(Minghui.org)
Greetings, Master. Greetings, fellow cultivators.
After cultivating for only 11 months, I feel honored to share my experience of obtaining the Fa and cultivating Dafa. It has completely changed my life.
When I first came to be a part of Shen Yun, I didn’t know much about Falun Gong. Zhen-Shan-Ren (Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance) sounded good to me. Like most people, I was really drawn to the exercises in the beginning. They made me feel really refreshed and energetic. During Fa study, I understood most of what I was reading in Zhuan Falun, at my low level. But I wasn’t really applying it to my daily life. I believed that the Fa I studied were heavenly principles, but I wasn’t always acting as a cultivator when conflicts arose.
Then, when studying "Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Switzerland," I found this issue had been explained very clearly. Master said:
“A perceptual grasp and a rational grasp are two different things. If a person can truly learn the Fa and absorb it into his mind, truly grasping the Fa in cultivation, then that’s different from the perceptual grasp at the beginning. One will transcend to understand the Fa rationally.”
After reading this passage, I decided to work even harder to not only perceive the Fa but also to always treat myself as a practitioner. This came to fruition while on tour with Shen Yun Performing Arts. I faced many tribulations and xinxing tests.
This article is a collection of some of the many experiences I’ve had in the short time I’ve been cultivating. They document the shift in perceptual toward rational understanding of the Fa, but I still have a very long way to go. Please forgive my inadequacies and feel free to correct my mistakes and misunderstandings.
Since I was 13, until June 15th of last year, I always had at least one job and was a full-time student. During graduate school, I was a full-time student and a teaching assistant. I also taught at three schools plus gave private lessons. I did freelancing gigs whenever I could. On the weekend days I didn't have performances, I worked at a sandwich shop near my apartment. On top of that, I had to find time to practice and study. This means I never, ever had a single day off.
In Zhuan Falun, Master said, “In ordinary human society, you compete with others for fame and personal gain. You cannot sleep or eat well, and your body is in very bad shape.” I was always tired and drank around five cups of coffee each day just to keep myself going, also because coffee was cheaper than food and it suppressed my appetite. Part of the reason I kept working at the sandwich shop was because employees there were well fed.
Even though I was so exhausted, being busy for at least 17 hour a day, I wasn't able to sleep more than five hours at night. My mind was always racing and I was filled with anxiety. I wasn't even worried about fame or personal gain in the sense of becoming wealthy, because I was doing just enough to keep a roof over my head, gas in my car, and a cell phone. I was so discouraged and wondered if my whole life would be like that: working all the time and just barely getting by. The prospect of leading that life made me very sad.
I decided to audition for Shen Yun, mostly curious to see if I would even make it. It was a life changing moment for me. I truly believe in predestined relationship. In order to come to Shen Yun, I turned down multiple other opportunities. At the time, I didn’t know how good Dafa is and how wonderful it would make my life, but somehow I made up my mind going to Shen Yun.
In Zhuan Falun Master said, “No loss, no gain.” To an everyday person, what I gave up was very worthwhile; but to me what I gained was much more valuable, shining like gold. After being here, I realized there is so much more in life than just running around all the time, or working for so many hours to make barely enough money to survive.
I am so grateful to Master for providing so very much for me, including the simple things such as a roof over my head and food on the table. Master is so compassionate and he understands the hardships artists would face if we had to make a living on our own. I’m even more grateful for the cultivation aspect—the chance to strive to be a better person. This approach to cultivation makes so much sense. Even though my understanding isn’t at a very high level, I realize all the benefits I have received from this practice without even asking. It’s truly amazing.
Coming to Shen Yun was also a huge lifestyle change. It took me a while to adjust to the way things are done. In the first weeks and months, I constantly questioned the logistical workings of the show. They were different than what I had experienced in the past. I would ask, “Why do we have to sit in this formation?” “Can we rearrange the seating?” and “Why do we tune to 442? I’m used to 440.” “Why do we have to use microphones and speakers?” And so on. I selfishly wanted to do things the way I was used to.
Gradually, I accepted the changes, but in my heart, I wasn’t truly convinced--until we started performing. Master told us how powerful the show is, but I had to experience it for myself to truly enlighten to this. Throughout the tour, I’ve seen so many people moved by the show. I’ve seen audience members shed tears of both joy and sadness. After seeing this, I truly understood why everything was the way it was and that I am just a small part of something so big and meaningful.
