(Minghui.org) I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1998, and made some mistakes on my cultivation journey. Compassionate Master has never given up on me however, nor abandoned me. I am thus fortunate to have become a Dafa disciple during the Fa rectification period, and I am grateful for Master's boundless mercy.
I had rheumatic heart disease when I was 12 years old. My father died of this disease when he was in his forties. The doctors said I needed surgery, but I didn't go ahead with it because there was too much associated risk. Later on in adulthood, in 1992, I had to have the surgery because my health had deteriorated.
When I was in the hospital, I was shocked that my husband had an affair with another woman, and had brought her home. I was physically and emotionally down. I lost my will to live in this world. I constantly cried and questioned heaven, “I didn't do anything bad. Why do I have to face such unfairness?”
Looking for a way to find relief, I went to a temple to become a lay Buddhist. A senior nun gave me some Buddhist books. Because I didn't understand what the books said, I asked the nun my questions. I found that she was also puzzled.
Several years later, she told me that (at her current level) she could no longer teach me. So she suggested that I look for a master. I then tried hard to find a master.
My former husband had a bad temper. He drank and smoked, had improper relations with other women, and often beat me. So we divorced in 1996, and I married my current husband in 1998. I thought that having a new husband would make my life better. However, unexpectedly, he was very strict with me, and bitterly cursed at me almost every day.
In late 1998, I suddenly started bleeding every month. After I checked with doctors, they diagnosed that there was a tumor the size of a four-month-old fetus in my womb.
One day I traveled to another city, accompanied by a female leader from an upper work unit. In the evening I saw her doing exercises in the room. I curiously asked her about it. She said it was Falun Dafa, and told me about the practice. She offered to show me the exercises. Actually, at that time I was unwilling to learn, but because a leader wanted to teach me, I couldn't resist. So I learned the first exercise.
The next morning my legs lost feeling. I was worried about it and asked her whether the exercise caused it. To my surprise, she looked very happy, saying that it was a good thing. She immediately assigned me a job to do. I told her that I couldn't move. She replied that I could, and asked me to work right away. I didn't believe what she said, but I thought I would give it a try. I moved my legs out of bed with my hands, then lifted myself up by the bed and carefully stood up. I used my hands to move my legs, one step and then another. My legs recovered!
I went to a beauty salon with a colleague one day, and I wanted to introduce the Falun Dafa book to this colleague. When I took the book out of my bag, the therapist grabbed the book from me quickly, saying she wanted to read it first. As soon as she saw Master's portrait, she surprisingly shouted, “He is a Buddha. He is a Buddha! I will learn from him!”
My heart was deeply moved. I knew I shouldn't let this chance to cultivate pass me by! I then started seriously reading the book Zhuan Falun. After reading, all the questions I had over dozens of years were answered. I completely understood the reasons behind my suffering. I realized that I found my master!
I recalled that when I learned the first exercise and my legs lost feeling, the chills and swollen knees I suffered in childhood were being cured. I learned to sit in the lotus position to meditate, and I saw Master sitting there in a yellow garment one meter away, both of his hands emitting a beam of golden light into my abdomen. I knew Master had given me a Falun. At that time, Master started cleansing my body. I had diarrhea every day. Strangely, it stopped when I was at work. I had a bad stomach for three months.
During this process, I felt my body becoming lighter and lighter, as though I was treading on air. My heart disease, rheumatism, and monthly bleeding all disappeared. It was exactly as the book said. I understood that I had found the real, great, universal law.
At that time, as soon as I did the exercises, I started crying. I bought many Dafa books, and had put them on the bookshelf in my office. So I gave the books to many people. I told the elderly nun that I had found my master, that he was a real Buddha, and to hurry to learn from this real Buddha! But she said that she had to listen to the religious bureau. I later heard she had suffered from some severe illnesses.
After I started practicing Falun Dafa, not only was my body cleansed, but also my xinxing was gradually raised.
