(Minghui.org)
Greetings, revered Master!
Greetings, fellow practitioners!
It's a great honor for me to report to Master and share with you all my cultivation experience at this grand gathering of Dafa disciples. Due to my limited level, please correct me if there’s anything improper.
Dafa has granted me wisdom and physical health. Since I was young, I have maintained an outstanding academic performance, and have very high prestige among my classmates because of my amiable personality. I was always full of energy. Even when there were heavy course loads in high school, I read Zhuan Falun after school. Whenever I studied Fa, I felt very calm and peaceful in my heart, and my mind was like water.
However, I couldn’t understand the persecution from the standpoint of the Fa. My fear of being expelled from school for my belief separated me further and further from cultivation. Sometimes I clarified the truth to my classmates and teachers, but they barely understood me. I felt very sad yet didn’t know what I should do. Society really is like a big dye vat. I felt I was gradually contaminated at college. I would only read the Fa during summer or winter vacation breaks back home or when I encountered tribulations that I could't resolve. I was buried in ordinary people’s daily trifles, wandering muddleheaded.
Master had been giving me hints in my dreams many times telling me to return back to Dafa, however, because of my poor enlightenment quality I was still lost in the human world. I always felt bitter and tired deep in my heart and oftentimes I shed tears in the middle of the night, yet I didn’t know what to do, or why.
I thank benevolent Master for not giving up on me and giving me another opportunity to return back to Dafa. In 2011, I came to the US for my master’s degree. Without the Internet censorship, now I could freely practice Dafa finally! I opened up the Falun Dafa website, and started to study Zhuan Falun and Master’s teachings. During those days I forgot about the time, I felt every word in Zhuan Falun was pointing at my heart. I read the Fa before I went to bed, when I woke up I continued. Whenever I finished my homework, I began studying the Fa. I felt my heart and soul was completely immersed in the boundless Buddha Fa, giving me great joy. I truly thank Master for giving me this opportunity once again. I will cherish the precious time and strive forward vigorously!
As a young Dafa disciple, I feel so lucky to get the opportunity to return to cultivation, under Teacher's benevolent care. I heard many stories from the practitioners around me about the trials and tribulations they experienced while validating the Fa over the years. I deeply feel that I have missed many lessons having strayed so much, and I regret that I wasted so many years amidst the dye vat. All I can do now is treasure every minute and work hard to catch up with others.
Compared to non-practitioners, I had thought of myself highly, as I don’t care about fame and profit as much as others. I had always been looking forward to practicing a traditional cultivation way like the Tao or Buddhism. I dreamed about cultivating in mountains or in temples when I was young. After I started cultivation for sometime, one day I had a thought like “this cultivation is so tiresome and difficult compared to cultivating in temples, how quiet and comfortable it would be if I were in a temple! Is this practice (Dafa) true or not?” At that time, I recalled Master’s teaching in Zhuan Falun :
“At a certain point in time, you will be made unable to discern clearly whether something is true, whether your gong exists, whether you can practice cultivation and make it, or whether there are Buddhas and if they are real. In the future, these situations will surface again to give you this false impression and make you feel as though they do not exist and are all false—it is to see whether you are determined.”
Then I knew it was a test for me, I maintained one thought in my heart: Only what Master taught me is true, and I made it through the confused state of mind in that period.
Then I started to ponder why this kind of thought or attachment emerged in my heart, till later when I was studying Zhuan Falun :
“In our school of practice, it is the Main Consciousness that obtains gong. Then, will the Main Consciousness obtain gong if you say so? Who gives permission? It is not like that, for there must be a prerequisite. Everyone knows that our school of practice does not shun ordinary human society in cultivation practice, and neither does it avoid or run away from conflicts. In this complex environment of everyday people, you should be clear-minded and knowingly lose in terms of interests. When your self-interest is taken by others, you will not go to compete and fight for it like others. With different xinxing interference, you will suffer losses. In this difficult environment, you will temper your will and upgrade your xinxing. Under the influence of different ill thoughts from everyday people, you will be able to reach above and beyond.”
