(Minghui.org) When I was a child my family did not value or follow the courteous and refined behavior of China's traditional culture, of our ancestors. My grandparents, parents, and relatives are members of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), so I was raised to be aggressive and competitive – which are hallmarks of the CCP culture.
Since I had no knowledge of the polite and dignified way in which Chinese people traditionally conducted themselves, I often swore, cursed, and used “extreme” words. I thought my speech and behavior were quite normal.
After I began practicing Falun Dafa, I noticed that my speech and behavior were different from other practitioners.
I was quite proud that I became a practitioner at a young age, and thought that my speech and behavior did not reflect Party culture. It was not until I read the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party that I realized that my thoughts, speech, and the way I did things were “extreme.” I am also argumentative and competitive.
When I work with other practitioners on Dafa projects, I'm not very understanding or forgiving towards them when I see their shortcomings.
Instead of looking inward or offering kind advice, I immediately have negative thoughts about others, and think they are inefficient and too slow at solving problems. When I point something out, I go to extremes by giving them serious warnings, or I remain silent and let them suffer from the consequences of their “mistakes.” I later analyze and point out their mistakes, trying to make them admit to where they were wrong and take responsibility for their shortcomings.
I also go to CCP-style extremes in my daily living. For example, I don't like to suffer losses. I always fill my rice bowl to the top, and my tea cup to the rim. I must be the best in everything I do, otherwise I lose sleep over it.
Whenever other practitioners kindly point out my attachments, I tell them that I have been like this since I was young, and I try to hide my shortcomings. I now understand an ancient Chinese saying, “A full moon will wane. A full cup will overflow.”
On the surface, “going to extremes” is not reaching the standard of being “pure, kind and compassionate.” However, when I look inward to see which attachments are motivating my behavior, I see that I am being selfish and that I'm trying to protect myself.
I know that as soon as I identify any problems in my cultivation, I should immediately correct myself. I hope that by writing this article, I will be motivated to do better, and eliminate my attachments at the source.