Before I obtained Dafa, my work unit assigned a company car to me. The other leaders had driver's licenses, and they used the company car for personal use. I also got a driver's license, but after studying the Fa, I felt that it wasn't right to use the car for my personal benefit. Actually, I had a driver to take me home, to work, and to the airport, so I did not need a car. I thus destroyed my driver's license, letting go of the attachment to possessing a company car for private use.
My driver and I once went on a business trip to another city, and I took my family with me. On the way, I recalled a story in Zhuan Falun about a father who took his child to Qianmen for a walk. I enlightened that I should remove my attachment to taking advantage. When we stopped to refill the gas, I quietly paid for it. When we stopped for a meal, I quietly paid the bill. The driver was surprised by this. I told him that I practiced Falun Dafa, and that I shouldn't take advantage of the company.
I was in charge of subcontracting for some of the company's projects. Some of those I contracted with had often given me a bonus (money in a red envelope). In the past, when I traveled to other cities, the trunk of the car was filled with the gifts I received. Otherwise, I was not happy. The Chinese Communist Party's (CCP) officers have lost their sense of shame. After I began practicing Falun Dafa, I stopped accepting the red envelopes. I told them not to worry, that if the project was contracted to them, I would treat them fairly. They didn't believe me in the beginning. One person took an audio copy of Master's lectures, and then started practicing Falun Dafa.
Several years after I started practicing, my company launched a real estate business project. Several leaders bought land for housing. On the surface they “paid” for it, but they really only paid a small down payment towards the purchase.
Several years after I obtained the Fa, I didn't think there was anything wrong with doing this. From a non-practitioner's viewpoint, I achieved a lot for this project, so I should gain some privilege or benefit. But from a deeper understanding of the Fa, I felt greater and greater unease. Regardless of how great my achievements were, I was a Dafa practitioner, and should not do such dark deeds. If I did not have enough money to buy the land, I should give it up.
It was easy to say I would give it up, but it was not easy to do it. Moreover, it was connected to the other leaders with the same situation as mine, and could offend them if I didn't follow along with them. In addition, the land value increased after several years. It was worth almost a million yuan, with the value still rising. If I withdrew, it would be at a great loss.
My righteous thoughts at the time were mixed with human desire and greed. I struggled for a few months, and then finally made my decision. When I stated that I wanted to abandon the land, the other leaders and my relatives were shocked. They asked me if I had lost my mind. They said, “You ask people you meet to quit the CCP, now you give up the land. It's strange!” My relatives were even worse. They said they understood I was a Dafa practitioner and not greedy, but they could lend me the money, and I could keep the land.
I said that my Master told us we should not owe debt. If I paid the debt to my company, but then I owed it to them, wouldn't that be the same? I persuaded my family that I wouldn't lose things if they truly belonged to me.
My husband works for the government. Not long after we married, I discovered that he was very bitter. I paid for everything for the family, and he cursed at me almost every day. My step-son didn't like me either. Several months later, I separated from my husband, and I felt my life was hopeless.
About six months after my marriage, I started practicing Falun Dafa, and everything changed. In 2000 my husband decided to send his son abroad. Our budget showed that we could afford it, and I used my savings to pay for his school. Unexpectedly, the school fees increased every year. My husband wanted his son to withdraw from school and come home. At the time, I was attending a meeting in the country where my step-son was studying. I told him we could no longer afford the huge school fees, but he said he would rather die than go home.
Looking at him, I suddenly understood it was a test for me as a Dafa disciple. I knew I must accept it with a cultivator's xinxing. This son had a predestined relationship with me, and I knew I should sincerely and kindly think about him.
I told my husband that I would try my best to support him to finish his studies. I sold the voucher for the house funds that my company assigned to me. I also sold all my jewelry that my former husband had given me. I canceled all of my insurance that I started before I obtained the Fa, and used all the money to pay for my step-son's school. People said, “By stopping the insurance, you will lose a lot of money. You lost the house. Why don't you keep something for your future!” I said, “They will feel a Dafa disciple's compassion. This is my future.”
My husband's work unit informed us that our property certificate didn't show shared ownership of the property. They said they would help to complete it after we told them the name of the new owners.
