(Minghui.org) I have been thinking about writing this experience-sharing for a long time. A few years ago, I did not hold the right attitude towards the Minghui website, and I said things that undermined Minghui. What is worse is that some fellow practitioners also agreed with what I said. I know a few of those who were recently exposed for attacking the Minghui website. Even though I broke off contact with them long ago, I feel I should also take some responsibility for not doing anything positive to help when I noticed their problems at the time. In some cases, I even played a negative role. I have been feeling pretty bad about it all this time. It takes courage to expose one's own wrong conduct, and that's why it has taken me so long to write this sharing.
If one does not cleanse oneself after realizing he has done something wrong, the old forces will take advantage of the situation and create obstacles in his cultivation. Now, I would like to solemnly apologize to the Minghui website and ask for forgiveness. I completely deny any arrangements by the old forces. At the same time, I share with fellow practitioners my long and deeply regretted experience, in the hope of awakening other practitioners and to make up for the losses I have caused.
Starting in 2008, I got to know many practitioners on the Internet. Some practitioners were using QQ, an instant messaging program in China, to clarify the truth; so I joined a QQ group set up by some Falun Gong practitioners and started to share with them. Most of those in the group were practitioners. Occasionally, some non-practitioners also joined the group. When this happened practitioners would vie with each other in clarifying the truth to them. Soon these non-practitioners got bored and left. Sometimes there were also government spies online, who swore at practitioners. I stayed in the group for some time, but I did not see a single person quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its associated organizations. In fact, the group became one where practitioners gossiped about everyday life.
At that time, I was encountering some tribulations at home, and I had been isolated from the main cultivators for quite some time. I did not do any of the three things well. I thought that talking with other practitioners about my troubles and gaining understanding and comfort from fellow practitioners was normal sharing. I also felt that studying the Fa together helped me a lot; so for some time I became dependent on this environment.
However, the evil was also using this environment. Very often, spies and practitioners who had gone astray and developed crooked understandings would come to the group, trying to drag us down and destroy the cultivation environment. I thought I was very capable of identifying such people. While I was detained in a forced labor camp during the time when the persecution was most frenzied, as I was transferred to three labor camps, hundreds of secret agents or collaborators tried to transform me. Some of the latter were formerly veteran practitioners I once respected highly, or well-known people with high social status. But I always remained clear-headed. Because of my past experiences in the labor camps, I thought highly of myself.
I was often on guard against those who had gone astray and developed crooked understandings and those who had strong attachments to lust and desire, because I knew such people could do much damage to the cultivation body as a whole if not identified in time. Therefore, when such people came to the group, I immediately alerted others. At that time most practitioners could not distinguish, and even those who could see their problems thought we should help them with kindness. I suggested that we find a few practitioners who were solid in cultivation to help them on a one-to-one basis, because in the group there were also new practitioners and those who had just stepped forward. I thought that they may not be able to distinguish right from wrong and could easily follow a wrong way, because those who had gone astray or those controlled by the old forces were usually eloquent and good at arguing. Those who had not been directly persecuted did not realize the seriousness of cultivation and thought I was a bit over the top and trying to frighten people.
Not long after, our online environment started to become complex, with all kinds of attachments popping up. Someone introduced us to a person who was clarifying the truth on pornographic websites, and she encouraged everyone to do the same, saying that she had no attachment to lust. I strongly opposed this suggestion, saying that cultivation is a serious matter and we must not allow the demon of lust to damage our cultivation body. After some discussion, it was decided that a few practitioners would go with her and see how she talked to people on those websites. As it turned out she was just flirting with people to try to lure them into doing the “three withdrawals” (withdrawing from the CCP, the Communist Youth League, or the Young Pioneers).
Most practitioners were able to recognize from the basis of the Fa that this was a wrong approach, but they did not have the heart to clear her out. So I quit the group. Not long after this, things were turned into a mess by this person, and only then did the fellow practitioners realize what I said was right. Although the environment had been cleansed, some practitioners developed the attachment to lust. Later a few practitioners were illegally arrested, and the online group cultivation environment was completely destroyed.
So the practitioners moved from QQ to KK. I logged onto KK a few times and found a lot of non-practitioners there. Practitioners would first sing a few love songs with the non-practitioners, to try to be friendly with them, and then clarify the truth to them. However, I did not see anyone quitting the CCP in the end. Also, as soon as I heard those love songs, I got a headache – they sounded really vulgar. I didn't think that such a means of saving people is worthwhile. If not handled properly, one will not even be able to help himself. I could not agree with such an approach.
It is very difficult to cultivate upward, but one can drop down easily with a single wrong thought. To be contaminated by lust for long will cause problems. Failing to get others away from KK, I left it myself. Later, quite a few practitioners in that group were arrested. Those who were more clear-headed began to realize that face to face group Fa-study is what Master wants us to do.
After being on the Internet for two years, I realized that those who were keen to spend time on the Internet are those who cannot endure loneliness. Due to the persecution, we lost the environment for most group activities. To date, I have not been able to make contact with local practitioners. Being under pressure for a long time, both those who had stepped forward to validate the Fa earlier and those who have never stepped forward felt pressure from many directions. Over time they have slacked off in their cultivation and are longing for a group environment. When they find one, they stick to it and spend a long time chatting online, and many other important things are ignored as a result.
