A Life and Death Tribulation Helped Point Out My Attachments

(Minghui.org) I’ve been talking to people about Falun Dafa and the persecution face to face ever since I began practicing in 2000. Even when I was on business trips, I studied the Fa and practiced the exercises. I send forth righteous thoughts four times a day without missing a single time. I also send righteous thoughts for half an hour at noon and in the evening. 

When I shared my experiences with local practitioners on how I clarified the truth to people, they started to praise and admire me. My ego grew and I began to think that I was better than others. I forgot that all my abilities were bestowed by Master [Master Li Hongzhi, the founder of Falun Dafa] and that Master paved the way for me. I forgot that without Master’s help, I could do nothing. 

A local practitioner had symptoms of stroke. The other practitioners wanted to help him but couldn’t go to his home because of his family situation. After I talked to his family members, they agreed that he could come to my home. I studied the Fa and sent righteous thoughts with him. He improved a lot within a month. When he could read the Fa and practice the exercises on his own, he went home. 

Because I experienced many amazing things after I began practicing Falun Dafa, I believed that as long as the practitioner found his attachments, the false appearance of illness would disappear instantly because Dafa and Master are omnipotent. I didn’t take into consideration how well the practitioner cultivated or what attachments he had. I didn’t understand how anxious the practitioner who was in the tribulation must have felt. I measured this practitioner with my own standards and required him to meet them. I thought, “He couldn’t get over such a trivial thing! He should let go of everything and just believe in Master and the Fa and let Master decide. If I were him, I would have easily passed the test.” The old forces took advantage of my inflated ego and set up a tribulation that almost took my life. 

My Attachment Brings a Tribulation

I missed the time to send forth righteous thoughts at noon on August 15, 2021 because I was discussing business with my friends. Later, the right side of my body became numb. I was nervous, but I reminded myself that it was an illusion. I pleaded with Master to help me dissolve this persecution so that I would not tarnish the reputation of Falun Dafa. As soon as I had this thought the numbness disappeared. I thanked Master—but I thought my enlightenment quality was good and I still thought I was better than the other practitioner. I was still validating myself. I felt happy because I thought I was more marvelous than the practitioner who had just recovered from the stroke. 

I didn’t think about why this happened and I thought the tribulation was over. But the old forces were staring at me. I told the other practitioners in our Fa-study group what happened. With every word I showed off how correct my enlightenment was and how strong my righteous thoughts were. As I spoke, I suddenly lost all feeling on the right side of my body. I instinctively tried to stand up by holding onto the coffee table with my right hand. But I didn’t have any feeling in my right arm and right leg. The other practitioners caught me before I fell to the floor. 

I realized that I was showing off. The others were worried about me. I didn’t feel panicked. We sent forth righteous thoughts and asked Master to help me. I didn’t acknowledge the old forces’ arrangement. As I sent righteous thoughts I could feel the negative elements coming at me, one batch after another. We sent forth righteous thoughts from 7 p.m. to 2 a.m. until everyone was tired. The next day, things got worse. I wanted to get up but couldn’t. I could barely move a few steps with the help of my wife. 

My mind was clear though, and I told my family, “I will definitely not go to the hospital. I am a Dafa disciple. I leave everything to Master.” My had family witnessed the miracles of Dafa before so they didn’t force me to go to the hospital. 

I was not able to do the standing exercises because I couldn’t stand. I could only do the meditation exercise. My right ankle had been injured ten years ago. The area suddenly swelled, broke open and blood and pus oozed out. I felt like

“...Abundant troubles rain down together, All to see: Can you pull through?”(“Tempering the Will,” Hong Yin) 

At that moment I made up my mind to not worry about anything. As long as I was alive, I would continue cultivating. 

Looking Within and Identifying My Attachments

I sent forth righteous thoughts to clear the negative elements. I pleaded with Master to give me hints. What was wrong with me? Where was my problem?

I looked within and was shocked. I only cultivated myself superficially. I didn’t let go of many attachments such as showing off, validating myself, being attached to my opinions, complacency, seeking personal interest and fame, lust and desire, impatience, jealousy and speaking casually. I did not behave like a practitioner and I was not in line with the Fa’s standard. 

I resolved to cultivate myself solidly from now on. I studied the Fa a lot to clear my thoughts. I calmed down and stopped focusing on my “sickness.” I reminded myself that everything was in Master’s hands and he would help me get over this tribulation. 

I tried my best to practice the exercises but I could only sit, so I meditated. I was not able to do the standing exercises. When I started to meditate, I couldn’t remember the movements. When I lifted my arm, I didn’t know where to put it. My wife said that my movements looked strange. I had to learn the movements from scratch. If I closed my eyes, my movements were incorrect. So I sat in front of a mirror and did the meditation with my eyes open so as to make sure that my movements were correct. I was not able to put up my right palm when I sent righteous thoughts. I asked Master to strengthen me. Then I could keep up my right palm for a while. We witnessed the miracle of Dafa again and felt that Master was with us. 

But I knew I needed to do all the exercises. I looked within and found my attachment to personal interests. I thought I’d already eliminated this. I talked to my son who was in charge of our family business. I told him that we couldn’t do anything to harm the interest of our clients and that we would rather not make a profit than provide poor quality goods. He agreed. Two days later I was able to stand up. 

