(Minghui.org)

Lost purpose in life

In 1989 I was 31 years old. I was generally healthy at the time. One day when I was teaching a class, I suddenly felt dizzy and lost consciousness. I was taken to the hospital, and my blood pressure was between 160-180 mmHg. The attending physician told me that, given my condition, I could die at any moment and that my high blood pressure was genetic.

I remembered my grandmother had died of a brain hemorrhage due to high blood pressure when she was 61. My mother has arteriosclerosis because of high blood pressure. It seemed like I would live the rest of my life surround medicine and blood pressure pills. I noticed my eyeballs start to swell. I was starving even if I had just eaten. My immunity went down, and I was so weak that a strong wind could have blown me away. I had hyperthyroid, and my throat started to hurt when I swallowed; if I got agitated, it got worse. My larynx got so big that I looked like I had an Adam's apple like a man. I drank different kinds of herbal tea every day, but I could not tolerate regular water or tea. I was unable to finish teaching even one lecture. I suffered chronic pharyngitis and tonsillitis for years.

I had hemorrhoids, the pain so bad it was disabling. One day, my arms hurt and I could not lift them. The diagnosis was “frozen shoulder.” My athlete's foot was unbearably itchy, and nothing seemed to help. In the face of all this, I completely gave up on life, and I did not know where my life was going.

I had pain in my legs and back, and I couldn't turn over without help. I could not walk, squat, bend, go to work, or do any housework. I would lay in bed and watch my husband fulfill the duties of a mother and father, doing laundry and cooking dinner. I was helpless.

We visited every major hospital in our area, but they could not find the cause of the pain. We went to Beijing. After visiting several major hospitals, the diagnosis was ankylosing spondylitis, which is a joint disease. New bone forms in the joints, and eventually the joints fuse and the patient becomes immobile. It is genetic, and there is no cure. The attending physician reminded me repeatedly that I must exercise more or else the consequences would be dire. I was in shock when I heard the diagnosis. I wanted to cry but had no tears, and I wanted to scream but I could not make a sound. I was in utter despair, and my heart ached, my legs shook, and I cried. I lost my will and the courage to live, as I could not see any purpose. I had no motivation to move forward. I felt the smallness of life and knew that lives were unpredictable and modern science is powerless.

My tears flowed as I lay in bed trying to sort out my thoughts. I thought about suicide, but I could not bear the thought of my elderly parents losing their daughter, my young daughter losing her mother, and leaving behind my devoted husband. If I lived, I could not work or bear the physical pain. Not only that, others had to take care of me. I thought about the pain my parents would go through, the look on my young child's face, and the loneliness of my husband if I died. I had to live on.

I took several hundred Chinese herbal medicines, and I took a handful of other medications every day, hoping to improve. Acupuncture and massage were the order of the day for me. I tried all kinds of traditional Chinese medical treatments and took hot baths at a hot springs, but nothing helped. I wore a padded jacket and pants in the summer, but my joints were still cold.

My husband took me to well known hospitals all over the country. I tried acupuncture. The doctor first inserted several dozen needles on my back, then lit the other ends of the needles with mugwort so that they got hot; the pain was unbearable. I tried hot towel treatments with peppercorn water, and I ate worms, tens of thousands of them, for their claimed medicinal benefits. I learned Tai chi and some qigong. My family spend all their savings on me. I tried modern and traditional medicine, but all of it was useless.

Going Back to My True Self

When I was desperate and in despair, Falun Dafa came to our county. Thinking to “giving it a try” to ease my symptoms, I started to practice. The magical power of Dafa is beyond anyone's imagination. I read Zhuan Falun in one sitting. My feeling at the time was beyond words. I understood the real reason behind illness, the true meaning of live, life's purpose, and the truth of the universe. I threw away all my Western and herbal medicines and started to cultivate. It was April 6, 1995, and I was 37 years old.

On my first day doing the exercises, I could not bend over or squat. I was able to bend over the second day, but I still had pain. The pain got a lot better on the third day. I was moving with ease and walking at a lighting pace after two weeks. All my physical complaints gradually disappeared after two months. I finally knew what it was like to be without any illness, and no words are able to express my feeling at the time.

I was happy that I was still able to live with good health, and I was excited that I could go back to my truth self. I felt lucky to be part of Dafa. I was sorry that so many people, including my siblings, friends, and relatives, were still in the mist of the human world.

After I started to practice Falun Gong, I lived my life according to the standards of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. I changed my bad habits and rough temper. I was more kind and caring to my parents and in-laws. I gave more attention to caring for and educating my child. I treated everyone around me with compassion.I took over all the household chores at home. At work, I took on every challenge with a smile. My optimism, generosity, and honest character touched those around me and even those who harmed me. My heart was purified, and my morality elevated. As I grew older, I felt younger; I felt like the happiest person in the world.

For 17 years, I have not taken a single pill nor visited a hospital. I am healthy and enjoy the magic of life. My mood is tranquil and immersed in limitless compassion. I've encountered countless obstacles but was able to overcome them. The previous 17 years has been an unforgettable journey. My heart is filled with gratitude and my eyes are filled with tears whenever I think about the past.

Our compassionate Master lifted me up from a life of suffering, told me the truth of life, and erased the stain on my soul. Master opened my memory, protected me through dangerous situations, and gave me a second life. My gratitude and respect to Master and Dafa are beyond words. I want to say that, without Dafa, I would not be like this today--Falun Dafa did indeed give me a new life. Thanks to Dafa! Thanks to Master!