In fact, clarifying the truth online is not that effective, and there is also a big security issue. When I was looking for a project to validate the Fa, I paid much attention to articles on Minghui.org, which were very beneficial, and I found the direction I should take. I suggest fellow practitioners also pay attention to articles on the Minghui.
I decided to write articles to validate the Fa. After a few publications, the response was very good. Sometimes fellow practitioners also helped by checking the content and offering suggestions. My writing became more proficient and smooth. Later I got to know a practitioner who had his third eye open. He praised my writing ability and encouraged me to write something larger and more comprehensive. So I did, and I put all my effort into writing it. However, the Minghui website did not publish it. I had to send it to another website for publication.
I could not understand why the Minghui website chose not to publish it. I wanted to have it published on the Minghui website; regardless of how many articles I published on other websites, I felt it was a real pity not to have it on the Minghui website. Later, I started to have fans around me, who gradually regarded me as someone superior. Unwittingly, I also began to view myself as such. I began to resent any occasional criticism and started to complain about the Minghui website, feeling that I had been wronged.
By then, many practitioners in the KK group had problems; so some quit the group and moved to blogs. They found that many practitioners wrote articles on the blogs in the name of saving people, however they did not tell people they were Dafa practitioners and most articles they wrote were about supernormal abilities. Some practitioners could not tell if the articles were appropriate to use, so they collected some and showed them to me. When I looked at the articles, I found that some really exaggerated their own abilities to the point that they did not know the immensity of heaven and earth, and they had developed some really crooked understandings. Some did not seem to have obvious problems at first glance, but one could read between the lines that they were demonstrating a mentality of showing off. Such articles would never get published on Dafa websites. I could feel the interference after reading just a few lines. We must clear out the degenerated matter. So I refused to read them anymore and made it very clear that this was plagiarizing the Fa. The articles were not checked by the Minghui website, and practitioners might not be able to tell even if there were elements from the old forces mixed in them. Also, there were those who are keen to seek novelty and would flatter someone like fans. When the person they follow around turns bad, a big group of people would be dragged down. Those who truly cultivate well would submit their articles to the Minghui website.
Some practitioners said they had previously submitted articles to the Minghui website, but their articles were not published. So they started to complain, saying that Minghui did not have a high standard and limited their talents. What they were saying echoed some of my own feelings. I thought that for more than 10 years now, Minghui focused only on the healing effects and on doing the three things. There have been few articles purely on rational understandings of the issues facing practitioners. So I said that the Minghui website was only “elementary level” stuff. I made such comments out of personal sentiment, and I did not think my complaint was that serious.
Even so, I still persuaded fellow practitioners not to browse other places on the Internet, but instead to spend time reading articles on Minghui. Also those who created blogs took up a lot of other people's time, and they tended to follow “people” instead of following the Fa. There was also a common phenomenon appearing in Fa-study groups. People began to rely on practitioner hosts who they thought were cultivating well. They sought these hosts' advice on all issues, big or small, and did not hold any ideas of their own. We worked with practitioners overseas on the project of rescuing fellow practitioners, and the effect was very good. Then some overseas practitioners became hosts of the group, and practitioners in mainland China would seek advice from them on any issues.
Cultivation is not engaging in idle theorizing. How could overseas practitioners, who have no solid cultivation experience in the environment of mainland China, “instruct” practitioners in mainland China on cultivation? For those practitioners in mainland China who have endured hardships to extreme degrees, both physically and mentally, their cultivation issues cannot be resolved by a few deductive sentences from overseas practitioners who sit comfortably in front of computers. How one conducts oneself on the spot is an enlightening process of casting off one's old self and taking on a new self. So I disagree with overseas practitioners giving random orders. They claimed they were so busy that they did not even have time to read articles on the Dafa websites, yet they had time to interfere with the cultivation of practitioners in mainland China.
Most practitioners in China have not met Master in person, and they really envy practitioners overseas. They developed the illusion that those who have met Master must be extraordinary and must be at higher levels. My personal understanding is that Master established countless affinities when he descended level by level. It was due to these affinities that some practitioners are able to see Master. No matter what level one is at, one must cultivate to meet the standards to be able to return to their position. Practitioners in China are the ones who miss Master the most. However, if we mix in sentiment and try to rely on Master and try to avoid persecution and fail to take full responsibility for our cultivation towards godhood, then the old forces will take advantage of it and persecute us.
The fact that some practitioners are able to work by Master's side or are responsible for certain projects does not mean they have higher authority and that whatever they say is correct. Everything is measured by the Fa, and we must conform to the standards of the Fa regardless of whether we work by Master's side or not. Some practitioners are near Master in this human world, but this does not mean that their position after consummation is higher and nearer to Master; those who are far away from Master physically in this human world at the moment may not be far away from Master after consummation. Our position upon consummation is eternal, and it is not decided by superficial things in the human world, but by the solid cultivation of our xinxing. We must focus on cultivating ourselves well instead of feeling envious of others.