At the beginning of the tour, I did not have a team attitude or a grateful heart. On days that we weren’t performing, we would still gather in the morning and spend the whole day out sightseeing, shopping, eating, etc. After traveling and performing, these long days out were exhausting. I felt entitled to my own free time, mainly to relax and rest. When I would ask to stay behind, I was told that we really have to stay together and I was so frustrated. I didn’t understand and felt like I wasn’t trusted or being treated as an adult.
Really, these feelings were a result of my poor cultivation state. I had to change my attitude. In Zhuan Falun, Master said, “You should not casually do whatever you want, and you must be able to maintain your xinxing.” After reading this, I felt very bad about my behavior. In every city, the local practitioners cared so deeply about us and wanted us to be happy. They arranged activities for us to see the cities and have fun.
Once I changed my attitude, I felt so grateful for the opportunity to see new things. All the activities were things I wouldn’t normally do on my own, so I learned a lot. In "Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Switzerland," Master told us:
“You will get nothing when you go all out trying to gain something or do something, full of attachment. You can only obtain it when you let go more and are less concerned with it. So it’s called ‘gaining naturally without pursuit.’”
When we arrived in Asia, we had a bit more freedom to choose our activities and this was also very nice. The important lesson I learned is not to be attached to the activities I do or don’t want to do, the places I do or don’t want to visit, the foods I do or don’t want to eat and so on. In Zhuan Falun, Master said, “Therefore, as to the many attachments that come from sentimentality, we should take them lightly and eventually abandon them.” Once I enlightened to this, I was so much happier all the time, no matter what we were doing.
Now I have felt really secure in my practice of cultivation. I know I failed some xinxing tests, but I really believed I was putting the right foot forward and walking a righteous path.
As my cultivation was improving, I noticed where others were lacking. I started getting really upset and annoyed at them. I wondered: Why does this person always blame others instead of looking within? Why does this person act so selfishly? All these and many other things were bothering me. Then, I was really upset with myself for letting these things move me. I know that I am supposed to only worry about my own cultivation. I also knew at a high level, one would remain unmoved by these human actions, but it was really hard to see these things knowing everyone is supposed to be cultivating. It’s not like these were members of everyday society.
Then, someone who cared deeply about my cultivation had a talk with me. I didn’t even tell her what I was going through, but she knew exactly what to say. She told me that all these things that bothered me and the problems that arose were serving as a mirror. They manifested so that I could look within and change something within myself. I felt so grateful for this advice.
Master said in Zhuan Falun:
“If you want to reach a higher level, you must abandon your ill thoughts and clean out your filthy things in order to assimilate to the requirements of the standard at that level. Only by doing so can you ascend.”
I understood that these negative thoughts about others kept me at a lower level. I only needed to worry about improving myself.
Master also said in Zhuan Falun:
“You cannot be made or forced to practice cultivation. It is up to you to truly make progress. No one can do anything about it if you do not wish to upgrade yourself. You have been taught the principles and the Fa.”
So, I feel both sorrow and compassion for those people who are in this cultivation environment and do not truly cultivate and upgrade themselves. Yet, it is not my responsibility to discipline them nor should I let their actions affect me. I just need to worry about my own cultivation.
At the end of every day, I go through how I handled situations, whether I passed or failed xinxing tests. There are so many examples of both. I will give an example of an instance where I failed and then was presented with the same test and passed.
At one point on the tour, a musician was criticizing one of our younger members. I know I should practice wuwei (non-involvement) and not intervene, but I was really upset at how condescending this person was being, and I tried to stick up for the younger member. This fellow musician who was so critical then started to attack my playing and said some very hurtful, disrespectful things. Instead of just allowing them to give me their de (virtue), I retaliated. For my temper, I really controlled myself well compared to how I would have been in the past, but it wasn’t good enough. The things this person said really bothered me, deep down. I was feeling frustrated, insulted, embarrassed, enraged, and so many other emotions.
Master said in Zhuan Falun, “If you can tolerate it and yet it preys on your mind, it is still not good enough.” This conflict was preying on my mind. As I kept studying the Fa and looking within, I really considered what this person said and decided to take it as an opportunity to improve my playing. So, really, I should thank this person.
On the tour later, this person approached me again. It’s funny, because they would say that they weren’t trying to be disrespectful, and then would say many disrespectful things. All I could do was smile at how lost this person was and tell them I would try harder and do better. I really could not believe how well I handled the situation.
