the performance this year, that the DVD was a gift, and that it would be really unfortunate to miss.
After I said this, some who originally had a cold expression smiled. They thanked me repeatedly. Some started to discuss the traditional Chinese culture and said they were very interested in it. They also asked for my contact information and asked me to notify them when the new Shen Yun DVD was released. Some people did not trust me initially and asked many questions. One woman asked why I passed it out for free and whether the performance was really that good. I said that it was wonderful, that it was staged 37 times in Taiwan within a month and 13 times in Korea. I told her that she should take a look and see if it was really that good since many people noticed their mood improve and their body become healthy after watching it. After I answered many of her questions, she accepted a DVD and thanked me. When I walked up to others to pass them out, she was still waving her thanks.
Some people suggested that I go to the dancing site in the park in the morning and at night to pass the DVDs out since many people there liked art and culture. I thought that was a good idea, so I went in the morning. I really met a lot of predestined people. A woman over 50 was playing the Erhu. I told her the DVD also included an Erhu performance and that she would like it. Then a man who played table-tennis walked up to me. When he heard it was a Shen Yun DVD, he said, “I've heard of it.” Then he took one. Later, everyone at the morning exercise site took one. Two of them even took two and said they would give them to their children. When I was about to leave, the man who took the DVD first told me quietly, “I know. This is Falun Gong's performance.” I smiled and gave him a thumbs up.
In the beginning, I took ten DVDs with me. Then I took 40, which fully filled the bag. It usually took a little over two hours to finish handing them out.
The process of passing the Shen Yun performance DVDs is also a process of cultivating myself, especially getting rid of fear. Although I did not think my fear was strong, while passing them out I still often had the thought that someone was watching me and would report me. For certain I still needed to pay attention to safety. Usually I did not stay in one place for too long. I usually passed out five to ten DVDs in one place and then moved on. I frequently changed places and did not follow any pattern and usually did not distribute the DVDs to crowds.
I found that when there was a crowd, they usually did not pay attention to what I said. When there were fewer people, they would stop and listen to me, so the effect was better. When I went out to distribute the DVDs, I sent forth righteous thoughts on the way there. When I arrived at a place, I first eliminated the evil factors in the area. When I saw someone, I first eliminated the evil factors behind them, and then started to talk to them.
Since I still had fear, there were tests that helped me get rid of my fear. Someone accepted the DVD and asked if it was Falun Gong-related. I did not answer directly and just said it was a performance of traditional Chinese culture. The person had nothing else to say. Once a person said if it had Falun Gong content, she wouldn't take it. I felt that she had evil thoughts, but I did not clarify the truth to her since I had fear. Afterward, I was very regretful. I thought that, although she accepted the DVD, if she found there was content related to Falun Gong and threw it away or destroyed it, I not only did not save her, but also allowed her to do bad things. The DVD is precious. If someone does not want to watch it, we should not force them. Why couldn't I righteously clarify the truth about Falun Gong to them? I realized that I needed to get rid of the fear. Later when someone asked again, I said that Falun Gong was good. They then understood.
Once I gave the DVDs to a mother and her 20-year-old son while they were waiting for a bus. I told them about Shen Yun and the son asked whether it was related to Falun Gong. I looked into his eyes and said it was Falun Gong practitioners' performance. He appeared helpless and wanted to return the DVD. His mother immediately stopped him and said to him, “Take it. Take it.” I understood that the evil was testing me. When I told them it was related Falun Gong, they took the DVD instead. It was not that before I was afraid that people won't accept the DVDs if I mentioned Falun Gong, it was actually my fear trying to find an excuse.
Once I did not do well. In the morning I went out and saw a group of 15 to 16 people over 50 years old doing the fan dance. I walked over to them and suddenly had the thought, “What if they ask if it is Falun Gong-related?” I thought there were too many people and I was hesitant. I also wanted to pass out more DVDs, so I decided to just say it was a traditional cultural performance. I actually confused saving people with simply doing things. I also had the attachment of validating myself and the selfishness and fear of protecting myself. I told the lead dancer, “Sorry to interrupt you. I have some gifts. It is for...” The lead dancer immediately took one and it looked as though she liked it. Then others came over. When they heard it was a gift, they asked for one and everyone took one. Then someone asked me if it was Falun Gong-related. I just followed what I decided to do before and told her it was a traditional cultural performance. Since I did not answer her directly, she said it must be Falun Gong-related and that she would not take it. I smiled, “It is totally voluntary whether you watch it or not.” Then a few people that were influenced by her also returned the DVDs. They also kept asking why I did not answer and asked others to return the DVDs to me. Then I started to send forth righteous thoughts. The lead dancer said, “I want to see what the performance is like.” I was very happy to hear that and remembered what other practitioners had said during their experience sharing and said, “Yes, please take a look at the dances first, instead of looking at who performed it. You can decide whether it is good or not after you finish watching it.” Then I walked away while sending forth righteous thoughts. Afterward I shared my experience with fellow practitioners. I realized that this was still to test my fear. I always wanted to avoid the topic of Falun Gong. How could I then be righteous? I realized I needed to improve in this regard.
