(Minghui.org) Between 1999 and 2003, I was illegally detained and persecuted by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) nine times. As a result of my experience, I was quite fearful and dared not contact any fellow practitioners. I was afraid something might happen to them and I would also be involved. Thus, after my sister and I obtained truth-clarification materials, I would only distribute them by myself. I began distributing just a few copies, but soon let go of my fear and distributed hundreds. My cultivation state improved. Diligent study gave me a deeper understanding of the Fa, and I was able to act in accordance with the Fa. With stronger righteous thoughts, plus Master's compassionate hints, I finally walked out of the small circle of “self”. I always thought that if all the Dafa practitioners in our area could join together to destroy the evil forces and save sentient beings, how mighty that power would be. When a practitioner has a strong will, Master will lead the way.
In autumn 2005, I unintentionally became a coordinator for my area. I contacted all the fellow practitioners I could find in other villages and towns. In this way, nearly a hundred practitioners were connected. This was a difficult process because few practitioners dared to step forward to validate the Fa and, if they did, they were often detained. At that time, there were no truth-clarification materials production sites in our area and so we depended on other villages and towns for supplies. There also were few Fa-study groups. I did not know where and how to start to gather practitioners together. Indeed, it's always difficult at the beginning of any course!
Master is compassionate and used fellow practitioners' mouths to give me hints and to open my wisdom. While visiting other regions I learned of Fa-validation projects and how to navigate the Internet, download and print articles. In this way, truth-clarification materials production sites were set up one after another. More and more Fa-study groups were set up, too.
In 2007, two elderly practitioners from our county were abducted by the evil CCP for their truth-clarification activities. After other practitioners learned the news, some immediately sent the information to Minghui to expose the evil. Others composed and distributed fliers detailing this incident to expose the persecution to the local people. Some went to the detention center where the two practitioners were held and sent righteous thoughts. Falun Dafa practitioners assisted family members of those detained in asking for their release. Everyone joined together in sending righteous thoughts. In short, everybody worked together as one for the first time and united to destroy the evil forces. In three days, the two practitioners were released unconditionally. This demonstrated the power of the group as a whole. Because fellow practitioners' heart were aligned and there was no separation among us, the situation of our whole county was pretty safe during those years.
Yet from 2009 to 2011, practitioners from different villages and counties were illegally arrested one after another. A number of fellow practitioners began to blame me for this. In the summer of 2011, a fellow practitioner requested that her husband inform everyone that I was a special agent (a CCP spy). She maintained that no matter who was abducted, I was always safe. Another fellow practitioner even said that I had an affair with her husband.
The arrest and persecution of one of our practitioners occurred as I was in the middle of moving to a new home. Not only did fellow practitioners fail to go and try to save the practitioner, they even spread rumors. When I heard about this, I suddenly understood that these were tricks played by the evil in other dimensions. They attempted to separate us and instigate fights amongst ourselves.
Our compassionate Master feared that I couldn't bear this and reminded me of this Fa, “You want this, he wants that, Both pitiable and absurd it is 'Tis the Lord of Fa rectifying the firmament Who could manage to escape it?” (“Look Attentively” from Hong Yin Volume II) (English Translation Version A). All of a sudden I was full of righteous thoughts and calmed down. I no longer thought about those things that had nothing to do with me, and just recited the Fa. The problems were all suppressed temporarily.
During that time, some fellow practitioners were affected by these rumors and didn't want to have anything to do with me; some of them looked down upon me and talked behind my back. Some of them were indifferent and their faces were cold; the smiles of the past days were gone. All of a sudden, my human feelings surfaced, and I felt wronged. I began to blame others and thought that this was unfair. My heart became cold and I didn't want to meet fellow practitioners, much less help them. I closed myself up and didn't want to have any contact with practitioners anymore. Later, however, Master used fellow practitioners' mouths to give hints to encourage me.