I thought that my husband would have naturally put my name on his property certificate, but he never thought to do so. If I had not started practicing Falun Dafa, it would have been difficult for me to face such a tribulation. However, my heart wasn't moved, and I passed the test.
My step-son began treating me better and better. One day the 22-year-old called me via an international call. It was the first time he warmly called me “mom.” He now always tells me his secrets. When he was looking for a girlfriend, he said he wished to, “...find a person like you, but nowadays, fewer and fewer girls are as good as you.”
I was persecuted by the CCP in 2006. The police knew I had a second marriage, and they wanted to stir up the issue. My husband told them that no matter how they treated me, he would never divorce me. He told them I was a wonderful person! The police said they would give me a heavy sentence. My husband said that no matter how long I was in jail, he would wait for me! My husband repeated these words in front of all my relatives.
Two years ago, my step-son returned home to arrange his wedding. My husband and I were assigned different tasks. I was responsible for decorations for the wedding reception, and my husband was responsible for booking the restaurant and decorating the new home. During this time, I discovered that my husband had gotten together with his first girlfriend. I furiously felt it was unfair. I had given away almost everything for my family for many years. My husband always controlled our finances, and he gave me only several hundred yuan for pocket money each month. Moreover, he cursed at me almost every day. Even his family, his son, and his friend scorned him. But under Master's protection, I was tolerant towards him. He openly had such an affair, and it seemed like too much! My brother and sister's family were also going to talk to him!
At the time, some bad thoughts came into my mind, and I was shocked!
I immediately focused on reading the Fa more. Regarding this event, practitioners also shared their views and experiences several times. The Fa's principles, and help from the other practitioners, felt like clean water rinsing my burning heart. My mind became clear again.
I enlightened that on the surface I was suffering a hardship, so naturally I was angry. But this was a principle of ordinary society. Practitioners should follow the requirements of the Fa. So why was I angry? Because the human “I” was hurt. I was angry in order to protect the human “I” and my human interests.
Master taught us:
“...whatever you do, you should consider others first, so as to attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism.” (“Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature” from Essentials for Further Advancement)
After I let go of qing, a compassionate heart arose. I talked to my husband, and told him that if it was true, it was they who were hurt. I also told him the Fa teachings about predestined relationship between wife and husband. My husband immediately gave me an explanation, trying to clear himself.
I told him that regardless of what the truth was, I was no longer concerned about it. I was happy that my husband understood the Fa principle, and he saw a Dafa disciple's boundless compassion and broad mind. Later and on several occasions, he said, “You are Sakyamuni.”
The CCP started suppressing Falun Dafa in 1999. I repeatedly read Dafa books and consistently shared with other practitioners. I asked myself, after practicing Falun Dafa, did my life change for the better or worse? Was it beneficial or harmful to my work unit, my family, and society?
The answer was that Falun Dafa is completely a benefit to everyone without a single bit of harm! There is nothing wrong with the path we walk. Afterwards, I started clarifying the truth to people.
I attended a meeting in Europe in 2001. I met overseas practitioners and read Master's new articles. I saw truth-clarification materials, and I was very excited. I knew that what we had done had Master's approval.
In 2006 a practitioner and I distributed materials inside a residential building. We were reported and arrested. This time, my husband was scared, and he kept his eye on me. He stopped me from practicing Falun Dafa.
After losing my cultivation environment, my attachment of fear intensified. Later, I suddenly got short-term blindness in my left eye, and symptoms of my heart disease returned. It was very severe, and I felt that I could no longer pass the test. After other practitioners heard about it, they intensively sent forth righteous thoughts for me. They came every day to encourage me, and they gave me an mp3 audio player so I could listen to Master's voice. My main consciousness became clearer, and the symptoms immediately disappeared.
I let go of my attachment of fear, and my home environment was rectified and improved. My husband bought a table lamp for me and told me to “listen to your Master diligently.”
After dozens of years of cultivation experiences, when I now encounter problems I immediately look inward. Much of the time, I can find the cause of the problems. In the process of assisting Master to rectify the Fa, I feel that my debts are being cleared, layer by layer, and my xinxing is constantly raising and getting closer to the immortal realm.