(Minghui.org) I started to practice Falun Dafa in 1996. I have been a steadfast Falun Dafa practitioner and haven't wavered in my belief. In the hopes of encouraging fellow practitioners to practice Falun Dafa diligently, I want to share my test of life and death.
A Difficult Life Due to Persecution
In 2001, I was illegally arrested and fined. The police monitored and harassed me from time to time. We were in dire straights and couldn't afford tuition or living expenses for our child's school. My husband was working out of town and my 80-year-old father stayed with us. It was up to me to cook, feed the livestock and take care of the fields. My husband took the 40 yuan we had for the cost of his transportation. It was a very difficult time.
Practitioners in our area suffered a lot since July 20, 1999, when the persecution began. At that time, three practitioners were illegally arrested and taken to Masanjia Labor Camp. Between 2001 and 2003, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) officials fined me about 6,000 yuan. It was a hard time. I had no money and lived on borrowed rice.
Growth on Back Turns into Life and Death Test
One day in the fall of 2003, I was picking corn in the field and felt a little pain and my back itched. I scratched it a little. Then after a while I noticed a small abnormal growth the size of an apricot pit on my upper back, which hurt when I scratched it. I didn't pay much attention and went back to the field the next day. Two days later, I was in bad shape and had to stay at home. Although I studied Zhuan Falun every day, the mass on my back kept growing bigger. This happened during the time when the persecution of Falun Gong was at its height.
The growth on my back grew larger daily. After ten days, it had reached the size of a steamed bun. My back turned blue and purple and I was in excruciating pain, unable to sit or lie down. I could only practice the sitting meditation exercise. I meditated for an hour around midnight and then slept for a while. Then, I meditated for another hour later that night and then tried to rest. I studied the Fa when I could sit. After two weeks the growth looked like a honey comb.
This growth was considered to be a fatal disease and is either a male of female growth. The mass on my back was female. There were three small masses on my left shoulder, three on my lower left shoulder, three on my lower right shoulder and one on my neck. Another month passed, and the bone was exposed and I ran a fever.
All my friends and relatives had found out about my illness. They said that I was waiting for my death because of not going to the hospital. I was monitored continuously by the authorities and even the police inspector knew what was happening. One day he called and said, “I heard that you were ill?” I responded, “No, I am fine.” He said, “OK. I won’t come to arrest you, but we went to other people’s houses.” I told him, “You can’t come to my house, and you can’t go to others’ either. You are doing the wrong thing. Falun Dafa is a precious practice. You will be punished if you persecute good people.”
My cousin-in-law was trying to get my husband to return home. I advised them that I'd asked him to not come back and that he was aware of my situation. He was also worried about my not going to the hospital, but I had told him, “You don’t need to worry. I won’t die. I am a practitioner. Master is watching over me. I will be fine.”
Trusting Master and the Power of the Fa
I was certain of one thing: despite the mass on my back, I would believe in Falun Dafa and in Master. No matter who tried to persuade me, I wouldn't change my mind. Instead, I told them the facts about Falun Dafa. I told them about the preciousness of Falun Dafa, how I became healthy after beginning the practice, and much more. The people who came to me said, “We came here to persuade you to go to the hospital, instead you persuaded us about the facts of Falun Dafa.”
I knew that I must practice as before. I must believe in Dafa and Master. I must hold firm righteous thoughts and live by Dafa's principles, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. I will pass this tribulation. I memorized Master's poems:
“Reaching Consummation, obtaining Buddha’s Fruit,
Eating bitterness treated as joy.
Toiling the body does not count as bitterness,
Cultivating the heart is most agonizing.
Each and every barrier must be broken through,
Here and there, demons are everywhere.
A hundred hardships falling all at once,
See how one lives.
Able to endure suffering in the world,
Transcending the world, is a Buddha.”
(“Tempering One's Heart and Will” from Hong Yin, translation version B)
“Live with no pursuit,
Die not caring about staying;
Clear out all wild thoughts,
Cultivating to a Buddha is not hard.”