After I studied and remembered the Fa in my heart, my cultivation state cleared. I now knew how to treat my fellow practitioners: only compassion can resolve evil. Since I knew that what the fellow practitioners said had actually nothing to do with me, then why would I mind? Plus, during the past long history, probably I had insulted and hurt them. Isn't this a way of paying my debt? This is something which is heavenly and good. How could I not pay my debt? So I told myself affirmatively: I must be good to my fellow practitioners.
One fellow practitioner was interfered with by the illusion of illness karma and couldn't walk. I bought some gifts and went to visit her. I even stayed at her place during the night and took care of her by adjusting her blanket, helping her when she urinated and emptying her urine pot. I studied the Fa, sent righteous thoughts and helped her look inward for problems. She was touched, and said that I was completely not what she had heard about, that they were lying and that I was wronged. Previously, this practitioner had criticized me behind my back. I did not get upset about this, because I understood that it's the human heart and thinking that caused all of this. Otherwise, it wouldn't happen at all. I will for sure be good to my fellow practitioners, because we are all disciples of our Master and came here to assist Master to rectify the Fa.
Because I stopped paying that much attention to hurt and insult in the human world and let go of this heart, soon after, a fellow practitioner came to me and apologized. She put her hands together in heshi and said to me that I could come to her house anytime, and that it was she who had been wrong. Some practitioners blamed all the trouble on the one who said I was a special agent. They thought that she was unreasonable and doubted if she studied the Fa. Many felt this was unfair to me, but I was very calm and smiled. I told fellow practitioners that we couldn't separate ourselves into two sides. I understood that Dafa practitioner’s true selves would not say these wrong things. It was the evil hidden behind their attachments that said these things. It was completely not something that was said by the fellow practitioners; it was the evil using fellow practitioners' mouths that said these things. We practitioners are a real family.
At that very moment, I truly felt and experienced from the bottom of my heart, how big was the heart of the monk who was depicted in Shenyun. Because that fellow took care of a certain child, people cursed and looked down upon him. After 12 years, when the parents came back for their child, the monk's reputation and name was restored. I also thought of the greatness of Han Xin who had suffered insult by crawling under the legs of a challenger. What I was suffering right now was simply nothing. Wasn't this really about Master using evil factors to forge a person with great spiritual inclination?
Deep in the quiet nights after studying the Fa I began to look inward quietly for the source of my problems. I found that I have so many notions because I bred demons in my own dimension. There are no coincidences in this world. I found that:
1. I pursue fame and am selfish. I do not allow others to criticize me, while I can criticize others at will. No matter where I went, I was the only one who talked too much as if I knew everything. I liked it when others praised me as if I were the moon that was surrounded by the stars. At the same time I still have attachments such as jealousy, showing off, etc. I liked to show off that I can remember Zhuan Falun by heart and how I clarified the truth to a court president, court chief and the person in charge at the detention center. I love to show off how I distribute truth-clarification materials and how I painted big truth-clarification characters with red paint on the lamp posts. All of this caused fellow practitioners to worship and depend on me. What's more, it made the attachments that validate myself to expand.
2. I also have some features of the evil party left in me, such as being superficial, exaggerating, flaunting, combating, and factionalism, etc.
3. When I had nothing to do, I always recalled all those that had ever courted me when I was young, and how they had pleased me. Also, the scenes of romance movies always occupied my mind. Wasn't this the demon of lust? How could the mind of an enlightened being be filled with these dirty, messy and bad things?!
4. My heart for doing things for Dafa is big, but I lacked true cultivation of my inner self. What is fortunate is that I can recite Zhuan Falun every day, but recently I had seldom read Master's overseas lectures. I wasn't practicing all five sets of exercises every day. I had so many loopholes.
All of the above are the attachments that I have realized thus far. There are still many that I have not yet found. Due to this, I quietly stepped down from being a coordinator. I found that my coordination wasn't good enough and affected all the practitioners as a whole. Thus, it was better to let those fellow practitioners who have abilities in this area to coordinate. In this way, fellow practitioners will not hold anyone up as an example, but will simply do the things they should do according to the Fa. They should do as Master directs and save sentient beings steadfastly. That's what is very good and true. I must also continue to undertake Fa-validation projects as an ordinary, truly cultivating and genuine Dafa practitioner.
