My Epic Battle to Overcome a Fundamental Attachment

(Minghui.org) In my 20 years of cultivation, I thought I had already found my fundamental attachments. My experience during the CCP Virus pandemic, however, made me realize I had another deeper attachment I needed to eliminate.

I began to cough a couple days after the Chinese New Year. At first, I thought it was interference blocking me from clarifying the truth, so I tried to negate it. After I read Master Li's new article, I realized I had an incorrect understanding of what was happening:

“But a pandemic like the current Chinese Communist Virus (or “Wuhan Virus”) comes with a purpose behind it, and it has targets. It is here to weed out members of the Party and those who have sided with it.”

“Any Dafa disciples who have not been diligent, or who are prone to acting in extreme ways, should immediately straighten themselves out, and sincerely study the Fa and work on themselves, for you are at great risk.” (“Stay Rational,” Team Yellow Translation)

The cough was very bad at the beginning, and I often woke up in the middle of the night. I kept looking inward. When sharing my experiences with other practitioners, I was asked whether I had done anything to betray fellow practitioners. I admitted that I had when I was illegally detained.

For a long time, my betrayal of fellow practitioners had been a big rock in my heart. During this time, twice in my dreams, I had knelt in front of Master, weeping and confessing my betrayal.

When the city reopened, practitioners encouraged me to visit those practitioners whom I had betrayed. I sincerely admitted my mistakes and asked them to forgive me. For those I was unable to find, I asked other practitioners to pass on my confession to them. Since then, my physical condition gradually improved but the coughing continued occasionally.

Because the coughing hadn't gone away, a practitioner asked me if I had a strong attachment to lust. That question pierced my heart. From that day on, I seriously reflected on my cultivation path. I began to study the Fa diligently and look inward. When I couldn’t calm down completely, I began to hand copy the Fa. I spent more than two hours copying the Fa teaching about lust in Lecture Six. Master said:

“Throughout history, or from the perspective of higher dimensions, the issues of one’s desire and lust have been very critical in determining whether one can cultivate. So we must really regard these things with indifference.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)

“Whenever there is interference of one kind or another in qigong practice, you should look for reasons within yourself and determine what you still have not let go of.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)

Later, while copying “Why Doesn’t Your Gong Increase with Your Practice?” from Lecture One in Zhuan Falun, I missed two sentences: 

“All matter in the universe, including all substances that permeate the universe, are living beings with thinking minds...” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)

“Why don’t they let you move up? It is because your xinxing has not improved.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)

After reading this paragraph repeatedly, I realized that Master was awakening me: Gods in the entire universe are looking at my filthy attachment to lust. In their eyes, I am the same as or even worse than an everyday person. I have been practicing for more than 20 years, and I have not made any substantial breakthrough with regards to lust. I am often tempted by videos on the Internet, attracted by beautiful people, and sometimes even drawn into watching pornographic videos. I was worse than an ordinary person. I was so far away from Dafa's requirements!

Looking further back, my original interest in practicing Falun Dafa was mixed with attachments to obtaining cultivation energy and showing off. Deeply hidden behind those attachments was lust. The combination of these attachments severely affected my process of assimilating to the Fa.

These negative factors can interfere with my righteous thoughts when my main consciousness is not strong and make me do wrong repeatedly. Here are some examples: I dared not step forward to safeguard Dafa for fear of losing my girlfriend. When I was illegally detained, I betrayed fellow practitioners and wrote a guarantee letter for fear of losing my job. When in the detention center, I dared not counter the persecution; I only passively endured it. When harassed by police in my daily life, I only tried to avoid them again and again.

These deviated negative notions, along with lust, made me do so many wrong things, lose so many opportunities to validate the Fa, and miss so many predestined lives that should have been saved by Dafa!

After copying the Fa, I knelt in front of Master’s picture and asked him to help me completely eliminate all the elements of lust in my mind.

During this period of time, I was like a student who had just started cultivation, bathed in Master’s mighty mercy. I tried hard to purify myself. Every time I sent righteous thoughts, I focused on clearing the lust in my mind. I paid attention to every single thought so as to not allow lust to have any opportunity. I firmly believe that under the blessing of Master, I will be able to remove this fundamental attachment.

Afterward, I dreamed that I was on a road that led to the top of a mountain. Along the way, there were several doors and inside each one were improperly dressed women. They were all so-called gods. I was wearing a white robe and held a scepter up high with my left hand, while my right hand was in front of my chest. I shouted loudly, “All gods retreat!”

I walked through a door. The female inside was supposed to seduce me, but she suddenly stopped and let me pass through. The females I saw through the other doors also did not move. After walking through this area, I reached the top of the mountain and looked into the distance. I saw a vast horizon, and the whole world was clear. I kept repeating in a sonorous voice out into the vast world, “All gods retreat!”

Master said:

“Clarifying the facts and saving sentient beings are what you need to accomplish. There is nothing else for you to accomplish. There is nothing else in this world that you need to accomplish. Those are the things that you need to work toward, and yet some people no longer pay much attention to even their own cultivation, and have instead made a priority of ordinary things. Haven’t you strayed from the path of Dafa disciples’ cultivation, then?” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2015 New York Fa Conference”)

Cultivation is really serious. There are no other important things in our lives, only the things that Master requires of practitioners.

I hope my sharing is helpful to those practitioners who are still addicted to ordinary people's things.