(“Nonexistence” from Hong Yin, translation version B)
My father is also a practitioner. No matter how tired he might be, he insists on doing the exercises and reading Master's books. He never complains. He said, “You can ask Master for help.” “No, I don’t need to. Master is watching over me to see whether I can pass the test of life and death. If I ask for help, that means that I don’t want to suffer and I'm asking Master to suffer. The cerebral arteriosclerosis and all other illnesses you used to have couldn’t be cured by taking medication. But all your illnesses were cured as soon as you started practicing Falun Dafa. Wasn’t it because of Master’s care? It will pass if I keep firm my righteous thoughts. Why are you scared? I won’t die. I will be fine.”
One night at 2 a.m., I felt very uncomfortable, could neither lie down nor sit and suddenly I stopped breathing for a moment. At that time, I heard somebody call, “Sister, sister, how are you?” I realized that my sister was calling me because she had noticed that I was in death's grip. I said, “Fine. Don’t worry. I will be fine.”
The next day the same thing happened, but I returned back to life. I knew it was Master who saved me. At that time, I looked within and asked myself why I was in this condition. Was it karma? Was it arranged by Master? Or was it the persecution from the old forces? I didn't quite understand the different scenarios, such as persecution by the evil in other dimensions, the old forces' arrangement or a result of my karma.
One day when I was lying in bed, I saw a ghost on my back. I said, “No wonder I'm suffering like this. You are such a bad thing.” Then I woke up and understood that it was persecution by the evil and the old forces. So, I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it. But, nothing happened.
Tested for Steadfastness
My brothers visited me. My third younger brother said, “You have been like this for a long time. How can you survive without medical treatment?” Then, five people tried to carry me to the hospital. My brother said, “I won't listen to you this time. We will take you to the hospital.” I responded, “Who dares to move me? It’s my decision. Anyone who doesn’t listen must take the responsibility … I know I won’t die.” They stopped. After a while, one of my brothers said, “How about coming to my home? I have four rooms. You can pick any. We will cook for you and clean your back. Dad is old and has to cook for you and do all the chores. You don’t want to go to the hospital but you're tiring out father. How can you do this?” I thanked Master for this benevolent arrangement. I said, “I would love to. I was thinking about having my back cleaned. It’s dirty.”
They took me to my brother’s house. Seven or eight people helped me pour water, hold me and clean my back. I heard them whisper and I thought they were putting medicine on my back. I asked, “What are you doing?” They responded, “Nothing.” I questioned them, “Then why are you whispering?” They replied, “Nothing.” I said, “Please don’t use any medicine. It will be dangerous if you use medicine on my back.” They told me they did not use any medicine. They finally told me that they were using a blade to cut away the rotten flesh. They wanted to change to a new blade, but they were afraid that I would be scared if I heard that. I laughed when I heard this, “Why should I be scared? If I am scared, I would have died. Please go on and help me cut off all the bad parts. But please keep the good parts.” After half an hour, I was tired and said, “I have to take a rest now.” I felt comfortable and easy after I lay down.
From then on, my elder brother helped me clean my back three times a day. Although I felt comfortable this way, the flesh still festered. I kept on sending forth righteous thoughts, studying the Fa and doing the exercises. If somebody came to visit, I clarified the facts about Falun Dafa.
Thinking of Others First
My situation did not turn for the better. Another two months passed. It was the time of year that I had more than ten greenhouses of cucumbers waiting for my grafting. My brother asked me not to work. I said, “No, they are all waiting for me for the guidance of the technique. Who should they turn to if I don’t help them?” I thought that I must do what I should do with righteous thoughts and be strict with myself. I should think of others before thinking of myself. It’s not easy for people to raise cucumbers.
This was the critical time and I had to remain steadfast and not let Master down. I did not want to have regrets in the future. Thus, I helped with the grafting of the cucumbers. My brother was angry and worried, “Don’t you want to survive?” I replied, “I can only survive if I continue like this. If I stop, I won’t be able to survive.”
