(Minghui.org) I was imprisoned and persecuted for several years by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). I always resisted the persecution, however, working to not acknowledge the persecution has not been the most difficult thing during my cultivation. The most difficult thing for me has been to control my xinxing when in contact with other practitioners. I used human notions to observe other practitioners' loopholes. In this regard, simple issues became xinxing tests arriving one after another.
After I came out of prison, I set up a truth-clarification materials site at home. I was responsible for printing Master's new articles and Minghui Weekly, the booklet Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, and other various materials. I also copied DVDs and posted the list of names of those quitting the CCP. Moreover, I was responsible for the maintenance of several printers and taught practitioners how to use mobile phones to speak to people about the facts of Falun Gong. I often participated in rescuing detained practitioners. I was busy all day and night, and sometimes I felt tired.
At that time, I had been laid off from work, so I stayed home and was more flexible with my time. Other practitioners would find me if they needed help. Some of them said: “When there is a question, we always like to learn from you because you can explain it clearly.” Most of them were elderly practitioners. I felt uneasy because the problems they encountered were tiny issues for me; I thought they should be able to handle them easily. At times, they seemed to understand some technical issue after I taught them, but after I left, they called and told me they didn't know what to do. Some practitioners called me, saying they needed me to come to their home quickly. I put down the work at hand and rushed to their place. However, upon arrival, they told me: “Sorry to waste your time again, the problem has been resolved.”
Although I said nothing, my mind was unsettled.
Another thing that disturbed me was my practitioner husband, who also relied on me for things. I had no choice but I had to do things for him with a troubled mind.
Earlier, a female practitioner who was imprisoned had finished her term. However, instead of being released, she was taken directly to a brainwashing center from prison.
In order to expose the evil in a timely manner, another practitioner and I searched for her photo for the Minghui website. We also needed her photo for the local truth-clarification booklets. However, when I delivered the photos to a practitioner's home who was preparing the booklets, I knocked on the door twice, and nobody answered. So I went to two other practitioners' homes; unexpectedly, they didn't open the door either. I had to go home sadly.
I met a practitioner on the way home, and told her about it. She said: “There is no way they will open their doors. Our local practitioners are just like that. Without an appointment, it is hard for them to open their doors. They have a strong attachment of fear.”
On the way home, I felt upset. But when I calmed down and looked within, I noticed that these incidents exposed my attachments of resentment and seeking comfort. I recalled Master's teaching: “I don’t emphasize any specific approach; I use various means to expose your deeply-concealed attachments and get rid of them.” (“Digging Out the Roots” in Essentials for Further Advancement) I understood that Master used this to expose my attachments.
When I read news from the Minghui website about the persecution, I started writing letters to some of the persecutors. I selected the truth-clarification material that was included in the letter according to the individual circumstances. I also wrote follow up letters. I set up a database of each letter's content and the receiver's name.
There was an elderly practitioner who also wanted to send letters, but he asked me to prepare the letters for him; he just wanted to be responsible for sending them. I felt uncomfortable, because I noticed his attachment to comfort and relying on others.
Because I didn't look inward in time, the same thing happened again. Another practitioner couldn't step out to save people; she only wanted to send the letters. She asked me to print the letters and collect and print the receivers' addresses for her.
This was a very troublesome job. I needed to check the daily articles on the Minghui website and copy the relevant information. To prepare dozens of people's information, it took me at least half a day.
I thought it took too much time. I also worried that even though it required so much time, it may not be effective. I hoped the practitioner would do it herself.
When I calmed down, I found my own problem. I complained that it took too much time. This exposed my attachment of impatience. Moreover, I felt that simply posting letters was an easy job; on the other hand, collecting the information was a difficult job. I found my attachment of fearing things being troublesome.
After these two incidents, I found that I lacked compassion in my heart for others. The fellow practitioners had the heart to save sentient beings. This is what we should cherish in each other.
There was a practitioner in her 70s who was setting up a materials site at her home near where I lived. She was responsible for providing materials to other practitioners. Initially she didn't know anything about computers. So I downloaded different files onto a memory card for her, and she took them home to print them. Later she was able to log on to the computer and read Minghui. Then she asked me to teach her some basic knowledge about the computer.
I taught her how to create a new folder, how to copy and paste, and how to design and print. I showed her how to do these things step by step and wrote out the details for her to follow. Then she said she understood. However, the next day she called me. I again showed her how to do these things step by step and had her practice them until she remembered.
Due to her printer being used too much, problems often occurred. So I often went to her home to resolve these problems.
Every small issue triggered my attachment of resentment. When these thoughts appeared, I found my hidden attachment. I realized that if there was something lacking in another practitioners' work, I should quietly supplement it to make things more complete and perfect. Only this way can the power of the one body manifest. When I had this thought, I felt happy. I decided to help the elderly practitioners. Later, I often helped her print materials and copy DVDs. I have never complained since then.
Last New Year's Day, I wanted to post a greeting card to Master, but I didn't know how to do it. Another practitioner, Xiao Ma, who lived in another city also had the same thought. She wished to send a greeting card to Master, but she didn't know how to do it. I knew that several local practitioners could do it. My thought was to let Xiao Ma learn to do it first, then she could teach me. Unexpectedly, Xiao Ma wanted me to learn to do it, then teach her. I felt unhappy and felt I was forced to do something.
I balked for several days; I just didn't want to learn the new software. In my view, Xiao Ma was more suited to learn to send the greeting. Why did she ask me to learn it? I thought about it after I calmed down. I found my pursuit of comfort and ease. After this, I went to learn to use the graphic software from a local practitioner. I learned how to design a greeting card and how to edit photos. I finally made a good greeting card for Master as a New Year's gift.
I always thought I looked inward for everything, but I still encountered some tiny issues. I enlightened that I always thought the things I did were too small. Therefore, I was constantly surrounded by small things (just for me to enlighten), but I didn't realize this and break through it. I always thought the small things were unnecessary and that they consumed my energy for nothing. Over the past years of following Master in Fa-rectification, practitioners often said that I could think about others first and could quietly cooperate with the one body; they also said I did many things that other practitioners couldn't. However, I felt what I did was very plain. Until now, I realized that the “big or small” was just my notion and I needed to remove it.
Although every practitioner has done things large or small during their cultivation, we shouldn't judge whether a practitioner cultivates well or not based on whether the things they did were large or small. It doesn't mean that one cultivates well because one does a big job or that one doesn't cultivate well because one does a small job.
Every Dafa practitioner is a particle of Dafa. Practitioners should cooperate with each other and complement and harmonize together. Only this way can more sentient beings be saved and we can do well the three things Master requires of us.
I thought the little things I did could only be considered a foil, and like only a green leaf. I felt imbalanced in my mind about this.
Actually, anyone who becomes a Dafa disciple is fortunate. Why do I bother myself with what role I play? With devoting even just a little, that is our great honor.
I am just one of the particles among tens of millions of Dafa disciples. However, I have the best feeling about Dafa and about my being “one green leaf” and enjoying my leaf's fragrance.
Many divine beings and Buddhas admire that we have the opportunity to become Dafa practitioners. There are seven billion people in the world, how many among them are Dafa practitioners? I am one of them. How lucky I am! How couldn't I feel happy and proud of being one green leaf?