Actually, many people already knew about the Shen Yun DVDs. One morning I saw two well-dressed middle-aged women talking in front of a community district. I walked up to them and told them about Shen Yun. One woman said, “I know about it.” Then she told the other woman, “I will tell you later.” They took the DVDs and walked away still taking. I was happy that they must have heard about Shen Yun before. Master let them have the chance to watch the performance and to be saved.
4. Cultivate to Get Rid of the Attachment of Selfishness While Cooperating with Practitioners
There are a total of five practitioners in our Fa study group, which includes three people from my family and another couple. We've studied the Fa together and cooperated in doing the three things for over ten years. We've had conflicts and even taken some detours during those years, but our minds are all within the Fa and we all think of how to cultivate ourselves better and help Master to rectify the Fa. We've cooperated with each other on truth-clarifying efforts, and each of us also took on different truth-clarifying projects based on our different abilities.
We are one body. Within the one body, we often run into tests to improve our xinxing. The most prominent conflict was that my husband and I always had disagreements about how the other couple behaved and always felt they were wrong. When we shared experiences, we criticized and complained. The atmosphere was not good, and they could not accept the criticism. Finally the conflicts got worse and we all just did whatever we wanted to do no matter what the other side said. Fortunately we had already made improvements and everyone could look inward when conflicts arose. We are now more and more focused on how to cooperate well and the contradictions have gotten smaller and smaller.
One thing that happened recently allowed me to have a clear understanding of my attachment while cooperating with practitioners. The other couple has a relative who is also a practitioner. Her body started to weaken rapidly about two years ago. In the beginning, she thought it was a natural condition. Later she lost 10 to 15 kilograms (she weighed over 65 kg before), her health worsened, and she could not eat or sleep. In June of last year, her legs started to swell. Within just a month, her legs were as thick as her waist. Her family members got scared and took her to the hospital. She was diagnosed with the most incurable type of lung cancer. She went home after they extracted the fluid from her lungs. Soon after that, they found she had a bacterial tumor in her brain. She had a craniotomy to have the tumor removed.
The practitioner couple always stood by her, took care of her, and encouraged her with righteous thoughts. We also communicated with her regarding how to look inward. She also found many of her attachments. Later, she returned home from the hospital. The local practitioners visited her from time to time and formed a Fa study group with her. But during the entire process, both we and the other couple used human notions to consider the status of the practitioner in her tribulations. We even had arguments regarding her status. In the end, we were the worst—we accused them. The practitioner also had human notions of differentiation. She felt she could accept what we said, but not the other couple. We all hoped she would get better soon, so we all stuck to our own point of view and accused the other side of being wrong and having attachments. The more anxious we became, the more we looked at each others' attachments.
Within a year, our status of looking outward basically did not change. In July of this year, the couple's relative suddenly had severe pain in her abdomen. Her relatives (not practitioners) had to take her to the hospital once again. It was a gallstone, and she had her gallbladder removed. After the surgery, the doctor told them the cancer had already spread to other organs in her abdominal cavity. Her family members became very anxious and asked that she undergo chemotherapy. The hospital did not agree, saying that she could not withstand such therapy. After having her gallbladder removed, the practitioner had more pain in her abdomen and the hospital injected her with painkillers once a day to fight to control it.
When we saw her status, we discussed it and decided to read the Fa in the hospital for her in turn. When we went there, we found the environment unsuitable. Then the local practitioners in her area had to leave one by one due to all kinds of things at home. Very few practitioners were able to keep visiting her. Later we heard that the hospital had to give her painkilling injections twice a day. The practitioner also asked for our help through her family members to send forth righteous thoughts. We then quickly gathered and sent forth righteous thoughts.
