(Minghui.org) During ten years of Fa-rectification cultivation, I thought I was doing pretty well. I did not succumb to the evil persecution; I did not compromise with the evil factors; I did not betray fellow practitioners; and I would not be “transformed}” by the evil Chinese Communist Party (CCP).
I am assisting Master in Fa-rectification; I am saving sentient beings... Yet I did not realize that there was so much of the “I” in me. When I realized this, it showed me the strong attachment I still had to myself. Recently, I was rudely awakened by my selfishness.
Waking Up
One day a fellow coordinator discussed a project with me. I immediately rejected her suggestion without thinking about it, despite her explaining that it would be feasible. I rejected her ideas with no concern for her at all. I also told her that her suggestion was based on her self interest instead of being responsible for the whole body. Several days later she brought this topic again at the group study. I got angry and said, “Didn't I tell you that it's not okay? There is no need to discuss this any further.”
We behaved as non-practitioners, and argued in front of many fellow practitioners. We disagreed with each other, and we both refused to compromise. We would not even listen to other practitioner's ideas.
After the fellow practitioner left, we continued to study Master's lecture, “Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles.” A fellow pointed at me and said, "It's your turn to read." I was still angry and could not calm down yet. I felt bad not reading Master's Fa. The practitioner said to me, “You can start to read from this line.”
Master said:
'With some people it has gotten so bad that nobody can say a word about them. It looks like I can't go any longer without addressing it. Some people have become like matches--one stroke and they ignite. They're like land mines--one step and they detonate. [They are acting like,] "You can't criticize me. I can't take any criticism." They no longer listen to any expression of disapproval or disagreement, whether it was meant out of good or ill will, was intentional or unintentional; they reject everything flat out, and even less do they examine themselves. It has gotten quite severe. (“Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles”)
The fellow practitioner said, “Continue, please continue to read.”
“If someone still can't pass this test, I'll tell you, he is in a very dangerous situation, because for a cultivator this is the most fundamental thing, it's at the top of the list of things to eliminate, and it has to be eliminated. If you don't get rid of it, you won't achieve Consummation. Don't let it become that it's ordinary people doing the work of Dafa disciples. You want to achieve Consummation, not good fortune.” (“Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles”)
I was shocked. Wasn't Master talking about me? I have cultivated for more than a decade and my most fundamental attachment had not been removed. I felt really bad. I'd let Master down, and let myself down. I also was interfering with the improvement process of our local practitioners as one body. Master requires us to coordinate well to save sentient beings. I had let down fellow practitioners who had trusted me. To be able to rebuke others like that, I still considered myself better than them. This was no different than what the old forces did. The old evil forces, who are to be eliminated, want to change others, but do not want to change themselves. Upon recognizing this I burst into tears, and with a deeper understanding I began looking inward.
Giving Up Self
I realized that even after 10 years of cultivation, my hot temper had not changed. I did not like it, but because I could not control myself I always behaved this way. Some practitioners joked with me saying, “You must have been a high ranking official in the past several lives as you act like a high ranking official every day.”
In the early days when the practice site was newly established, a practitioner always faced the wall when doing the exercises. The assistant asked him to turn around, but he would not listen. One day I commanded him to turn the front when practicing. He said, "Bodhidharma practiced facing the wall for nine years." In a flash I ordered him to leave the practice site and go to the Zen temple. He turned around and faced to the front. At the time I thought, “I did this for Dafa! I cannot allow him to tarnish the image of Dafa.” But I did not think what would have happened if he'd started to argue with me like I did with him. Wouldn't that affect the image of Dafa even more? It would be such a loss if he left the practice site due to anger. I would have chased away a life which Master meticulously arranged to obtain the Fa. I would have created a lot of karma!
Master said in “How to Provide Assistance,”
"For instance, in order to make the students listen to them and to make it easier to carry out their work, some assistants have done their work by issuing orders. This is not permitted." (“How to Provide Assistance,” from Essentials for Further Advancement)
Master also said in the “Clearheadedness,”
"I have not only taught you Dafa, but have also left you my demeanor. While working, your tone of voice, your kindheartedness, and your reasoning can change a person’s heart, whereas commands never could!" (“Clearheadedness,” from Essentials for Further Advancement)
Master's lecture in Los Angeles awakened me from a deep sleep. I traced down to where the anger came from and eventually found that it was again the attachment to "self," which included showing off, not cultivating speech, and casually commenting on fellow practitioners. I believed that because I was an assistant, that everyone should not only obey me but cooperate with me at all times. Yet I could not cope with others.
In clarifying the truth to save sentient beings, I often used a strong tone to enforce it. It's not easy for others to accept my words and I often bring up negative factors in others, making the results not good. I'd have no patience so I'd think, “If you do not want to listen, then leave. If you do not believe, it's your problem.” If they did not agree with me, I'd leave right away. When encountering conflict, I'd focus on myself, and sometimes do things which are against Dafa's requirements. "Self" is from selfishness. Many Mainland Chinese have been poisoned by the CCP culture, and Chinese society has been corrupted to a very immoral standard.
Dafa requires us to be a selfless enlightened being who always consider others first. But such focus on oneself is selfish, and completely against Dafa's requirements and against the universal characteristics of truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. If cultivators do not put down self they will naturally be restrained by the nature of the universe, with the consequences being no improvement, and our gong, or cultivation energy, will not grow.
I am grateful to have found my loophole and that it is now exposed. My mind and nature have improved and my level has elevated. I sat together with the fellow practitioners, and we opened our hearts to exchange our understandings based on the Fa. The misunderstanding which had accumulated for many years instantly disappeared. Our one body gap was resolved. We can coordinate well and do well with the three things in saving sentient beings. By honoring our pledge, by giving up self and by melting into the Fa, we have the vast universal force which is indestructible, unstoppable and omnipotent, to ensure success.
At this point, I hope that fellow practitioners who have the same attachment can quickly put down self now! Let us be diligent together, study the Fa wholeheartedly and cultivate ourselves well in the process of doing the three things, to complete our prehistoric vows.
