(Minghui.org) After the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) began persecuting Falun Dafa on July 20, 1999, my husband and I went to Beijing and appealed to the government for justice. We then went to Guangzhou City to participate in a nationwide Fa conference.
After the conference, my husband made truth-clarification materials along with local practitioners. He also worked with others to find a way to receive NTDTV programs through handmade equipment. Back then, many of our local practitioners were amazed by his righteous actions.
Unfortunately, my husband was unable to withstand the brutal persecution and could barely continue his cultivation. He didn't do the exercises or study the teachings and became very ill-tempered. He beat me when he couldn't control his temper. He also had a very strong desire to control me, to the point of being hysterical. The situation dragged me down and my cultivation state suffered as well.
One time benevolent Master showed me his divine side, which was so wonderful and sacred. Master also hinted that I should look after my husband. Even so, my cultivation state was not very solid to begin with and I stumbled over and over again. When I was confronted by his bad temper, I suffered tremendously. It is hard for me to even think about that period of time.
I would like to focus on the hardship I experienced in my family life and how I overcame it, rather than the pressure brought about by the evil persecution or tribulations caused by my own attachments.
At first, when my husband beat me, I fought back, but afterwards I regretted failing to maintain my xinxing. Through consistent Fa-study, I managed to do well about ten percent of the time, and gradually, I didn't fight back at all.
Whenever I received a substantial beating from him, I felt strong resentment and I began to look down on him, as my tolerance was only on the surface. After I had been beaten repeatedly, I started to develop fear. It turned out that the more attachments I had, the harder he beat me. The more terrible the beating, the stronger the resentment I developed towards him.
I once thought about letting him beat me to death. But I realized, “If he really beat me to death, wouldn't he have undermined Dafa? Wouldn't he go down to hell because of that? I cannot die.” I endured this tribulation for ten years without being able to snap out of it.
Although I eventually managed not to fight back, I still couldn't get over this tribulation. I felt I was being subjected to the same persecution as practitioners who were being held in detention centers.
I had experienced many tribulations imposed by the old forces, so I finally made up my mind to look for my shortcomings at the root. I began to realize my human attachments. As I let go of attachments, like fear and resentment, my husband stopped beating me. Moreover, we went from there being a war between us to having normal conversations.
I later came to realize that I should treat him nicely, regardless of how he treated me. So I began to take care of his day-to-day needs seriously. For example, before my change of heart, I would have no facial expression when I served his meal. If he didn't touch it, it didn't concern me at all. Later, as my compassion came forth, if he didn't want to eat I'd feel a bit sad and worry that he would go hungry. I tried to persuade him, “Please try to eat something, otherwise you'll starve. Please don't worry too much about what happened in the past.” At that time, I could feel his deep regret. It's only that he didn't want to openly express it.
Later, I realized that even though I didn't fight back, the way I treated him still didn't comply with the standards of the Fa. Deep down, I didn't care about him. This was the root cause of my being unable to snap out of this tribulation for a long time.
I realized that when I saw others behaving badly, I looked down on them. All of my negative mentalities were the result of human thinking. I am a practitioner, so regardless of the situation I should treat others with kindness and compassion. I suddenly realized that I had stepped out of human thinking. I also realized that no matter what we run into, we should follow the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance.
I began to behave sincerely towards my husband. When he didn't appreciate me or complained about me, I treated him even more kindly and consequently kept elevating myself in the Fa. Sometimes when his behavior was not up to par, I knew that it all came down to the fact that I hadn't reached the Fa's standard. So I began to treat him more sincerely, kindly, and tolerantly. When I couldn't maintain my xinxing, I looked for the hidden attachments and notions in myself that didn't comply with the Fa and eliminated them.
By doing so, I realized that I was truly cultivating in Dafa, as opposed to only eliminating my attachments within the framework of human notions. I also realized that when I held myself to the standards of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance to solidly cultivate myself and do the three things well, I was also assimilating to Dafa. I knew that I was gradually coming close to what Master said:
“You must try to really embody these qualities if you hope to become a spiritually realized being. It’s rather simple, in fact.” (The First Talk in Zhuan Falun)
One day, when I was studying the Fa, I came across this sentence:
“...and refers to any being who has gained a state of awakening through spiritual discipline.” (The First Talk in Zhuan Falun)
I was in a state of shock. In fact, as an enlightened person, one should treat everything and everyone with the standards of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance, including people from the police department, the Procuratorate, and the judiciary. I also realized that the tribulations I was previously subjected to counted for nothing, no matter whether it was to eliminate karma or to help eliminate attachments. Their ultimate goal was for us to reach enlightenment to our true nature.
I had a dream where I saw many heavenly deities and Faluns. I felt a bit strange, thinking, “Why have I never had those beautiful scenes from the heavens in my dreams before? Could it be because my realm of thoughts was still among human principles? How could they possibly be shown to me?” Only when I had reached a higher standard and became able to assimilate into Dafa, could these sacred beings from heaven manifest to me.
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Category: Improving Oneself
