(Minghui.org) I'd been searching for something since I was quite young. My life seemed difficult, and from time to time, I would be overcome with emotion. I went to the library and flipped through books about astronomy. At night, I watched the moon with binoculars trying to gauge how vast the universe was. In my heart I was looking for answers to many questions like, "What is the purpose of my life?"
I started to read esoteric books and novels that seemed to provide answers to the meaning of life. But each time I finished reading one, I always felt disappointed.
When I was 16 years old, I signed up for a very expensive transcendental meditation class. However, I did not finish it because I could not become calm when I meditated. Also, since there was no spiritual teaching, the class did not provide an answer to my existential questions.
The years flew by. As I grew older, I had asked fewer questions, but I still had a feeling of discontentment: that something important was missing.
Finding What I'd Been Searching For
In 2003, after I returned home from a three-month long trip to Southeast Asia, I finally discovered what I'd been looking for, right in my hometown. A celebration was being held in the old Chinatown and Falun Dafa practitioners were demonstrating the exercises. Attracted by the music and the eye-catching yellow clothing I walked over and was handed a flyer. My first thought was that I needed to try this.
However, it took me nearly six months before I contacted a local practitioner and started to learn the practice. At first, I mainly did the exercises and only read Zhuan Falunonce a week. I was not diligent.
In 2006, three months after the birth of my first son, since I was on maternity leave, I started doing the exercises every day and reading more. Almost immediately, I experienced amazing changes both physically and mentally. For example, my back pain disappeared and I stopped drinking alcohol. Teacher also encouraged me. For example, one day I felt the Falun rotating in my body. One evening when I was very frustrated, wondering when I might finally be able to put my legs up in a double lotus, I was suddenly able to cross them on top of each other, and I felt no pain for 15 minutes!
Before I began practicing Falun Dafa, I suffered from a phobia for years. Hoping to overcome it, I met with a psychotherapist and attended group self-help meetings. Since my husband worked at night, and I could not leave my child alone, I decided to stop going to the meetings and just study Falun Dafa. Compassionate Teacher resolved this phobia for me!
Now, when I tell people about Falun Dafa and they ask why I practice and how I've benefited, I often use this as an example. I say that Falun Dafa has resolved my issues and gives me guidelines to follow in my daily life. I now feel confident and know that I'm on the right path.
My Family Also Benefits
Over the years, Master has taken good care of my family. For example, some months after I began practicing Falun Dafa, I got the job I wanted. I think Teacher gave me a steady work environment because I need to focus on doing Dafa projects and take care of my family.
When I was young, as part of my search for answers, I consulted psychics. One of them told me when I would meet my husband, but that 18 years later he would die in a plane crash. This worried me for years. We have now been together for 22 years. I know that Master has rearranged my fate. Master also gave me hints about the importance of being married instead of just living together. So, my husband and I got married this summer. I actually feel more honorable!
My boys also read Zhuan Falun, the main book of Falun Dafa. I noticed that they want to read it when I'm doing well in my own cultivation. So I think the best way to teach them is to talk to them about the principles of Falun Dafa whenever they encounter troubling situations and to be a good role model for them.
I feel that Master sometimes sends me messages in my dreams. Some dreams are warnings, like those where I'm very late, but some dreams encourage me, like those where I run along, my feet barely touching the ground.
Eliminating Attachments
Recently, I was finally able to eliminate the sense of shame that followed me since childhood. I wrote down all the situations where I was not proud of myself, and I forgave myself. I felt so relieved. Upon deep reflection, I realized that this shame comes from the desire to always be perfect, which is actually related to the fear of being rejected. I think that, given our mission, practitioners have very high standards for themselves, but shame is like a demon that must be eliminated because it prevents us from moving forward.
Sometimes I've had negative thoughts about other practitioners, or I'll feel that it would be easier to cultivate in another environment.
Remembering that situations happen because I have an attachment helps to remove my feelings of anger, sadness, or resentment, because Master has arranged everything. Sometimes it has taken me hours, days, or even weeks to eliminate these negative emotions, but now I'm able to eliminate them more quickly.
Recently, I began feeling discouraged. Weeks later, I realized that this feeling was not me. I decided to eliminate it during the first five minutes of sending righteous thoughts as though it were a demon. The first time I did it, I immediately felt better.
I've learned to take suffering as joy. Without enduring these challenges, I would not look for the attachments that are generating them, I would not eliminate them, and I therefore could not improve.
The times I feel best are those times when I have the opportunity to talk to people about Falun Dafa or Shen Yun. I'm filled with joy because I feel that I'm accomplishing my mission.
During difficult times, a thought and an image often come to me. I say to myself, “I let go of all my attachments. Come what may, I eliminate them all!” While I think this, I picture myself taking rocks out of my pockets and throwing them on the ground. It really helps!
I thank Master for His great patience and compassion. I hope to do better and better so that I can help save sentient beings and fulfill my mission.