I’ve read this part of the Fa many times before, but only this time did I begin to truly understand the meaning. I found I had been cultivating Dafa to avoid conflicts and trifles among ordinary people; I was not here for true cultivation. I felt very ashamed of myself. I always lacked the will to strive forward vigorously, and have been staying on the level of the average cultivator, not the highest type. I couldn’t treat myself strictly enough to be a true practitioner and couldn’t do well when confronting tribulations. It was all because of this attachment! It is because cultivating here among ordinary society can test one’s xinxing, whether one is a true practitioner or not. In this way, what I have thought as “small things” are no longer small things. Before I always thought that giving up life and death, hatred and love are the real tests, and I thought I did well. Actually I didn’t treat Dafa cultivation seriously enough, as I overlooked many opportunities to cultivate my xinxing.
Last year, when I graduated from school, my parents and my sister came here to visit me. My younger sister chose to stay with me in the US. At that time I was busy looking for a job. While arranging to send my sister to middle school, I felt great pressure with so many complicated procedures involved. During the procedure of going through the court and registering my sister in her school, there were lot of difficulties and tests, and I felt that Master was helping me at all times. It was like reaching a dead end many times, but I often had experiences like “After passing the shady willow trees, there will be bright flowers and another village ahead!” It was miraculous.
When I had just started my job, I had two total loss car accidents within a very short period of time. Thanks to Master’s protection, I was not hurt at all, but my cars were totally destroyed. I’m not from a wealthy family. Each accident was a huge shock to me. But no matter what happened, I still opened my computer and joined others for Fa study at night on the Internet, because I firmly believed that with Master and the Fa here with me I can definitely overcome the hardship.
After my second car accident, I decided to buy my third car in two weeks in order to commute to work and participate in Dafa activities. I asked a fellow practitioner to help with a test drive. I accepted the price the owner asked without bargaining with her. Knowing my situation, the owner helped me arrange a car inspection. At that time, life was so tough that I barely had enough money for living. Although I don’t spend money at will, I never had experienced living with so little money that I had to check my account balance every day. I had to calculate the timing of each payment very carefully. I was afraid my account balance would turn negative the next day. I had a contract job and my tiny salary could just make ends meet. Replacing the two destroyed cars cost me a great amount of money, and I had also spent a lot for tuition fees for my master’s program. I didn’t want to tell my parents, because they’re now on the opposite side of the earth and my father would be so worried about my sister and I once he learned this. I didn’t tell my parents that I had had two car accidents and had no money. The owner said this old car may have a big potential problem that will cost lots of money, but she can only know after an inspection. I thought she agreed to pay for that part, but I was wrong. After the car inspection, it came out that it needed to be fixed at great cost. With my careful calculation, I could just make ends meet if the owner paid for the repairs. Otherwise, I would have to borrow money from others. I called her and explained my difficult situation and said the price I paid her was a little high and I didn’t know the repairs would be so costly. However, she still refused to pay for the repairs.
All my grievances, sadness, stress and despair exploded that that moment. I started to cry loudly. The conversation with the owner was just an ignition point. I asked myself: “Do you hate her?” I self-answered, “No,” but I still couldn’t help my tears streaming down. At that moment, I remembered Master’s teaching in Essentials for Further Advancement that I was reciting the other day:
“The ancients said, 'Money is something external to this physical body.' Everyone knows it, yet everyone pursues it. A young man seeks it to satisfy his desires; a young woman wants it for glamour and luxury; an elderly person goes after it to take care of himself in his old age; a learned person desires it for his reputation; a public official fulfills his duty for it, and so on. Thus, everybody pursues it.” (From “Wealth with Virtue”)
Although I was so poor and in difficulty at this time, I still needed to give up my attachment to wealth. I needed to get rid of an attachment to wealth not only at times when I had adequate money. Isn’t the example of the practitioner giving away the apartment in Zhuan Falun the same thing? After all, isn’t all that I have granted by Master? Why don’t I give up everything, and turn myself over completely to the arrangement of Master? With the help of friends and fellow practitioners, I overcame the hardship from that time gradually.