When I looked inward, I truly saw my attachment of validating myself through helping the practitioner. I criticized one practitioner through another practitioner's mouth. When my opinion was not accepted by the fellow practitioner, I complained. I blamed others and did not think that I played a bad role. My attachment of only wanting to change others instead of myself was very strong. I did not help the practitioner but, instead, I wanted to use the practitioner to achieve my goal of validating myself. The worse the practitioner's situation became, the more anxious I became. But the real anxiety was that my help did not have any effect. Master said,
“And once you got attached you’d get anxious when you couldn’t heal people. You know what some people are even thinking when they treat people, trying to protect their reputation? 'Let me get his illness so that he can be healed.' That’s not out of compassion. He hasn’t gotten rid of his attachments to reputation and personal gain one bit, and no compassion is about to come out. He’s afraid of losing his reputation, and he’d even rather get the illness himself than lose face. He’s that attached to his reputation!” (The Second Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I looked inward as well as sent forth righteous thoughts. Then I read a practitioner's experience sharing online. The article said that when helping a practitioner who was having tribulations by sending forth righteous thoughts, everyone should just focus on sending forth righteous thoughts and not look for the practitioner's shortcomings or for results. We should just focus on sending forth righteous thoughts with our pure minds and keep eliminating the unrighteous thoughts. The sharing enlightened me. I calmed down and did not think too much, just about sending forth righteous thoughts with a pure mind to completely deny the old forces' persecution of the practitioner.
A week later, news came that the practitioner had greatly improved. Her pain was relieved and her main consciousness was stronger. At that time, I realized that strong attachments, such as to validating myself, not looking inward during confrontations, not trusting other practitioners, and a competitive mentality, had caused the evil to attack the practitioner's body. Since we had all found our attachments and the practitioner was able truly look inward during the tribulation, Master dissolved the practitioner's tribulation. This time I witnessed a situation that everyday people could not imagine—how a practitioner could survive a tribulation. We truly cultivated ourselves and the tribulation was dissolved.
I constantly cultivate myself during confrontations with fellow practitioners. I understand that every practitioner's path of cultivation is different. Dafa contains all the paths of countless great gods in the universe. Everyone has different attachments, different characteristics, and different paths that Master has arranged. I cannot use my standards to measure others. I cannot simply think that others do not conform to the Fa.. This is narrow thinking. Master taught us the Fa requirement:
“Dafa disciples should handle everything positively. Don't look at the negative side of other people. You should always look at their positive side.”
“Look more at the positives in others and less at the negatives.” (“Fa-Lecture During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference”)
Practitioners who walk on the path of cultivation will have their attachments exposed, which is normal. As a practitioner, we should trust that he/she can get rid of the attachments based on studying the Fa well, instead of criticizing the practitioner or even denying the practitioner's cultivation in life and work. This is my understanding of the Dafa principle of “a great way without form.”
I understand that, when we see the practitioner's attachment, we can give well-intentioned advice, but it will be wrong if we add our human notions of measuring right and wrong. It is also easily taken advantage of by the old forces to interfere with the practitioner. It can also easily lead the practitioner to have objections. I also realize that, no matter what the situation, we cannot attack others or use abusive language. It is actually an insult and is very dangerous. It is the expression of the evil Party culture. The Party uses “ruining their reputations” to persecute our practitioners. As soon as we have this kind of thought, we should be alert, since it could be easily used by the old forces.
Master said,
“Our discipline focuses directly on your mind. When something is at stake, or when you’re having problems with somebody, whether you can take those things lightly, that’s the key.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I realized that I focused on the conflicts between practitioners too much. A lot of problems among practitioners were caused by everyday people's things and were reflected by our human notions. However, the tribulations were arranged by Master to help us get rid of our attachments. It is a good thing and is an opportunity for us to improve. It is fundamentally different from everyday people's tribulations. Their tribulations are just the retribution of their karma. Many times I could not realize this and confused practitioners' conflicts with everyday people's tribulations. I used human notions to guess and resent and was trapped in contradictions. At that time, I really became an everyday people who was attached to the personal gain and loss among human beings. It also reflected that I had a strong mentality of competitiveness, distrust of others, jealousy, and fundamentally pure selfishness. I always wanted to get more benefits than others and lose less.
There are many aspects of my cultivations that I need to improve, and I still have many shortcomings. I hope that all Dafa practitioners can cultivate diligently together, closely follow Master's Fa-rectification progress, save more sentient beings, achieve consummation, and follow Master home.
Thank you, fellow practitioners. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
