Letting Go of My Fundamental Attachments, Finding the Heart of Cultivation I Once Had

(Minghui.org) Greetings, esteemed Master and fellow practitioners!

I began practicing Falun Dafa in 2000, 21 years ago. I would like to tell you how I improved my xinxing and eliminated my attachment to sentimentality. I hope to find the heart I once had when I first began to cultivate.

I was stricken with polio when I was six years old and I could not participate in any sports activities. So when my son’s teacher told me about Dafa to me in 2000, I told her that I could not do any exercises because of my condition. She didn’t give up and said, “It’s okay. You can study the Fa and do the sitting meditation first. Just do as much as you can.”

Participating in Activities

Practitioners in my area often held activities on weekends to demonstrate the exercises and tell people about Falun Dafa. I understood the preciousness of Dafa, and I also wanted to participate in these activities and tell people about the persecution. I could not participate in the exercise demonstration because I could not do the fourth exercise. I had no strength in one of my feet due to polio, so I immediately fell if I bent down.

Because I wanted to help demonstrate the exercises, I diligently practiced the fourth exercise. I don’t remember how many times I fell. I just pulled myself up over and over again. It didn’t take long for me to do the standing exercise without falling. I could finally demonstrate the exercises!

I have participated in many parades now, walking for hours without any problems. I could not even imagine this before I began practicing Falun Dafa. Thank you Master!

Agreeing to Divorce

My husband wanted to divorce me and marry another woman for a long time. I didn’t want to let him get what he wanted, so I disagreed with his financial arrangement and refused to sign the divorce agreement. He became depressed. After practicing Dafa, I realized that everything happened for a reason, so I should let nature take its course.

Master said,

“You should be considerate of others when you do things... (“Teachings at the Conference in Canada”)

Master also taught us,

“...as a cultivator should follow the course of nature. If something is yours, you will not lose it. If something is not yours, you will not have it even if you fight for it.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)

I realized I should consider others first, so I agreed to unconditionally move out with my sons. I sincerely wished my ex-husband a happy life. Surprisingly, I felt relieved and even joyful afterwards. I realized that I gained more by giving up what did not belong to me.

Looking Within

I know that I was fortunate to be a Dafa disciple. I wanted to cultivate myself well, to live up to my role. I tried my best to be a good mother at home, and a good employee at work. I participated in Dafa activities as much as possible in my spare time.

Many people who knew my family criticized my ex-husband for divorcing me. He felt he lost face, so he began spreading rumors about me. My friends told me about this and said it was unfair. I simply smiled and responded, “Let it be. I cannot control what he says.”

Master said,

“In the workplace or in society, some people may say that you are bad, yet you may not necessarily be bad. Some people may say that you are good, but you may not really be good.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)

One day, I ran into my ex-husband in front of a friend’s house. He was drunk and started to yell and curse at me. Although I remained calm when I heard what he said about me before, I was taken off guard when he said it to my face. I could not stay calm and angrily shouted, “If you keep telling lies, you will go to hell and have your tongue cut out.” He left without saying anything. However, my friend heard it and said to me, “You two are the same!” She turned around and went directly into her home.

I was shocked hearing what my friend said and felt numb. I was upset and said to myself, “Why did she say that to me? How could I be the same as him? I’m so good, and he’s so bad.”

I started to look inward and finally realized I shouldn’t get angry with an ordinary person. As a practitioner, I shouldn’t talk back. Where was my goodness and patience when I said my ex-husband would go to hell? My friend was right.

After I realized this, I called my friend and thanked her for reminding me to be a good person. To my surprise, she said she didn’t say that. My friend said she criticized my ex-husband whenever she heard him verbally abuse me, so how could she possibly say I was wrong? I suddenly understood that Master must have used her mouth to wake me up!

Letting Go of Sentimentality

My sons were no longer children and began attending high school. The most challenging days passed, and my life became regular, relaxed, and happy.

One day like a bolt from the blue, my ex-husband contacted me and said he wanted my sons to live with him. I told him I would let them choose who they lived with, but in my heart I did not want them to leave.

I told my sons about their father’s plan. I wanted them to refuse their father’s invitation. To my surprise, one boy immediately said, “I will go live with him.” I didn’t want my sons to be separated from each other, so this meant both of them would leave me and stay with their father. I was heartbroken and didn’t know what I’d do without them.