I not only needed to go to work and study, but also needed to take care of my younger sister. We also participated in different Dafa projects and activities. Sometimes I felt tired and bitter, but I then changed my thinking quickly. I reminded myself that this is my way of cultivation. I have grown up with difficulties as well, so this difficulty is nothing for me.
Sometimes when my younger sister faced some tribulations at school, I would feel like I was sitting on pins and needles. At this time, I found myself attached to Qing, human sentimentality for family members. I treated my sister as my beloved sister not like a little disciple; I was worrying about her from a human perspective, not caring about her as a practitioner. I tried to look within myself while dealing with trifles in daily life. I found in myself so many attachments: impatience, imposing my own thinking on others and indifference. I realized that it is because of Qing that I took their kindness for granted and was acting with so much arrogance. I thought of myself too highly, and this had created a shell outside the real me. I needed to break it and no longer live within the fake me.
It was Master’s arrangement that I was assigned to study Digital Media Arts in my college, though I hadn't sign up for it. When I came overseas, I thought this is my opportunity to contribute my talents to validating the Fa through media projects. On this path of cultivation, I have discovered many attachments.
I have always been interested in traditional culture and fine arts. I have always liked listening to people lecturing and talking about these topics. I had some knowledge and professional skills in college in this field, whenever I hear people talking about this, I become very excited. However, this attachment also blocks my way in validating the Fa. I always want to spend more time on art projects, while for my current job and accounting major, I have no interest at all. My mom always reminds me that no matter what we do, our fundamental task is to save sentient beings. Yet those words pass by me like the idle air.
This so called 'interest' belongs to human sentimentality in my understanding. If I cannot guide myself by the Fa when doing things I cannot do well. At that time, if I didn’t choose Accounting myself, maybe that industry chose me, then I should look at things with the correct perspective, validating the Fa in this industry. What I like to do or not are all human attachments, and they all come from Qing. In my study of Accounting, I realized that a company is just like a life, it also has its “birth, old-age, illness and death” in operation. If a company can exist in this universe at this time, it must be here for something. If a Dafa disciple is arranged by Master to be in a company, there should be sentient beings there to be saved.
I was attached to my small amount of artistic skills before, but when in practice, I found I hardly knew anything. It was like the talent I had before disappeared; I thought maybe Master is trying to tell me to learn everything from the beginning and with great modesty. I thought it is like Qigong and cultivation in a higher level, the very limited knowledge I learned “in primary school” is far from enough in validating the Fa. If I hold firmly to my attachment, I will be at the level of ordinary people. Dafa disciples should improve their levels constantly, and Master will give us wisdom for validating the Fa and saving the sentient beings, and that is far beyond human interests. Thus, I must be more strict with myself in professional training, whenever I confront difficulties in learning, I will encourage myself with a righteous thought. With this thought, I will no longer be like an ordinary person who has only a brief period of enthusiasm and will start to improve in training. Before when I studied “Teaching the Fa at the Discussion on Writing Music and Creating Fine Art” I had the bad notion of learning some human knowledge from it. Now, I have new understandings in the Fa. What Dafa disciples create is very crucial. Dafa disciples are creating works under the guidance of the Fa principles, and those works with positive energy and compassion can uplift the morals of ordinary people, and will be saved for the people of the future. I felt that Master has very high requirements for us, so I should grow faster professionally. I didn’t dare to waste a moment.
In this process, I found I have strong attachments to fame, competition, showing-off and jealousy. Before I always thought that I took lightly fame and profit because I was not interested in obtaining high positions or high salaries. Actually, I found that my biggest attachment lies in the pursuit of recognition from others. Whenever I did a good job, I wanted to hear some good words from my boss, and show it off to him; whenever I performed badly, I had a strong attachment to competition, and felt jealousy when comparing my work with others'. Only if I can maintain a pure heart will I grow quicker in the profession.
