(Minghui.org) It has been almost ten days since I left China. I have strong, mixed feelings of sorrow and indignity. I would like to share these emotions with my fellow practitioners who also plan to leave China.

I spent a lot of time and money planning for my departure, including paperwork, luggage, and making arrangements for my absence. This severely burdened my family and my fellow practitioners.

When I applied for a visa and collected evidence of the persecution I had experienced, fellow practitioners sent forth righteous thoughts for me. They continued every day until the day of my departure. I regret taking away their precious time and energy that could have been spent on saving sentient beings.

A fellow practitioner pointed out my tendency to argue with others. She was worried I wouldn't be able to cooperate well with others after I arrived in another country. I thought she had the same problem, so I bickered with her and said many regretful things.

At the train station, I fell down the escalator with my suitcases. No one reacted as I tumbled down. Those who saw the event were scared for my life.

I'm sure the old forces took advantage of my loophole and sent me a death sentence, while our compassionate Master cushioned the blow. Even though I had some bruises, scratches, torn clothes and a broken watch, I was overall fine.

Airport security staff then discovered Master's scriptures and fellow practitioners' experience sharing brochures in my bag, and I was arrested by airport police. I realized that the old forces had taken advantage of another loophole of mine. I had failed to respect Dafa and Master due to my damaging behavior toward the Fa. I couldn't study the Fa with a quiet mind prior to my departure, was oblivious to security concerns, and didn't delete any sensitive information on my electronic devices.

The airport police took me to a police station, where they demanded my computer password. I refused. I could not hand over an entire set of truth-clarification files on my computer. My external hard drive and USB drive were also filled with Dafa-related materials that were unencrypted. Fortunately, thanks to Master, the police did not find them!

I then relaxed because I knew Master, Dafa, and my fellow practitioners' righteous thoughts were with me. With warm smiles, I casually chatted with the police while secretly eliminating the evil factors controlling them. Eventually, the police stopped asking for my password but still confiscated Master's scriptures. My goal was to leave as soon as possible, so I didn't ask for them to return the scriptures to me. I am deeply apologetic for this.

I finally managed to escape from the police station a few hours later and spent a fortune buying another flight ticket. I know this experience would have been impossible to overcome without Master's protection and my fellow practitioners' righteous thoughts.

I finally arrived at my destination after such an eventful trip. I had to rely on fellow practitioners for everyday life, including with food, finding an apartment, moving, shopping, etc. Since they were already busy with Dafa projects, I felt my arrival unnecessarily burdened them.

My total savings of 50,000 yuan was quickly spent on logistics and initial living expenses. If I had stayed in China, I would have been able to buy a lot of calling cards, printer toner cartridges, and CDs for clarifying the truth to the public.

I traded a dutiful life in China to face the pressures of life in a foreign country with a language barrier and financial stress. In addition, the result of my asylum application is still unknown.

I thought I would be able to start participating in truth-clarification activities after settling down, but quickly discovered no Chinese people to converse with, aside from tour groups. Unlike China, where I could clarify the truth to anyone around me at any time, I inevitably had to spend money on transportation in order to arrive at local tourist areas. In China, the opportunities to save sentient beings were present at all times and at low cost.

After seeing my fellow practitioners spend their precious time helping me with my daily life and considering how much longer it will take me to reach financial independence, I thought of returning to China.

I read a sharing from another Dafa practitioner who had left China, who said she used to hang banners on streets with many other fellow practitioners, but with many leaving China, she was the only one left to continue the project. She then had a dream in which she cried because no practitioners remained to continue the truth-clarification projects.

I started crying, thinking how busy my fellow practitioners in China would be. If I were still there, today would be my day to deliver truth-clarification materials. I would have taken every shopping opportunity to speak to people about Falun Dafa. I would print out materials at home, collect mailbox numbers, fax numbers, and write articles.

I was upset and had thoughts that sentient beings were blaming me, “How can you offer salvation to us from another country? Beijing is the place the evil forces gather. Dafa practitioners from all over the nation and the world are helping Beijing practitioners with truth-clarification. But you escaped from the battlefield. You are a deserter!”

I thought I came abroad to help with a particular project, but after arriving I realized the reason for all projects abroad was to facilitate with saving sentient beings in the main battlefield, China. Master has been suffering for us and has delayed the end of Fa-rectification again and again. How do I not disappoint Master and sentient beings?

The only remedy is to stay diligent, let go of my attachment to comfort, and fully cooperate with fellow practitioners on truth-clarification projects. I hope my hard work will be able to reduce the pressure of fellow practitioners in China.

I have to take this opportunity to tell all fellow practitioners who plan to leave China: You should ask yourself twice whether you can truly fulfill a more important role in China or overseas, and whether the reason for your move is for yourself or for sentient beings.

The above is my limited understanding. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate. Heshi!