Changes After Learning to Look Inward

(Minghui.org) Many fellow Falun Dafa practitioners may have questions about this sharing topic of looking inward. So many have been cultivating for a long time and have reached very high levels. One might ask, who doesn’t know how to look inward? However, I have just learned how to look inward during these past few years and would like to share my personal experiences.

I began cultivating Falun Dafa in 2000, so I am a veteran practitioner. Although I have read the lectures of Master Li Hongzhi (Falun Dafa’s founder) pertaining to ‘looking inward’ many times, I often forgot to cultivate myself when encountering problems. Even when I did look inward, often I did not find my fundamental attachments, and just focused on superficial issues of right or wrong. I considered this as self-cultivation.

Since I didn’t know how to cultivate myself at that time, I didn’t handle my relationship with my husband very well. We got divorced after my daughter finished her college entrance examinations. Less than four years after we divorced, my husband passed away due to illness, and this left me with enduring regret.

After the divorce, I took my child to live with a relative in another city. Later, I met a local fellow practitioner and we rented a house together. This gave me the opportunity to learn how to look within during cultivation practice.

While living with this practitioner, various situations and issues moved my heart. After talking to another practitioner whom I visited we discussed my issues. This practitioner wondered why I always encountered these kinds of issues with other practitioners. Her words got me thinking.

Soon I met a practitioner named Li who had many similarities with my roommate. I ended up avoiding her and no longer made any efforts to communicate. At that time, I didn’t know that my meeting with this practitioner was for me to see what I needed to cultivate away. I thought that I should not escape again. It’s time for me to look inward. I made up my mind not to disappoint Master again. I had already missed too many opportunities arranged by Master for me to cultivate and improve xinxing. No matter what happens in the future, I must look inward first.

I discovered that I had similar bad habits or attachments similar to Li. I was surprised to discover that I still had so many attachments and bad thoughts after cultivating for so many years. When I failed to enlighten again and again, Master arranged fellow practitioners to remind me, alert me, and awake the true self in my heart.

After realizing this, I looked inward immediately when I recognized some of Li’s shortcomings and quickly corrected my similar attachments. When I had conflicts with her again, I no longer cared who was right and who was wrong. I no longer blamed her or looked down on her. I would check as to which of my attachments were challenged and then considered the problem from her perspective. After doing so for a period, I found that I improved in cultivation, and my mind was more peaceful. I could now calmly deal with any conflicts that suddenly appeared. Master arranged for me to experience the beauty of looking inward after seeing that I really wanted to cultivate myself.

Once Li was mad at me for no reason. I listened to her quietly, but I felt a bit baffled. My heart was not moved. I didn’t want to fight back or hurt her. I could feel the pain in her heart. I suddenly discovered an attachment to not being able to take criticism that I hadn’t removed for a long time.

One weekend, I didn’t go to work as several practitioners were coming to our house to study the Fa together. After finishing the exercises and sending righteous thoughts at six o’clock, I said I needed to take a nap so I would not be sleepy during Fa-study. My roommate pointed out my attachment to comfort. I was surprised as I felt that I didn’t have the attachment to comfort. I decided that I needed to look within for any attachment to comfort. I immediately felt that some kind of ‘microscopic substance’ had disintegrated in my body. I was surprised and happy. This was another time that Master allowed me to experience the beauty of looking inward.

When I was in my hometown, I felt very comfortable when hearing compliments from other practitioners when we did well during truth clarification and Fa validation activities. When I heard something bad about myself, I was not happy or even not convinced, although I seemed humble on the surface and willing to accept other people’s opinions. Over time, this heart that only wants to listen to compliments has formed a huge substance in another dimension.

On the path of cultivation, there are many opportunities to temper one’s xinxing. Sometimes, Master will expose attachments that you didn’t perceive or recognize in various ways. As long as we look inward and cultivate ourselves, we can eliminate them.

In the past, I didn’t like other people to criticize me and I would feel unhappy if they did so. In the meantime, I would not like to criticize others either as I didn’t want to offend people and make them unhappy. I didn’t recognize this attachment which had been hidden for many years.

A few years ago, I mentioned that Xiuhua could endure difficult hardships. Another practitioner said that what Xiouhua endured was nothing and started to talk about how he had endured more severe hardships. I then remembered Master’s Fa.

Master said,

“I’ve scored a hundred, I’ve scored a hundred.” The child runs home from school. Even before opening his door, a neighbor already begins to curse from inside his house, “What’s so great about getting a hundred? Show off! Who hasn’t scored a hundred?”( Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)

I thought this was his jealousy and wanted to point it out. But I was hesitating as I was afraid of offending him and in the end, I didn’t say anything. When I was sending righteous thoughts on the hour, my throat suddenly became itchy, and I kept swallowing. I didn’t send righteous thoughts well. This was an obvious interference. I knew it was targeting my heart directly and I should have kindly pointed out his attachment. But I was afraid of making him unhappy and also my attachment of losing face made me totally forget Master’s Fa. As a result, I didn’t say anything. Therefore, I did not convey any sense of responsibility for others and portrayed a very strong attachment of selfishness. Because I didn’t pay attention to it, I got used to it over time. A recent incident made me realize that it was now time to get rid of this attachment.

