(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1997. Since that time, I have greatly benefited from it both mentally and physically. I would like to share how I eliminated my long-term resentment toward my ex-husband.
I am introverted and competitive, and whenever I heard about someone meddling in other people's business, I really disliked them.
When I was young I stayed away from the topic of marriage, as I preferred to be single. However, someone persuaded me to marry. She introduced me to a man and said, “He is reliable, and your marriage will last at least 40 years.” Unfortunately, this was not the case.
My World Comes Crashing Down
During the summer of 1997, my husband told me he would be traveling for business with a colleague. But I soon found out that his colleague did not travel with him.
He lied to me. That night I had dream that my husband was staying with another woman who was wearing a purple dress. When I awoke, I felt that my dream was not a dream. When he came home, I kept asking him where he'd been and told him about my dream.
He admitted that he had not traveled for business and said that he no longer belonged to me. I felt very hurt.
From then on, he frequently stayed out overnight. I was distraught and wanted to die. However, I had to take care of our 10-year-old son, which kept me from doing anything drastic.
I could not tolerate such treachery and didn't know what to do. Exhausting my options, I decided to try my luck with a fortuneteller. He said something that struck me. He told me I had to forbear no matter what.
My sister even asked another fortuneteller for me. He wrote down some notes for me and gave them to my sister.
The only characters I could recognized were, “forbearance, forbearance, and forbearance!”
Cultivating Dafa Changes My Life
Not long after, my in-law fell down and I had to visit her. I met one of my husband’s teachers at my in-law’s home, and he introduced me to Falun Dafa.
I was in a bad mood, so I did not pay attention to what he said. However, when he mentioned “Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance,” the word Forbearance touched me, since the fortuneteller had repeatedly mentioned Forbearance.
I was then willing to learn Dafa. After I read just a little bit of Zhuan Falun, I felt compelled to read the entire book in one sitting.
What Master (Li Hongzhi) said in the book resolved all my questions about life.
Master said:
“It is because there is such a principle in the universe: Ordinary human affairs, according to the Buddha School, all have predestined relationships. Birth, old age, illness, and death exist as such for ordinary people. Due to karma resulting from past wrongdoing, one has illnesses or tribulations; suffering is repaying a karmic debt, and thus nobody can casually change this. Changing it means that one would not have to repay the debt after being in debt, and this cannot be done at will. Doing otherwise is the same as committing a bad deed.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
“One should return to one’s original, true self; this is the real purpose of being human.” (Lecture One,Zhuan Falun)
I wished I'd known about this book earlier! I read it through twice and found that my previous mindset, including being disturbed and suicidal thoughts, all vanished.
I am so delighted I found Dafa. This spiritual practice encourages me to be positive and gives me hope.
Eliminating Resentment
I have followed Dafa’s principles of Truthfulness-Compassion -Forbearance since I began practicing Dafa. I became nice to my husband and patient with my son.
I worked hard at my daily job and completed my housework. In only ten days of reading Zhuan Falun and practicing the exercises, I became very energetic and did not need sleeping pills at all.
I could even help with my son's homework. I did not know how long my marriage would last, but I followed my spiritual practice firmly.
Soon after I began Dafa cultivation, my spouse became very angry with my son and me for no reason. However, no matter how crazy he acted, I never fought back.
Master said:
“As a practitioner, the first thing you should be able to do is to not fight back when you are beaten or sworn at—you must be tolerant.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
Dafa has been persecuted since 1999. I was even forced into homelessness since I refused to give up the practice.
The police threatened my husband and son, which resulted in great stress in their daily lives. In August of 2012, my husband phoned me and asked for a divorce.
He abused me over the phone until I eventually granted him what he wanted. That day I cried on my way back home.
From the teachings, I knew that relationships were decided by previous lives, and so I tried to let it go.
