(Minghui.org) In 1996 my mother was fortunate enough to obtain Dafa. At that time, I was only four years old.
She took me to listen to the Dafa lectures and learn the exercises, and I became a little Dafa disciple.
After Jiang Zemin initiated the persecution of Falun Dafa in 1999, my mother was arrested when she went to Beijing to peacefully petition for the right to practice Dafa. She was illegally detained in a labor camp for one year.
After she was released, she was forced to leave home because of police harassment. When I was in fifth or sixth grade, my mother returned home.
After she returned, we resumed studying the Fa and doing the exercises together. But because I had been away from the Fa for some time and had so much schoolwork to do, I didn't take my cultivation seriously. But Master didn't give up on me.
Since I didn't do well in school, it seemed unlikely that I would have the chance to go to college. Surprisingly, I was admitted to a college, having scored just a few points above the minimum. I knew that Master had helped me get into college.
After I got into college, however, I still didn't take cultivation seriously. Instead, without my mother's supervision, I behaved like an ordinary person and did not pay attention to improving my xinxing.
I started to drink and didn't pay attention to cultivating my speech. I didn't really consider myself a Dafa disciple.
This continued until my senior year, when my legs suddenly began to itch and my skin started to peel.
Since I'd had symptoms similar to neurodermatitis on my neck from time to time, I didn't pay much attention when the same thing happened to my legs. I scratched my legs until the skin began to peel off, and the sores got larger and larger.
After a while, there was almost no good skin on the lower parts of my legs. At this point I remembered that I was a Dafa disciple and started to send forth righteous thoughts.
However, I didn't look within for the cause and didn't pay attention to improving my xinxing, so the symptoms didn't go away.
I started to think it was a disease. At first, I knew that this way of thinking was wrong, but as red spots started to appear on other parts of my body, I searched the internet and tried to diagnose my symptoms.
I went to the hospital and the doctor said that it was psoriasis, a serious skin disease that is difficult to cure. He prescribed some medicine for me.
These drugs didn't help at all, and the symptoms got progressively worse. My whole body started to peel and fester.
It was springtime, and the weather was getting warmer. People began wearing short sleeves, but I still wore long sleeves and long pants, because I was afraid someone might see my skin.
At one point, I had to bend my legs due to the pain when I walked. After finding out about my problem, my father consulted a skin hospital on the internet.
When the doctor suggested that I be hospitalized immediately, my mother had a serious discussion with me. She asked me whether I wanted to go to the hospital or to view myself as a Dafa practitioner.
At that time, I chose to practice Dafa and did not go to the hospital. This one righteous thought led to a miracle.
I rented a room with my mother near the college dormitory. Every day we studied the Fa and did the exercises, sent forth righteous thoughts to eradicate the persecution of my body, and denied the arrangement of the old forces.
Gradually, my body began to change. At first, the amount of skin that was peeling off slowly decreased, and later the itching completely stopped. The sores from scratching got smaller and smaller, and in less than three weeks, there was almost no visible scarring. By May, I could start wearing short-sleeved blouses like everyone else, and I knew that Master had helped me again.
After graduating from college, I was faced with the problem of finding a job. I saw that many of my classmates went to large cities to live “the good life.”
Out of vanity, I also wanted to go to a big city to realize my ambitions. My mother worried that I would stray from Dafa if I went to the city.
But, influenced by all kinds of attachments, I insisted on going, and my mother eventually agreed. After I went to the city, I was heavily influenced by various desires and questionable morals, and my thoughts slowly deviated from Dafa.
The workload in the city was very intense, and the cost of living was high. Even though I worked hard, I still couldn't save any money.
I changed jobs twice, but due to the economic recession, my income went down.
At one point I was unable to make ends meet. Even so, I still wanted to stay in the city and started to overdraw on my credit card.
During my second year in the city, my parents took out a loan and bought a new house. They asked me if I could help with the monthly payments.
Because I was afraid of losing face, I told them I could. But my financial situation was getting worse and worse. I could only get by if I borrowed money from the credit card company and friends. After doing this for two years, I was forced to return home.
After returning home, I did not tell my parents about my financial situation; my income wasn't very high, and I had to pay the monthly mortgage and my credit card debt.
Six months later, I started to borrow money from an online loan company at a very high interest rate.
Since I couldn't pay back the loan on time, I had to look for another online company to borrow money and pay back the first one.
In less than six months, I'd borrowed money from more than a dozen online companies and ended up owing nearly 60,000 yuan from an initial debt of a few thousand yuan.
To repay my loan I borrowed from relatives and friends to the tune of more than 80,000 yuan. Every day, I got phone calls and text messages demanding I pay back the money I'd borrowed.
My work and life were seriously affected, but I didn't dare to tell my parents the truth.
I started to study the Fa and do the exercises after work and gradually realized that I wasn't behaving honorably and did not follow the requirements of the Fa. This led to me being persecuted by the old forces.
I began to send forth righteous thoughts and realized that, over the years, I hadn't treated myself as a true Dafa practitioner. After realizing the seriousness of the situation, I confessed to my parents about my finances.
This incident made me realize that I was not truly serious about practicing Dafa, and I had subconsciously developed an incorrect thought that, as long as I was a Dafa disciple, I would be protected.
Master said:
“The master takes you through the entrance, and it is up to you to practice cultivation. Nobody will force you or make you practice cultivation. It is your own business whether you practice cultivation. In other words, no one will interfere with it in terms of which path you take, what you want, or what you try to get. We can only advise people to be good.” (Lecture Three, Zhuan Falun)
Our compassionate Master has unconditionally given us the greatest Dafa to cultivate, but I didn't cherish it. I missed the opportunity to cultivate again and again.
This time, I will unconditionally practice Dafa and be a true Dafa disciple. I will do well the three things we should do and hold myself with the standards of Dafa, improve my cultivation, help Master rectify Fa, and fulfill my historic mission!
Through Fa study, I understood that I should dig out hidden attachments from the depths of my heart, eliminate them, and deny the old forces' persecution.
Through this experience, I also found all kinds of attachments: vanity, fame, saving face, self-interest, and self-importance. I expose them here, correct myself, and assimilate myself to Dafa.
No matter where I worked, I never asked for a lot of money. Even for my own project, I always said that less money was fine with me.
On the surface it seemed that I wasn't concerned with self-interest, but in fact it did not conform to the Fa.
Master said:
“There is a principle in this universe called, "no loss, no gain." To gain, one must lose. It is held among everyday people that one does not gain if one does not work for it. More work means more gained, less work means less gained. The more efforts one makes, the more returns one deserves.” (Lecture seven, Zhuan Falun)
I didn't have the right attitude in this respect and let the evil take advantage of this loophole. When I was living in a big city and experiencing financial difficulty, I should have returned home to make plans based on my actual financial ability.
But I stayed because of strong attachments to vanity and fame, wanting my friends to think that I was very capable, which led to a heavy financial burden for my family that exists to this day.
I realized that I should integrate myself into the one-body of practitioners. When I have problems, I can communicate with them in a timely manner, find out where I can improve, and raise my xinxing. This is the cultivation way that Master has taught us.
Although I have cultivated so poorly over the years, our great compassionate Master has never given up on me. I will cherish this opportunity, cultivate myself diligently, and be a qualified Dafa disciple!