Looking Within Again
Why did sending forth righteous thoughts not work? I checked inside again for the reason. I found my loophole. My righteous thoughts were not pure. I was worried about doing the wrong thing if I didn’t pay back my karma, I might not want to suffer what was arranged by Master, or worried about being persecuted.
One morning when my brother was cleaning my back, he said, “How awful! Another strip of flesh turned black.” After I heard this, I was shocked. I said, “I will keep my flesh. I will not let it rot any more. It will stop there.” My brother would not believe it and laughed, “How can you decide? Will it stop if you say so?” “Yes, it will.”
Such a pure righteous thought worked. The next morning, my brother was surprised, “Wow, the flesh has turned pink again!” From then on, I could feel the growth of my flesh when I sent forth righteous thoughts every day.
Another two months passed by and I was getting better by the day. My friend said, “It’s so strange that your voice is so strong even with your back like that! You seem to have a lot of energy and you don’t look like a patient at all. How can you be this way?” I said, “It’s the power and extraordinariness of Falun Dafa.”
Stopping the Persecution of Local Practitioners
The police inspector called frequently to ask about my situation. I didn’t know whether he was faking his goodness, developing his conscience or was afraid of karmic retribution. He asked, “Are you doing ok? If you need to go to hospital, we can drive you there. If you need money, we can provide you with it. We can help you if nobody can help you.” I said, “I need nothing from you. I have Falun Dafa and Master. I need nothing else.” Then he said, “Take a good rest.” I said, “I will thank you if you don’t persecute practitioners.” Another time, he called and I told him that I hadn't gone to the hospital, but that I was cured because I practiced Falun Dafa. After this, the police inspector no longer persecuted local practitioners.
Falun Dafa Is Miraculous
After two months I looked emaciated. My brother blamed it on my not going to the hospital. “Look at yourself, you are so thin!” I said, “I can gain weight. If I say gain, I will gain.” I was strict, was not lazy and did not burden my family. I returned all the gifts from friends because I knew no one had an easy time. I thought about others first. I firmed up my righteous thoughts using the Fa taught by Master. I felt myself incomparably tall. In a dream, I was walking fast above people’s head. I knew it was Master's encouragement. I recovered very quickly. I gained 15 kg within two weeks. My cheeks were ruddy, glowing with health.
People that witnessed my recovery said, “You are awesome! I admire you.” I said, “It’s not me. It’s Dafa and Master. If Master were not there, I would have died.” Some said, “You cultivate successfully. You achieved this without taking any medicine.” My aunt said, “Practicing Falun Dafa is good.”
They talked a lot about me. Whenever I walked down the street, people looked at me. People were afraid of the disease. The brigade secretary died of the disease. The mass was very poisonous. My cousins-in-law's hands and wrists became infected when they washed my clothes. They had little masses on their hands and wrists and it took a long time to recover. My elder brother helped me clean my body every day. His face became infected. They all recovered and I was back to full health after six months.
Cultivation Is Serious
After this tribulation, I realized that cultivation practice is very serious. We must be firm in our belief in Master and the Fa, hold strong righteous thoughts and be strict with ourselves. We must not waver, and we must let go of any human thought or human heart, no matter what happens.
After passing such a difficult hurdle, Master encouraged me in a dream again. I was standing beside a bridge. One foot was on a brick and the other was dangling downwards. There was an abyss and a smooth road with trees on both sides up above. I thought, I can only go up, not down. So I stepped up.
During the past years, I tried my best to be strict with myself and live by the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. I keep clarifying the truth no matter where I go. Almost all the people in our village have heard the facts about Falun Dafa. Many have quit the CCP and its affiliate organizations.
The environment in my home turned for the better. My husband is no longer frightened of the persecution and supports me. He helps me a lot with the chores. Whenever it’s time for sending forth righteous thoughts, he will take charge of the chores. My son and his wife support me as well. Our economic condition has turned for the better. All of this is from Dafa and Master.
Thank you Master. Thank you fellow practitioners for your help.