I often partner with an elderly practitioner to clarify the truth. This elderly practitioner has very strong righteous thoughts and is very firm in believing Master and the Fa. When the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) executed its Zero-Out Campaign, several people went to this elderly practitioner’s home for his signature on documents related to this. He refused with righteous thoughts. As a result, these people left in disgrace after not succeeding in coercing him to sign. When we partnered to clarify the truth, we shared how we should cooperate beforehand, and we did very well most of the time. But sometimes we didn’t cooperate well. For example, once I was clarifying the truth to a person as he listened attentively. One of the older practitioners suddenly interjected into the conversation, leading to the person leaving. I was a little angry because such things had happened before. We already shared how to cooperate to clarify the truth. We have one clarify the truth and the other to send righteous thoughts. Only when the effect is not good, the other would join and talk. How could she interject when the person was listening? I didn’t communicate this to her as I didn’t want to make her feel bad. However, I needed to communicate with her as it had something to do with saving sentient beings.

I made up my mind and gathered the courage to tell the elderly practitioner that she should not have interjected, and also repeated the suggestion of cooperating on saving people. When I was sending righteous thoughts at six o’clock, I felt I was in a trance. It was a wonderful feeling that I never had experienced before. No words can describe that feeling. In the past, I usually stopped sending righteous thoughts after fifteen minutes. But that time, I sent righteous thoughts for one hour as I didn’t want to leave that wonderful state.

I wondered why I suddenly had such a good cultivation state. To my understanding, Master will let me experience such a wonderful feeling only when I improve my xinxing, eliminate some attachments or do some good deeds. But today, I didn’t improve xinxing, didn’t clarify the truth with good results, and even blamed the elderly practitioner in my heart. I thought it over and finally understood that I removed the attachment of fearing to offend others. This attachment had been hidden for so long that I couldn’t realize it. It was shameful. The manifestation of this elderly practitioner was illusory. It actually exposed my attachment. Master used this method to help me eliminate my attachment due to my poor enlightenment quality. I am grateful to Master!

Last year, when the CCP executed its Zero-Out Campaign, some fellow practitioners that I know were harassed. A relative in my hometown called to let me know that the police were looking for me and he told the police that he didn’t know where I was. My thinking was faulty, as I thought that since I was in a different area and nobody knew me, the CCP would not bother me. I felt lucky that I had left my hometown. Since I didn’t pay attention to this, the evil would target my human attachment.

One day, the police from my hometown found me through my relative. My relative told them that I left long ago and didn’t know where I was. When I heard such news, I was very upset. But soon I calmed down. I remembered Master’s Fa:

Master said,

“Just by staying unaffected you will be able to handle all situations.” (Teachings at the Midwestern U.S. Conference)

In the meantime, I looked inward to find out what was wrong with me that would cause the police to come to find me all the way from a thousand miles away? Is it just because of my improper thoughts? At this time, suddenly a sentence appeared in my head: ‘Don’t you say I am not famous’? You see the police came to find me from a thousand miles away, do you think I am famous then?

I immediately remembered that some days ago, when I was sharing with fellow practitioners, I felt a little bit unconvinced that I was in any danger. I thought I was famous and well known in my hometown, not here. Maybe this attachment for fame caused the evil? I sent strong righteous thoughts to disintegrate the persecution and correct myself. I felt calm and steady. At the same time, I felt that my energy field was also particularly clear.

My fellow practitioner was worried about my safety and asked me to hide. Then I felt my heart was not steady. So I went out and hid for two days. But I always felt my dimensional field was clear, so I came back and the police left as well.

Later I looked inward and realized that my deeply hidden attachment to fame and the competitive mentality caused the evil to pursue me. I hid for two days because I failed to have 100% faith in Master and the Fa. In fact, I already felt that Master had eliminated the evil in another dimension.

I am very ashamed that I behaved so badly after so many years of Falun Dafa cultivation practice.

Through constantly looking inward and correcting myself, I am no longer sleepy during Fa study. In the past, I forced myself to study, because Master said so. Therefore, although I studied the Fa every day, I felt sleepy after a while and always tried to finish Fa-study earlier. This state lasted for many years. Now it’s quite different. I can read the Fa seriously when I pick up the book, and I don’t feel sleepy anymore. I feel I am melted into the Fa and my thoughts are based on the Fa. I think these improvements in my cultivation state have resulted from learning to look within.