It suddenly occurred to me that practitioners in Manhattan encouraged fellow practitioners to go there and clarify the truth. I thought it was a pity that I couldn’t go because I needed to take care of my sons. Now that my sons would stay with their father, I could go to Manhattan.

When I went to my company to pack up, my colleague told me that she asked my sons why they wanted to leave me and stay with their father. My sons said that they thought their father should also take some responsibility. I burst into tears! I felt so warm in my heart.

Understanding What it Means to be a True Cultivator

By the time I decided to go to Manhattan, I had already practiced for years and passed many tribulations. I thought I did well in cultivation. However, I didn’t understand what true cultivation was until I went to Manhattan.

At home, I always put my sons and my work first. Studying the Fa, doing the exercise, and participating in Dafa activities were never my priorities.

During those days in Manhattan, all I did was do the exercises, go out to clarify the truth, distribute materials, study the Fa, and send forth righteous thoughts. I had a full schedule every day, and I felt fulfilled and solid.

However, my busy schedule didn’t remove my attachments. For example when I called my sons every week, I always asked what was happening in Taiwan. I always thought about buying cheap and delicious snacks. I only wanted to distribute materials at events because I wanted to participate in the excitement.

I saw my attachments after staying at a local practitioner's home for a few months. She was a top white-collar employee, earned a good income, but lived a simple life. Every day she had two slices of toast and a cup of tea for breakfast. After work, she spent all her free time on Dafa projects and always worked until after midnight. After we sent forth the righteous thoughts at night, I directly went to bed, but she sat in front of the computer and continued to work on Dafa projects. She had a Ph.D. yet she was humble and gentle and did not talk much.

Once when her father experienced sickness karma, we went to help send forth righteous thoughts. She calmly and gently said to him, “Dad! This is all we can do. Please dig out your fundamental attachments and get rid of them.”

One day, I curiously asked her why she liked plain toast so much that she ate it every day for breakfast. She paused for a moment and said it was not that she wanted to eat it. She could not think of what to eat, so she ate plain toast every day to save time. This gave me a deep understanding of what it means to be a practitioner and put Dafa first.

Master said,

“Study the Fa and gain the Fa,Focus on how you study and cultivate,Let each and every thingbe measured against the Fa.Only then, with that,is it actually cultivation.” (Solid Cultivation, Hong Yin)

Everyone’s path of cultivation is different, and there is no reference. However, I was able to find my attachments when I stayed with that practitioner. Thank you, Master, for your arrangement!

Find the Heart I Had When I First Began to Cultivate

Recently, my life became more and more comfortable, and I have developed an attachment to comfort. I was cozy in my home and did not go out to do the exercises if the weather was too hot or cold. I couldn’t get up in the morning if I stayed up to send righteous thoughts at midnight. My willpower had become weak, and I always wanted to sleep more. After about twenty years’ cultivation, it seems I've developed the mentality of senior monks who enjoy comfort and ease.

Master said:

“Our path is narrow. If you go off course ever so slightly, there will be problems.” (“What is a Dafa Disciple”)

When I was in Manhattan, I went to the Chinese Consulate to hold up banners in all weather, including freezing rain and heavy snow. How have I become relaxed and complacent now?

Master said,

“The old forces have arranged for all Dafa disciples a set of their things, so if a Dafa disciple doesn’t follow Master’s requirements, he must be following the old forces’ arrangements.” (“Be Clearheaded,” The Essentials of Diligent Progress III)

I know that I need to make a breakthrough. I know that I can’t keep lying down and not get up after falling. I want to find the heart I had when I first began to cultivate. I don’t want to fall behind. I want to return to my true home with Master. I know I must overcome my attachment to comfort.

Master said,

“Maintaining Dafa’s tradition, upholding Dafa’s cultivation principles, and persevering in true cultivation are long-term tests for every Dafa disciple.” (“Abandon Human Attachments and Continue True Cultivation,” Essentials for Further Advancement)

I hope all practitioners will cultivate as diligently as when we just started. Let’s reach consummation and return home with Master.

Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!

(Presented at the 2021 Falun Dafa Experience Sharing Conference in Taiwan)