On the other hand, Master is never far from us. When we study the Fa with a calm mind and keep looking within ourselves, we are already communicating with Master. When our heart is melded into the Fa, we will have a boundless world in our heart and have countless sentient beings with us. How can we feel lonely? The key thing is that we must look within ourselves rather than seek things externally. When we look within, we have everything at hand, as the Fa provides us all that we need. Many tribulations that we have encountered originated from a selfish thought we had. If we want to be close to Master, then we need to be diligent in Dafa cultivation. If we seek far and wide for what lies close at hand and try to find a shortcut, then it will be difficult to turn around.
For me, 2012 was a year about which I feel deep regret. Even though I had largely quit the online network, bad news kept coming to my ear. Many practitioners that I knew earlier encountered problems: some committed wrongdoings, some were arrested by the police, and some developed crooked understandings and undermined the Fa. Among them, there were also those whom I thought were very good. From these lessons, I no longer feel conceited.
I have been seriously looking within myself over the last year. If I had not been so domineering in my tone when sharing with fellow practitioners, I could have pulled back some fellow practitioners who had gone astray. If I had cultivated my xinxing a bit better and had more compassion, I could have helped some fellow practitioners. However, in cultivation, there are no “ifs”, only lessons to learn. In the past, I also went through a period in which I had inflated self-regard, and I felt self-importance upon hearing praise. After I had a few articles published, I felt that I was someone special, and when the Minghui website did not publish an article of mine, I started to undermine the website to vent my personal spite. I was fortunate enough to awaken before I went too far. Looking back to when I was in the forced labor camp, so many fellow practitioners turned to crooked understandings, and they all started from not being able to see clearly who they were by seeking things externally. How could I still be so muddle-headed after having witnessed so many sad lessons from fellow practitioners?
As Dafa disciples, we are duty-bound to validate the Fa. We should do it well, and if we don't, we should bear the responsibility. Cultivation is a serious matter. How can we even think of our own merits? With this understanding, I started to learn to quietly do what I should be doing as a Dafa practitioner.
Now, when I think about the process I went through, I feel really frightened about my cultivation state then. I went through a period of developing a demon in myself. I feel deeply that Master is the only one who truly cares about us.
We must cultivate solidly in the Fa. I would like to advise those practitioners who spend most of their time on the Internet to think seriously about just how much time they actually spend validating the Fa and how much time they spend chatting and gossiping. Fa-rectification cultivation is about improving one's xinxing and saving sentient beings. Many practitioners log on several websites when doing group Fa-study, and while studying the Fa they also keep chatting with others, and they claim that they are very busy. They are busy satisfying their own attachments to fame, self-interest, lust, and sentiments. What they are doing is really deceiving themselves.
I have known some practitioners for years, and they are on the Internet every day, and I can hardly see them making any progress in cultivation. Sometimes, I tried to comfort myself, thinking that I was lucky not to be dragged down by those who have gone astray. But how long can we keep marking time at the same spot? Our future is either with Master or the old forces.
There are also practitioners who have no supernormal abilities, yet continue talking about mysteries of the so-called deep level universe and other dimensions, and give speeches everywhere. They even have a group of fans. If someone does not understand what they were talking about, the fans help them explain that it is because what they speak about is at too high a level for them and that they will understand it later. Sharing has turned into lecturing, and no one was allowed to chip in while they were talking. Some practitioners could not even distinguish such obvious conduct as a contradiction of the Fa.
Some practitioners with technical skills have also developed high self-regard as more people depend on them for help. They have mistakenly confused technical skills with cultivation level.
I feel very heavy at heart when I occasionally hear about the situation on the Internet. We must take a serious look into the situation of those practitioners who have been on the Internet for a long time, yet have not effectively achieved much.
Now I completely understand why Minghui.org has insisted for over ten years on publishing articles that focus on doing the three things well. No matter how well one talks, it is better that he/she does something solidly. One can truly improve only when one has also rectified his words and deeds at all levels. One must be as good as his word to be truly diligent in cultivation. It is genuine cultivation only when one validates the Fa with perseverance every day, over the years.
Minghui.org is showing us the paths Master points out as being most solid and broad for Dafa cultivation, on which countless practitioners have walked. All these paths meet here and have formed a great way to heaven for Dafa practitioners as one body. If you have yet to discern what your own path is and yet to find a suitable project for yourself, then go to the Minghui website. You will find a path suitable for you.
It is not the Minghui website that is too “elementary,” but it is I who deviated from solid cultivation in Dafa. I feel fortunate that I only complained, but did not deny the Minghui website, and that I read articles on Minghui website every day.
Studying the Fa, doing the exercises, and solidly cultivating our xinxing are what guarantee our consummation. We must maintain the right direction to be able to cultivate to the end. Minghui.org offers us a guiding light, and its role is irreplaceable in our doing the three things well. We must take a righteous attitude towards the Minghui website. Light up the beacon in your heart and walk the great path to heaven that Master has given us.
Category: Improving Oneself