Working in media projects is very strenuous, especially for Shen Yun reporting. Usually one can’t sleep for a whole night and has to ensure the quality of the writing. Neither can one slack off in Fa study and practice. Oftentimes after a whole night’s battle till 6 o'clock in the morning, I almost fell down when sending forth righteous thoughts. But when I turned my head, I found fellow practitioners could still sit so straight holding palms erect to eliminate the evil. I realized that I’m always the one who can’t be strict with myself, and the difference between the average and the highest type lies in this. I tell myself, “Don’t be afraid to endure hardship. You can no longer practice like the average person.”
Under the brutal persecution I faced when I lived in Mainland China, I couldn’t let go of my fear that is so deep and strong in my heart. I was always afraid that my classmates would discriminate against me and abuse me because I practiced Falun Gong. It was because of my fear that I could not step forward and it was because of my fear that I’ve missed so many lessons on my path of cultivation. I knew it was a great test I needed to pass. Since realizing this, I have been getting rid of my fear while telling people the truth about Falun Gong and saving sentient beings.
In China, people don't talk about Falun Gong and intentionally avoid this topic. Because of the propaganda of the evil CCP, some classmates even use this term to mock someone and speak sarcastically about someone. In my heart, I always felt that the Chinese people are unwilling to quit the CCP and they don't want to hear anything about Falun Gong. I even didn’t dare to tell my classmates that I practiced Falun Gong. One practitioner said that it’s better for us to clarify truth as an outsider; however, another other practitioner told me that we should practice with openness and dignity, we should definitely clarify the truth as a practitioner. I was still attached to the notion that I hadn't cultivated well, worrying that they couldn’t understand me, when I clarified the truth to my classmates. Thus, my efforts were not that effective. Master once taught in “Environment” (Essentials for Further Advancement) :
“Think about it: Even people's claim that they have evolved from apes is able to be highly regarded. Yet with this great Dafa of the universe, you are embarrassed to give it a correct position--this is human beings' true shame.”
Thinking about this, I was so ashamed of myself! I became firmly determined that I would eliminate the fear hidden deeply in my heart. Soon after deciding to overcome my fear, I was distributing fliers on the street. I overcame my fear of seeing my classmates. I met a professor from my school who warmly greeted me and praised me for my bravery. I found my roommate, talked to her about how wonderful Falun Dafa is, and told her I have been practicing Falun Dafa. She smiled and said she understood me. She’s not in a healthy state, and I suggested that she try the 5 sets of exercises of Falun Dafa. One day her mom came to our practice site with me and read Fa and practiced with us. When I openly announced to my classmates that I’m a Falun Dafa practitioner, I felt that the fear dissolved with no where to hide.
In my workplace outside China, Master has arranged opportunities for me to clarify the truth as well. I hang lotus flowers everywhere in my cubicle, and I can always switch the topic to Falun Gong, based on the news on TV. Whenever I need to ask for a leave for Dafa activities, I always clarify the truth to my supervisors. My colleagues said to me, “We know that it is because of your belief in Falun Gong that you have such a good attitude!” I meet Chinese colleagues from time to time, and now I never let go of an opportunity and tell them the truth about Dafa. I can’t miss the chance Master has arranged for me!
Whenever I’m standing on the street, in my daily life or working on a Dafa project, I always encounter people that come to me to hear the truth. I feel that it’s important not to look at their ranks, backgrounds or beliefs. No matter whether he/she is a senator, a professor, a Christian, or a wanderer on the street, with my pure heart to save the sentient beings, Master gives me the wisdom to communicate with them well. Master has opened doors for us, and what we need to step out of ourselves and to clarify the truth with righteous thoughts.
I’m very grateful that Master has given me this opportunity. I will cherish this opportunity and strive forward vigorously! Please kindly point out anything incorrect in my understanding.
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!