I wanted to get up at 3 a.m. to practice the exercises. My wife asked me if I could do the second exercise for one hour. I said yes without any hesitation. She was afraid I would collapse so she stood next to me. I couldn’t remember the movements and I had to re-learn them. I couldn’t feel my right leg. I felt like I was standing on one leg. I was not steady and swayed back and forth. I told myself that Master was with me and I shouldn’t have fear. I persevered until I finished the standing exercises for one and a half hours. Thanks to Master, I didn’t fall down. 

I sweated heavily after each set of exercises. One week later my wife didn’t have to stand next to me because I could do the exercises myself. 

During the process I experienced so much heart-wrenching pain. Without Master’s help, how could I possibly stand up in such a short time?

Perseverance in Clarifying the Truth and Saving Sentient Beings

I usually talked to people about the persecution face to face. I was not able to go out after I had this sickness karma. I became anxious and felt lost. What should I do?

I started to send righteous thoughts more often and studied the Fa more. I pleaded with Master to help me recover as soon as possible so I could go out to save people. Master saw my wish and helped remove a lot of karma for me. I could stand up and walk slowly. But my legs were still not flexible. Part of my body was still numb. I asked my wife to drive me. Because I couldn’t walk steadily, other people didn’t dare come close and didn’t listen to me. I was damaging the reputation of Dafa. I became discouraged and felt I was useless.

The more anxious I felt, the worse my cultivation state became. The old forces kept putting a negative element into my mood and I began to feel that I would never recover—my life was over and my cultivation path had ended. I felt hopeless and wanted to give up. I thought my connection to Dafa was severed. I was so depressed I even thought about committing suicide. 

When my situation spiraled to its lowest point, I asked my wife to drive me to the sea. I saw fluffy withered grass as we got to the beach. I remembered that Master said, “Being rich or poor is as temporary as fall foliage” (“The Truth Can Free You of Worries,” HongYin III). Life is short. It’s not easy to obtain the Fa—but I was so fortunate to be a practitioner. What was I afraid of? I was suddenly filled with immense courage. I must continue my cultivation. As long as I had one breath left, I would not stop practicing. 

I felt I was not worthy of being a Dafa disciple if I couldn’t pull myself together. At that moment, fame, personal interest and emotion became meaningless. I felt that the world was vast and bright. The evil that pressed down on me became nothing. The pressure suddenly lifted and I couldn’t hold back my tears. I apologized to Master for letting him down. 

The other practitioners said I could help with other projects if I couldn’t go out to clarify the truth to people in person. I wanted to put up sticky posters in the morning or in the evening. My family objected. But they couldn’t convince me so they agreed to take me out. 

When I went out for the first time, I walked unsteadily and fell down. I was not able to stand up because the right side of my body felt numb and my left arm was pressed under my body. I asked Master to strengthen me. I slowly tried to move my body. I eventually turned over. I slowly stood up and continued putting up sticky posters. My family members no longer took me out after I told them that I fell. 

Later on, some practitioners took me out on scooters to put up sticky posters and I was very grateful. I knew they faced huge pressure. They would endure anger from my family if something happened to me. 

At the beginning I was not able to sit solidly on the back of the scooter. The practitioners drove slowly. If I was not careful, my right leg would drop and I had to pull it up so my foot didn’t drag on the ground. Sometimes I had to walk up stairs. I fell if I was not careful. I constantly pleaded with Master to strengthen me. One month, I went out to put up posters every day. During the process, Master helped remove a lot of bad stuff from me. I made progress every day and gradually I could walk steadily. I could ride a scooter and then drive my car. I could go out to clarify the truth as before. My gratitude to Master was beyond words. I cried many times. Thank you, Master!

One day I drove for a long time. My right leg didn’t work properly and I was about to hit a bus. My right foot couldn’t find the brake. The practitioner with me loudly shouted: “Falun Dafa is good and Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.” As soon as he said the words, my right foot stepped on the brake. The car stopped. It was five centimeter’s away from the bus. Thank you, Master for saving us! Our tears rolled down our cheeks. 

Initially, I was the driver while other practitioners clarified the truth to people. Later, I asked other practitioners to drive the car while I clarified the truth to people. Every day, Master removed the negative elements from me. My right leg kept getting more flexible and I am now back to normal. My son who is not a practitioner was amazed. He said, “Dad, you recovered so fast!”

Closing Remarks

Having gone through this tribulation, my greatest takeaway is that I should never claim abilities that were actually not mine and that I have been full of myself. No matter how capable other practitioners thought I was, my abilities were given by Master. Without Master’s and Dafa’s protection, my life might be in danger. When I thought that I was remarkable and better than others, the old forces took advantage of my loopholes. 

My second realization was that no matter what the circumstances, I must believe in Master and the Fa. I must believe that 

“When disciples have ample righteous thoughts Master has the power to turn back the tide” (“The Master-Disciple Bond,” Hong Yin II) 

I must maintain righteous thoughts so that I can overcome tribulations. This was the only path for me, though the process was extremely painful. What I had to bear was only the tip of the iceberg. Master bore most of the tribulations for me. 

I shouldn’t just say that I believe in Master and the Fa. I should put it into practice. Doing one thing to fulfill my prehistoric vows is better than saying a thousand times that I believe in Master and the Fa. 

Master said, “Cultivation depends on one’s own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by one’s master.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun) 

Master has definitely helped me and arranged everything for me. 

This is my understanding at my current level. Please kindly point out anything that is not in line with the Fa.