(Minghui.org) From the New York Fa Conference, an article titled "Waking Up and Learning to Cultivate" caught my attention, in which, a practitioner shared: “One of the first and most shameful problems that I recognized in myself was that I was using Dafa for my own well-being, or to put it more directly, I was using Dafa like a drug. When I studied the Fa, I was pursuing the clarity of mind and peacefulness that one feels after studying the Fa.”

Recently, I’ve tried to look within and discern my original motive for taking up cultivation in Dafa, to see if I had the same problem as this practitioner. That is, was I using Dafa to seek inner peace?

Why have I cultivated? Why aren’t I cultivating like I was in the beginning? Quite by accident, I was recently listening to a song written by a practitioner, in which she sang, “Fame and money won’t last.” The line hit me hard and awakened me to completely understand my fundamental attachment that I had been unaware of. Because it had been hidden so deeply, I couldn’t see any of the problems it was causing in my cultivation.

Looking back to when I first started to cultivate in Dafa, I remembered I took it up because I felt ordinary people’s affairs were uncertain and didn’t last long, and that I didn’t want to get entangled in the sorrows of partings and joys of unions, as they would only lead to pain. That’s why I wanted to let go of my attachments as well to “fame, love and fortune,” so that I could attain tranquility, comfort, and peace of mind.

I discovered that, for a long time in my cultivation, my letting go of attachments was limited to things that wouldn't last. Inner peace, comfort, and eternity were my underlying pursuit and fundamental attachment.

From a higher perspective, then, my cultivation and elimination of attachments was not based on saving sentient beings and pure selflessness, but on trying to escape the entanglement of human suffering, which is certainly a principle of the old universe, in which one only cares about oneself. In other words, my seeking personal relief is the same as using Dafa to achieve my selfish ends.

In "Towards Consummation," Master said:

“After cultivating for a period of time, are your thoughts still the same? Are you continuing on the path because of those human attachments? If so, you cannot be counted as my disciple. It means that you haven’t gotten rid of your fundamental attachments and that you are unable to understand the Fa from the Fa.”

Because the fundamental purpose of my cultivation in Dafa wasn’t pure, that’s why I’ve become passive and despondent in the last few years. As time passed, this mentality slowly eroded my will to cultivate in Dafa, and I lost the passion to cultivate that I had when I first obtained the Fa.

I've been doing the three things merely as a formality or routine, without seeing the profound meaning behind them. Studying the Fa with a pursuit of tranquility and comfort has prevented me from elevating myself rationally in Dafa.

In Zhuan Falun, Master said:

“Getting an earful of other people’s flattery about how capable she was, she would also not respect qigong masters from righteous schools. If someone said something bad about her, she would be upset. This person’s attachments to fame and self-interest were all developed. She considered herself better than others and extraordinary. She mistakenly thought that she was given the energy to become a qigong master and make a big fortune, while in fact it was for her to practice cultivation. Once the attachments to fame and profit were developed, this person’s xinxing level had actually dropped.”

Because cultivating Dafa elevated my moral character, people have often commented about what a good person I am. Being praised and acknowledged by fellow practitioners when we do Dafa projects together, I’ve unwittingly developed attachments of zealotry, showing off, and vanity. Because my fundamental attachment had not been discovered, more and newer attachments were constantly being generated. These substances have prevented me from advancing in my cultivation.

In “What is a Dafa Disciple” Master said:

“You are cultivators. I’m not talking about your past, what you once were, or what you display on the surface. I am talking about your core and the meaning of your life, the responsibility you shoulder, and your historic mission. Only thus are you truly a Dafa disciple.”

When I realized that my motive for cultivating was impure, I became more clear on my mission. I could sense that my divine side had strengthened. When I sent forth right thoughts, my energy was pure.

I have come to understand that, if we cultivate ourselves in Dafa every second, the eliminating of our attachments is based on saving sentient beings and pure selflessness and not to seek any returns from Dafa. Then, whatever we do in Dafa will have real meaning and power, and only then can we truly save the sentient beings and be worthy of the title of “Dafa disciples.”

If there is anything in my understanding that is not in line with Fa, please compassionately point it out.