In "Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Switzerland," Master said:
“So every trial is challenging to pass. You will either pass it or fail to pass it, and you will either pass it well or pass it poorly. But when you pass it poorly, you agonize over it and know that you haven’t cultivated well and regret it deeply. You make up your mind to cultivate well next time. Then the next time you will try again to pass it. It’s precisely in this state of being able to pass it, not being able to pass it, examining yourself, and doing this constantly that you are cultivating. If you could pass every trial well you wouldn’t need to cultivate.”
This series of conflicts is an example of how much better I handle things when I cultivate and study the Fa well. After this test came along again and I passed, it felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. It was a big milestone in my cultivation, because I didn’t just act one way and feel negatively inside. I was truly unmoved by this person’s accusations. This conflict also shed light on where I was lacking.
The conflict wasn’t only an opportunity for me to take a long, hard look at my playing and improve as a musician. It was also serving as a mirror to reflect criticisms I’ve said or thought. Later, I enlightened to the fact it was also karmic retribution for the times I’ve been overly critical or harbored ill feelings towards others because of their musicianship. The whole situation taught me so much about cultivation and how difficult and deep it is to truly practice all the principles of the Fa.
In Portland, we had an experience sharing among the members of our company. I put a lot of thought into what I wanted to say and spent a long time making the speech really reflect my cultivation practice to that point.
After this sharing, our group made a video for the Chinese New Year. Another musician took my words, talking about how much they struggled before becoming a part of Shen Yun. I was so disappointed that this person copied me. I was really angry with them, deep down, even though I knew I shouldn’t feel that way.
Then we read "Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.," in which Master talked about practitioners working together. Among other important points, He said, “If you've got a good idea, well, you came up with it, you're being responsible to the Fa, and it's not important whether your idea is adopted or whether your approach is used.” So, I decided to let go of these negative feelings.
In Zhuan Falun, Master said, “The key issue is whether you can take lightly and care less about the issues of individual gain and interpersonal conflicts.” It doesn’t matter whose idea it was. If I reached someone through sharing my experience and they felt a connection to it that brought them closer to Dafa, I should be thrilled rather than infuriated by that. So, I changed my thinking.
When I first came to Shen Yun, I participated in sending forth righteous thoughts. But I didn’t really understand what I was doing. I would try to think positively, but my mind would wander. All of a sudden, I found myself planning my next practice session or wondering what was for dinner that evening.
I didn’t feel the deep meaning of sending forth righteous thoughts until we started touring. Throughout the tour, obstacles and interference would try to disrupt the show. Once the lights weren’t working properly. During another show, the curtain didn’t open at the right time. Right before one performance, our pipa fell and broke.
Now when I sent righteous thoughts, I really had a meaningful goal to meditate on. I would think, "Please send us a pipa so we can have a full orchestra or please let the lights keep working or please keep this negative press away." When everyone was really on the same page sending righteous thoughts, nothing could interfere with us.
Finally, I understand the meaning and power of sending forth righteous thoughts.
I’ve been playing bass for half my life. Before coming to Shen Yun, I couldn’t straighten my fingers even when my hands were relaxed. They were bent over the same way a hunchback person cannot stand up straight. It looked like I was always holding a can of soda. If I straightened my fingers, my hands would shake from the effort; it was really difficult to hold this position. I was concerned I’d caused permanent damage to my muscles and joints and that I would suffer pain and disease as a result of my musical practice.
After cultivating, the exercises have helped me so much. The first and fifth exercises have especially helped relax the muscles in my hands and fingers. Now, I can straighten my fingers without straining them. In the past, I had tried so many stretches and techniques. Nothing worked until I began cultivating. It is truly amazing.
I came to Shen Yun to work as a musician, but I stayed to cultivate. I’m not standing here in front of you because I’m exceptional. I’m sharing with all of you because I have faced many tribulations, have realized many attachments, and have a lot of improvements to make.
I’d like to thank fellow Dafa disciples for their service to Shen Yun and being an inspiration to me. From the lady who styled my hair so beautifully in Taiwan, to the woman who sewed my pants in Australia, to everyone that cooked and sold tickets, to the disciples in New York that make our home beautiful and comfortable, and to the company I toured with.
Thank you all so much for everything! Most importantly, thank you, Master, for this life changing opportunity. You have given me so much!