Master said:
“The other day I said that the Buddha-light illuminates everywhere and rectifies all abnormalities.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
I learned a lot from other practitioners’ experiences, who were dealing with similar situations. However, many of them were able to harmonize their families by practicing Dafa. I was sad that I could not do that and didn't know where I fell short.
Master said:
“If you want to improve yourself, you should search your inner self and work hard on your heart—only then can you truly ascend and achieve tranquility in sitting meditation.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
I started to look inward and tried looking back at how I acted in the past. I found that I had the attachment of resentment and complaining regarding my husband’s affair.
On the surface, I did not fight with him and did not even mention it. However, I really hated them and had many thoughts like “You betrayed me!” “You hurt me so much!” “You damaged my reputation!”
Master said:
“But you should not become too attached to it. If we encounter these problems, we should not compete and fight like others. If you do what that person did, aren’t you an ordinary person? Not only should you not compete and fight like him, but also you should not resent that person in your heart. Really, you should not hate that person. If you hate that person, aren’t you upset? You have not followed forbearance. We practice Zhen-Shan-Ren, and you would have even less compassion so to speak of. So you should not be like him or become really upset with him, despite his putting you in this awful situation where you cannot even raise your head. Instead of being angry with him, you should thank him in your heart and thank him sincerely.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
I realized that I was holding resentment at my core. I cultivated “Forbearance” just on the surface, but not from my foundation.
I felt shame when I found this attachment. Should I blame them? Of course not. As a Dafa disciple, I should look inside unconditionally, as there is a reason for everything.
They did an immoral thing, but what did I do in my previous life? I should purify myself and return to my original true self.
Why should I keep those attachments?
I kept studying the Fa. Master taught:
“The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts.” (Drive Out Interference, Essentials for Further Advancement II)
Gradually, I no longer opposed them, and I sometimes felt that they were very unfortunate.
This is as Master said:
“When our compassion emerges, we will probably find all living beings and every person suffering. This will happen.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
Three years after we divorced, I heard my ex-husband was in the hospital. He underwent heart surgery and had diabetes.
He had to have dialysis every week. I know he had to work very hard in order to support that woman, and he also had to support his step-daughter for college.
Even worse, he had to put his newly purchased apartment in that woman’s name. He was already very financially strained and suffered a big loss with his illness.
I heard he tried to borrow money everywhere. So I withdrew ten thousand yuan in cash for him, and also a ninety thousand yuan savings card he had left for my son.
I asked my son to take it to him; he did so reluctantly.
My son said, “He never takes care of me and ignores me. He earned money for his new wife and stepdaughter, not us. Why should we help him?”
I said, “Dear son, don't complain. Let us do a good deed. Master told us to consider others as a priority. Now, he is in big trouble. Let us help him.”
My son brought the money to him. He saw my son and cried, “I really apologize to you and your mom. I really regret what I did.”
My son told me one day that his dad wanted to study the Fa. I immediately gave my MP4 to my son and asked him to deliver it to his dad.
We later gave him a copy of Zhuan Falun, a Falun Dafa DVD, and a Minghui booklet. I told him that if he had problems seeing, he could ask people around him to read the Fa for him.
I heard that when he wanted to study the Fa, his new wife read Zhuan Falun for him. After a while, that woman apologized to my son and said, “After we read that Dafa book, we realized we had done something wrong to you and your mom. I am really sorry.”
On the day of my son’s marriage ceremony, I arranged for someone to pick up his dad. To my astonishment, that woman arrived with my ex-husband in a wheelchair. All my relatives were surprised and some complained about her presence. But I did not feel any surprise or embarrassment and treated them as friends.
I was so peaceful and delighted. My cousin told me afterward, “You looked so beautiful that day.” My friend said the same thing. Actually, I am not pretty. It is said that beauty comes from a pure heart and compassion.
I deeply understand that Dafa saved me and cleansed my attachment to resentment. With Dafa’s help, I can forgive them. Dafa gave me a new life.
I am deeply grateful for Dafa’s salvation!
Category: Improving Oneself
